Well, here I am. I’ve given in totally and completely to my vampire instincts. You could say I’m consumed by them, but I don’t think that way. After all, it’s my nature.
What of my Guardian powers and Guardian form? I haven’t lost those, I just refuse to use them. It was my Guardian powers that turned my life upside down. They were the reason I became a vampire and the reason why I’m so fucked up now.
If I could, I’d turn back the clock and make it so I wouldn’t have become the Guardian of Darkness. But I haven’t figured out time travel yet, so until I do, I’ll live in an immortal Hell.
I would only change the Guardian part. I love being a vampire and of course you all ready know I love Tenaka, so that part would not change. But wait, if I wasn’t the Guardian of Darkness, Tenaka wouldn’t have bothered with me. Damn, there’s always a downside to everything.
Even a vampire can be controlled by feelings. We’re very susceptible to love. You know I’ve been controlled by love, and lust, and as a result of my lust, I now have a daughter and because of my love I lost the one I ever truly loved.
Ok, so I know she’s not truly gone because her spirit still hangs around me, but still. I have to exist with the reality that I was the one that killed her. Looking at the arm that went through her chest. I will never forgive myself for that. Even though she’s said it’s fine and to forget about it, I can’t. If I hadn’t been in a frenzy at that time, Tenaka would still be at my side for real.
But, I guess if she hadn’t died then, there would be more vampires and vampire hunters hunting us now. I’ve all ready fought several of them off who wanted my power. Of course a vampire with a child is overly protective of her territory, so I’ve always either killed or severely wounded them. They’ve never returned for more.
So, you want to know my innermost thoughts? Well, don’t count on it. I’m not one to give away my innermost thoughts. I know that I’ve all ready told you a lot about myself and you may think that those are the things I hold innermost. Well, they’re not.
The things I hold dearest to me cannot be made known to mortals. Perhaps in time you may learn them but not now. You aren’t ready to know what I hold in my mind and heart.
I won’t keep you any longer. I’ll let you return to the story of my life after I left the Guardians a universe behind.