This week the international news has been inundated with reports and images on the 25th anniversary of Elvis Presley's death. The only person in the world, it seems, who hasn't said anything about Elvis this past week, is Georgie Bushy. He still seems to think that the most important thing in the world at the moment is getting rid of Saddam Hussein, besides holidaying on his ranch, that is. I have been reliably informed, by a source I cannot reveal, besides saying that Georgie was riding it at the time, that he was overheard asking a secret service agent, "Is this Elvis guy a security threat?"

Even the Pope, arriving in Poland yesterday, paid homage to Elvis as he rocked and rolled down the airplane steps and instead of kissing the ground, as he is wont to do on such occasions, issued a Papal decree in Polish, which my Krakow source, a reliable garbage collector of genius-like translation skills, translated into Russian for me: "Elvis is King," the Pope warbled, upon which thousands of onlookers crossed themselves and the crowds lining the walkways at Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee, to file past the tomb of the King, swore that they saw the gravestone split asunder and someone emerge from the bowels of the earth. Georgie, who was watching the Pontiff's declaration live on NNC, told the secret service agent, "Get the FIB Director on the phone."

And here in Asia, celebrations of Elvis, the King, have been no less frenzied, with thousands of Filipinos taking their cue from John Paul Twice, and competitively impersonating their idol, by walking shakily down flights of steps to rock and roll versions of "Ave Maria". The winner of the impersonation contest gets a ticket to visit St. Graceland and the now empty tomb. My Filipino source, an imported camel from Afghanistan who is now in hiding in a secret location, reported dropping off a tall Arab-looking fellow wearing dark sunglasses and an Elvis costume, who whispered something like, "I ain't nothing but a ground hog, running all the time," as he swayed his hips into the competition venue, which normally serves as a striptease joint. Georgie, leaning secretly over the agent, discreetly asked, "How can I get a competition entry form?"

And in other news, Robert McGrubby, Zimbabwe's President for Life, announced from a pig sty he had appropriated from a white farmer, that Elvis was banned from entering the country.

17 August 2002

Dion Marc Delport

Comment on this article in my Guestbook

Back to Dion's Home Page