My dear friend Joey came over for dinner tonight. My first real dinner guest since I moved in on August 1st, 1997. We haven�t shared company for quite some time and seeing him again has brought this tired old heart much needed joy. I must confess that his spirit is very dear to me. I love him very much. I thank God for the blessings of our friendship.
My heart is strangely at ease now. I feel at this moment that things are going to be all right, that �all is as it should be�. I find it so very difficult to express in words and within the realm of mind and heart, all the things I feel from the spirit. These attempts I make seem so very vague and undefined. It seems so hard to get down the true power and definition of such spiritual endeavors. There simply doesn�t seem to be any definite words or expression for the things which well up from my soul. It always seems so powerful, yet so incredibly subtle.
These words and phrases I transcribe seem so one dimensional and empty of content when trying to capture the essence of my spiritual side. I stop many times in mid-sentence to search for better words, but no matter how profound or charged these words seem, the feelings of the soul are multiplied tenfold at the least. When I say that someone brings me joy and that I love them, it seems so flat and un-alive. I would need to include the feeling of the warm, comforting sunlight on my body, the beautiful sound of a perfectly played sonnet on stringed instruments, the smell of jasmine and peach blossoms on a crisp spring morning and the awesome sight of Niagara falls and all of it�s power. And even with these things envisioned along with the words, it still falls so very short of the true passion and flavor of the feelings inside.
Sometimes I wonder what it is that blocks our full expression. Is it fear? Is it something else? I only know that I wish I could break the barrier and not feel so frustrated at my inability to express fully. But is there really a barrier or is there something we impose ourselves which we see as a block? Perhaps I will not know within this lifetime. But I know that I have felt that full expression, a very state of being in fact, while on my one incredible astral journey. Perhaps this is why I always feel so lacking.
~FIN
