Beavis
Hey Butthead, are we gonna die?
Butthead
Uhhhhhh... probably.
Beavis
Hey Butthead, are we gonna die?
Butthead
Uhhhhhh... probably.
Beavis
You must bow down to the almighty bunghole!
[noticing the open door, the stolen T.V., and
the broken window]
Butthead
Whoa! I just figured something out, Beavis?
Beavis
What's that?
Butthead
This sucks!
Beavis
Yeah! It *really* sucks!
Butthead
This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before.
We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.
[over loudspeaker]
Butthead
Uh, attention! Attention!
We're looking for the chick with big boobs!
Beavis
Yeah. We are ready to do you now!
Beavis and Butthead
Uh-huh-huh-huh!
All senators
Uh-huh-huh-huh! Uh-huh-huh-huh!
Beavis
Dammit! This always happens! I think I'm gonna score,
and then I never score! It's not fair! We traveled um, a
mil-... a hundred miles, just because we thought we were
gonna score! But now it's not gonna happen! Dammit!
Bus Driver
Hey, buddy! Sit down!
Beavis
Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're
never gonna score! We're probably gonna get old
like these people, but they've probably scored!
Bus Driver
Hey! I'm warning you! Sit down!
Beavis
It's like this chick's a slut... and look at this guy!
He's old, but he's probably scored a million times...!
Old Guy
Oh, yeah.
Beavis
But not us! We're never gonna score! We're
never gonna score! We're never gonna score!
Little Old Lady
I want you to meet two nice boys.
This is Travis, and Bob. What's your last name, son?
Butthead
Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Little Old Lady
Yoo-hoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!
Butthead
It's like, uh... coming out of his ass. But also,
like... it's coming out of the ass of the ass.
Beavis
Yeah! It's like... the poop's
coming out of the ass... of the ass!
Beavis
Doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
Cause I just gotta stop by his tool shed
for a few minutes. Know what I'm sayin'?
Butthead
Tool, huh huh huh.
Butthead
Hey, Beavis, I'm jacking off.
[Trying to read a sign that says 'Master Station Control']
Butthead
Uh, Master-a... Masturbation?
[in a church confession booth]
Man
I'm sorry, how many Hail Marys?
Beavis
A thousand! And I want you to hit yourself! Right now!
Man
Um, now?
Beavis
Yes, do it!
[Man hits himself]
Beavis
Yeah, harder!
Muddy Grimmes
You got any last words before I kill ya?
Butthead
I got a couple - butt cheeks.
Beavis
Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs.
Muddy Grimmes
I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm goin' to do!
Butthead
Cool.
David VanDriessen
You know this could be a real positive
experience for you guys. There's a whole
world of possibilities to discover when we
realize we don't need TV to entertain us.
Butthead
Huh huh, he said anus.
Beavis
Entertain-us, anus.
David VanDriessen
Did you guys hear a word I said?
Butthead
Yeah, 'anus'.
Beavis
He he, y-yeah I heard it too.
David VanDriessen
Look just take that TV back to the
AV room right now and try to be a little
more open to life's experiences, m'kay?
Butthead
What a dork.
Beavis
I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.
Little Old Lady
I'm sorry, son. I got this ringin' in my ears. My
doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
Beavis
Really? I poop too much.
Little Old Lady
Oh. Maybe you're... lactose-intolerant.
Beavis
No, no. I POOP TOO MUCH! Then I get tired.
Hoover Dam Guide
Now, can anybody tell me how much
energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
Beavis
Yeah, I just have a question. Is this a God damn?
Butthead's Dad
You got a match?
Butthead
Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.
