Jokes!

The Bad Painter

Hal's handyman wasn't the best guy on the job, but he was cheap, and so was Hal. So when he came over, Hal told him to paint the porch and ugly brown. "You tightwad," scolded his wife, "That deck covers half our house!" But Hal just shrugged and read his paper. The handyman came inside in an hour. "Wow!," Hal said, " How did you finish so fast?" "It was easy," the handyman replied, "Oh, and its a Ferrari, not a porsche." 

Untitled (submitted by Lillian)

There was this man who went to the toilet store and asked for a golden toilet. Two days later he came back and said, " I would like to return this toilet." the worker then asked, Why!?" He replied, "Well every time i sit down my butt gets cold. Two days later another man came and asked for a wooden toilet. Two days later he came back and said, "  i would like to return this toilet." The worker asked, "why?" he then replied, " Well ever time I sit down to go to the bathroom i get splinters in my butt.. Then two days later another man came and said, " I would like to get the singing toilet." The worker then said, " O yes this is the best one we have." Then two days later he came back and said, " I would like to return this toilet ," the worker asked, " But why/ This is the best toilet we have!!" " Well," he replied, " Every time I sit down to go to the bathroom the toilet sings, "Do you see what i see"+

Light bulbs (inspired by Mrs. H)

Q:What did the mommy light bulb say to the baby light bulb? A: I love you watts and watts!