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| Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath." You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS "THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN." The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year. You use a NASCAR credit card. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather. You might be a redneck if.... Your parents met at a family reunion. You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups. You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE". YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!". You couldn't learn to swim because your gene pool is too small. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest. On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool. You got Clapper devices controlling the garage door. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans. Your wife's hairdo was once caught in a ceiling fan. You go to your family reunion looking for a date. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. Your high school basketball game got rained out. You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'. YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH. You have a close relative named "Cletus". You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest. |