The question haunted Hex. At first just nagging in the back of her mind. The sound of Tamrin’s voice echoing over and over. 

“What are you afraid of Hex?”

Her first thought was nothing, but she knew it wasn’t true.   Things began to surface. Who or what she had taken the sword from.   She did fear Tamrin, or more what he would do.  In fact it was the unknown.  Not knowing what he was doing, what he was capable of, what he had tried to do.  She didn’t fear loosing others, which did make her think a little more.  She was never truly close to anyone, not even Johnny, even though she would never really admit it.  Sure she liked him.  He made her feel like she was home.  But she wasn’t afraid of loosing him. 

As her mind pondered the darker recesses of what it was to be afraid and what would fall under it, more intangible things came to light.  She was afraid of disappointing her Sire.  That’s why she hadn’t gone home.  She didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face, for him to be disappointed in her.  She couldn’t control herself enough yet.  She hadn’t done anything that would make him proud of her.  In fact, she had probably done more things now that would make him hate her.  Back home you didn’t choose another clan over your own; she was guilty of that many times over.  She had done so many things that Trowa wouldn’t approve of. She didn’t want the same to happen with Julius.  She didn’t want to leave Vegas.  It had become home.  Julius and the others here didn’t care about what she had done, granted they probably didn’t know the whole truth either, but all they had to do was ask.  She wanted to trust them, to trust something again.  She was happy here despite obvious drawbacks.  Others in this city had accepted her, whether they like her or not. 

More fear presented themselves as she laid back.  She was scared of what she would find in Russia.  Scared that she had done something that pissed of the Don, Julius, or any number of the people of this city that she considered at the least comrades at most friends.  She was scared to be in charge, having to be the one to take responsibility for her actions.  It was one thing to do something because you wanted to do it without any other influences, but when you’re told to do something you weren’t the only one to blame.  It was just easier that way.  She didn’t want Tamrin to be right, but she knew he was.  Her blind faith would get her kill.  She had seen it before.  Look at war.  Soldiers.  She remembered seeing them before she left.  They never thought for themselves, and because they did what they were told, they didn’t ask questions.  Blind faith had killed them.  She didn’t want that to be her. Not any more.  She wanted to go home sometime  and that would be impossible if she was dead.  She knew she should talk to Julius about it.  Something she was not good at.  He deserved to know about some things.

Hex looked over at the sword she had stolen.  Tamrin might know who it belonged to, maybe she should ask him to tell her who.  That was a fear she knew she was going to have to face.  A couple of days of staring at that sword she had had for the last thirty years she didn’t want to give it back.  But it wasn’t hers.  She wasn’t about to go all the way back to Japan to return it, but the idea did cross her mind.  She stood and picked up the sword.  Fears don’t go away by avoiding them.  As much as she didn’t want to meet who it belonged to she knew she probably would sooner or later.  It was a beautiful sword.  Best quality she had ever seen.   She needed to face her fears.  Being afraid was a fairly new thing for her