Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

[The guys are all sitting around their hotel room reading. Justin is looking through his little black book and trying to get a date, Nick is reading Playboy, Drew is looking at platform shoes, and Jeff is reading his Victoria's Secret catalog and trying to figure out what bra he should get.]
Drew: (flings down the catalog) Dammit, all these shoes are for chicks!
Nick: That's cause you're short and guys aren't supposed to be short, shrimpy.
Drew: Shut up, sex fiend!
Nick: You shut up, dwarf!
Drew: Pervert!
Nick: Shorty! (Drew launches himself at Nick)
Justin: Both of you shut up! I'm trying to get a date over here with Denise! Wait! I meant... er... Shawna? Oh yeah, Sara. No, wait baby, you're the only one! I swear! Don't hang up on m-(hangs up phone) Damn. Shot down again.
Jeff: So what's new?
Nick: (has Drew in a headlock) Give it up!
Drew: OK, I give up! (Nick releases Drew)
Nick: Much better.
Jeff: I have a surprise for you guys.... (pulls out The Red Book)
Justin: Ohhh no. Remember what happened last time with that bitch Cinderella? I still have a scar from those glass slippers!
Nick: (licks lips) I remember Cinderella... boy, do I ever...
Jeff: Ready?
[Jeff opens the book. They all disappear in a flash of light, then reappear in front of a little cottage.]
Justin: (rubs bleached head) Where are we this time?
Drew: Don't ask me. All I know is that if there's a chick around here, Nick's gonna get laid.
Nick: I won't kick your ass this time, cause that's true.
Jeff: Let's go see who lives there. I need to change my bra, and maybe they have an extra one.
(He knocks on the door.) Hello? (Nobody answers.) Guess nobody's home.
Drew: Wait! I hear something! (Listens. Soon the faint chords of "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go..." come through the woods.) Hey!! I know where we are! Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs!!
Nick: Dwarfs?! Drew should feel right at home!!
Drew: You STD infested son of a- (He swings at Nick. The punch doesn't connect.) I'm gonna kick your ass!
Jeff: Well, you're about eye level to it...
Drew: You guys SUCK!!
Justin: What are you gonna do about it?
Drew: Um... complain like I usually do?
Nick: Wait a sec... if this is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs... SNOW WHITE BABY HERE I COME! (takes off)
Jeff: Dammit, now that Nick's gone, who's gonna sing lead?
Justin: Maybe if you guys let me say something other than "bathtub", you might just find that I can sing!
Drew: Sorry, but the fans don't like you as much as us three. Proven fact.
Justin: Damn.
Jeff: Anyway, now we have to find Nick. Any ideas?
Drew: Well, he DID go to find Snow White... where are most women perched at... (checks watch) 11:00?
Jeff: Um... Nick's the only one that's ever had a woman.
Justin: Yeah, damn him.
Drew: OK... WAIT! (cartoon light bulb flashes over head) All right, Jeff, where are you normally at 11:00?
Jeff: Watching my soaps, of course... wait a sec, are you likening me to a woman?
Drew: To steal Cinderella's line, if the shoe fits... Now let's try knocking on the door!

[Meanwhile, inside the house...]
Snow White: N-no, Victor, don't do it! Don't break up with her! WAAAAHH!! (dries eyes with Kleenex and adds it to a growing pile)
Nick: Uh... hey baby.
Snow White: W-what are you doing here? You aren't Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, or... dammit, what's that other guy's name? I always forget it.
Nick: Uh... I'm your prince, come to save you. They had to dispatch me early. Or something like that.
Snow White: Wait a sec... isn't my evil stepmother supposed to try to poison me first?
Nick: Um... she died of something or other. Listen, I'm your prince, OK? Now, in exchange for me saving you... (he whispers into her ear)
Snow White: Um... are you sure?
Nick: Of course I am! Now let's go to the bedroom, baby. (They leave.)

[Back with our other three "heroes"...]
Drew: Obviously this damned door isn't gonna be answered, so let's see if there's a back door. (They all go around back.)
Jeff: Um, it's already open.
Justin: Which means...
Drew: Damn you, Nick! I'm never gonna score!! (A thumping sound comes from the back of the cottage.)
Justin: Whoa... I think I need to learn something from Nick... (Nick comes running out, pulling up his pants, being chased by Snow White with a broom.)
Snow White: You said it was 10 INCHES, not 1!!!
Justin: Holy crap... Nick, do you mean that...
Nick: Uhh... that bitch is crazy! She has no clue what she's talking about!!
Drew: (sweetly) Oh yes she does! Remember the scissors incident when we were kids? Do ya, "Ordurve Pickle?" (AN: Yes, I know that's not how it's spelled, but I don't feel like typing it out, ok?)
Nick: You little bugger, I'm gonna kick your- (Grabs Drew by the neck of his shirt)
[The dwarves come walking up.]
Sneezy: Are you *ahchoo* beating up *sneeze* our long lost *ahchoo* cousin, mister?
Drew: Um, yeah! My name is... Tiny! Help me!! (The dwarves attack Nick.)
Jeff: (turns to Justin) I think it's time to go.
Justin: Ditto. Got the book?
Jeff: (holds it up) Now, if Snow White is on page 357... (opens to 357, grabs Nick, who's bleeding badly, and Drew, who's dying from laughter, and they disappear in the light.

[Reappearing in the hotel room...]
Drew: Oh man. That was truly sweet. Nick got his ass kicked my dwarves.
Nick: Hey, you said you were related to them!
Jeff: Shut up you guys. I can't concentrate on deciding between the Earth Angels or the Angels 2000 line.
Justin: Do you guys think that one of those models would date me?
Other 3: NO.
Justin: Damn.

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