The other day on the news I saw an interview with the Thai Foreign Minister about his nomination by the Association of South East Asian Nations (ASEAN) for the post of UN Secretary General when Kofi Annan's tenure expires in 2006. After the interview the presenter suggested that anyone watching should email him names of other prospective nominees for the post and since then I have only been able to come up with one nominee: a Siamese cat.
I know that at first this may seem a rather eccentric nomination and somewhat flippant, given the seriousness of the post and the weight of the responsibility that comes with it, but more careful consideration of my nomination will reveal that the aforementioned cat is indeed well qualified to lead this august international body, and not just because I say so and have some partiality towards cats.
No less a noble institution than The Cat Fanciers' Association, Inc: World Largest Registry of Pedigreed Cats (http://www.cfa.org/index.html) seems to agree with me. They state:
"Siamese have fascinated folks around the world since they were first officially exported from Thailand, or as it was known then Siam, in the late eighteen hundreds. Their sleek lines, striking color contrast, finely chiseled aristocratic heads, deep blue almond eyes, and short silky coats make them living art. Combine this beauty with acute intelligence, inquisitive personality and a loving nature and you have the essence of the Siamese cat.
This ancient breed, perhaps the oldest of all our cats, is able to communicate like no other. The Siamese voice is legendary. They speak both with their voice and with their body. They are the quintessential "people" cat, for they love to be in your lap, on your bed, at your table--and in your heart!"
Need I say more? Of course not, but I will anyway. The cat is from Asia, thereby fulfilling the first criteria that the next nominee be from this continent. It fascinates people, much like Kofi Annan's name has. It is statuesque in line and colour, aristocratic in bearing, indeed, living art, thereby saving the UN the cost of commissioning a portrait. It can just be put to sleep and stuffed when its term is over. These artistic characteristics also give it Presence, with a capital P, an essential quality in a UN Secretary General if he is not to be dictated to by other UN playground bullies. This Presence is further strengthened by its intelligence, inquisitiveness and legendary ability to communicate, even with those whose ability not to communicate is just as legendary, and rounded off with the softer touch of its loving nature. Who hasn't at one time or another wanted to hug Kofi Annan? Being able to creep into your heart makes a UN Secretary General more appealing and therefore all the more powerful when he speaks. People listen to those they like.
And a final consideration: how much more diplomatic can one can get than curling up on an adversary's lap, or slipping onto their bed, or rubbing up against their leg under a table? Perhaps a little unorthodox, but infinitely convincing.
5 October 2004
Dion Marc Delport