The first was the dream way back in that earlier time. It showed me that Lorraine was a woman with red hair who was married to a man named David. She was in a doctor�s office being examined to see if she was pregnant. She and her husband wanted children and seemed to be having difficulties conceiving. This time she tested positive and was overjoyed by the news. She left the office and saw her husband across the street with a friend. In a state of total exhilaration and joy, she shouted his name and ran toward him.
As she ran out across the street, she failed to see the truck that was coming. The driver braked but it was too late. He struck her as David screamed out in panic �NOOOO!� He ran to her side and as she lay there dying, she uttered her final words to him, �You�re going to be a father.� She died in his arms. In this dream, I was this woman and I lived for that brief time knowing all of the experiences and emotions she had. When hit by the truck there was a shock and upon dying my consciousness rose up out of her body to watch the scene before fading off into the endless expanse of sky. I believe the time set was sometime in the 1950�s or 60�s and she seemed to be in her early to mid 30�s. The city may very well have been San Francisco, but I can�t be sure. Lorraine and David�s love for one another was the type that everyone envied, for they had been truly happy.
The second event was that of the accident I had a year or so later. Derek and I had gone fishing by the twin bridges and were on our way home in my mom�s yellow pickup. We were approaching an embanked curve and the radio was on. I was in a strange sort of stupor. The only words of the song playing that I heard were the words �sweet Lorraine� and for some reason that I can�t explain, and in a voice that didn�t seem quite my own I said two words, �Watch this�. The tires hit the gravel and the truck went over the embankment, flipping end over end several times before coming to rest back on it�s tires. I was still in the stupor as if not in complete control of myself.
Now this is where the strangest thing happened. As we were spinning, metal and glass crunching, I was completely calm but still in that stupor. It was a strange feeling of displacement that I felt. I remember watching the windshield crack as if in slow motion. The strangest thing of all was this feeling that at least I (maybe Derek too) were encased in this energy field sort of thing. It came to be called �the bubble� by my friends. When the truck stopped all that could be heard was the radio and the hissing of one of the tires. Derek began to panic and couldn�t get his door open. His window was shattered so he scurried out and fell in the dirt. Myself, I was still strangely calm. I turned the radio off and the lights I think too. I then nonchalantly pressed my seat belt release button and tried my door. It wouldn�t budge. It was obvious why, since it was so smashed up. I couldn�t even crawl out my window because there was not enough space. The top of the cab was crushed to only a few inches from the steering wheel. I managed to crawl out Derek�s side. Derek and I both got some cuts on some glass that was still on the frame�s edge, but other than that neither of us had any injuries.
We managed to get home and I was laying down in the trailer. I was still in this stupor or perhaps at this point shock. While I was laying there I saw clearly in my mind�s eye a police car pulling up into our driveway. My mom called them to make a report. I was sitting there sort of replaying the experience and was puzzled at a few things. First was that even though the truck flipped two or maybe even three times and was demolished, neither Derek nor I got hurt. Especially given the fact that on the first flip the truck hit the ground upside down directly over my head, crushing it down on top of me. Second, as we were flipping I could feel no sense of turbulence. It was as if the world was moving and spinning, not the truck. My seat belt strap didn�t even make a mark. And third, I was never once concerned or scared at all, not then and not afterward.
So on with the story. Over the years Lorraine would prove to always be popping up in my thoughts. And then, at the very beginning of 1997 I finally met Matt, knowing for years that it would someday happen. He ended up coming in and initiating a conversation. With him coming into my life I found myself thinking more and more of Lorraine and her name would come up oddly. Such as my one friend telling me she was pregnant and saying that if it was a girl she would call it Lorraine. Things like that. And so I began meditating on her and would seem to get vague impressions of her as though she once had a life. Some of the things I felt were as follows: The name Peters or Peterson. The name O�Donnell. Perhaps her married and maiden names? I also feel she was of Irish descent. And for some reason, San Francisco seemed more solid.
These thoughts came to me several months ago as I discussed them with Kristen. She could verify them. Other things I discussed with Greg and Derek could likewise be verified. I began to wonder if it was just something my mind dreamed up or if it was possible that she actually existed at one time. Anyway, I got it into my head as a strange possibility that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, maybe Matt was the spirit of David and I was the spirit of Lorraine. This ideology came from my own meditations on the matter as well as some interesting remarks from Matt that made me wonder. Like his attraction for redheaded women for one. (I never told him about the Lorraine thing) And why he feels attracted, even sexually, to me though he claims he is straight.
So now, finally, the interesting thing that happened today. I went to the goodwill store where Matt worked to say hi and all and was by the front door when I looked right at this book sitting on a shelf among all this other junk. It was an old, thin book called �The secret of the sundial�. It felt strangely familiar and I noticed it among all the other things right as I walked in the store. I opened the cover and there in black ink was an inscription that said �Lorraine Peterson December 25th, 1935. I instantly got chills and felt really weird as I stood there looking at it. That same sort of displaced feeling that I get. A minute or so after that an old co-worker of mine walked in and said hi. Her name is Janet and she worked with me at 7-11. She has beautiful dark red hair and since she tended to drink a lot I always used to tease her and ask if she was Irish.
She asked me what I had in my hand. I looked down and realized that I had absently opened it to a random page. It was page #31 and I noticed at the top was written, �Between now and my next visit I must unearth the family history.� I handed it to her saying, �It�s an old book.� She flipped to a page, page 44, and she read what it said, �The prediction came true with a vengeance, minutes dragged like hours.� As she said that it made me thing of the feelings of temporal displacement I had been feeling for a while now. She said to me, �Seems interesting, you should buy it. Old books are great. You could learn a lot from them.� This whole situation by this time had me feeling totally bewildered and confused and I could hardly find my tongue to speak.
So anyway, Janet loaned me a buck so I could buy the book since I was a little short. I didn�t even find Matt, I just went home with the book and opened it up to another random page just to see if it would get any weirder. It was page 95 and the first sentence read, �She felt it must have more significance than was apparent. She began to recall scraps of information previously gleaned.� I closed the book and just stared at it for a while, not wanting to open it again. An hour or so later I decided to read it through. I really did enjoy it but didn�t get anything more than a good read out of it this time. And now after finishing it I thought I would write this entry while the thoughts of today�s events are still fresh in my mind.
So now I sit, unfolding possibilities in my mind. Searching yet for more clues to solidify these strange wispy impressions. Wondering if it is just some bizarre sequence of events or if perhaps there is some Truth to all of these things that span nearly half my life. Will I get any answers about this or will I just find more questions? And does this have anything to do with all the other strange awakenings within my mind/soul? How does it all tie together? Does it tie together? And if she was real at one point, is she trying to live again through me? It is all so very puzzling indeed. But I am getting more pieces of the puzzle. It makes it more complicated, but perhaps if I can find how they fit, it may become clearer.
~FIN
