Well, it�s that time of year again. Shorter days, cooler temperatures and lots of leaves and pine needles to rake! Halloween is drawing near, but I never did much get into holidays. I might buy a bag or two of candy however since I will most likely be home this year. Heck, I might even carve a pumpkin. I already have the candle to put in it.
All this week I have not had to work. I am still on substitute status and all the jobs available this week have been a bit far away. But I don�t mind so much. As long as I get two days a week on average I will be financially all right. Besides, I have the payments for the car coming for the next 7 months which gives me a bit more security.
It�s funny, but I have hardly left the house all week. I have been to the store once and then I tutor a co-worker�s kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don�t charge her, but she has offered. I simply enjoy being a part of children�s education. There are three of them and only two of them really need tutoring, but the other one wanted to learn some sign language so we do that before I leave. I find it interesting how natural it seems to come to me for the most part. The boy seems to need the most help, but then I�ve read that girls are smarter on average than boys. :-)
I have been wanting to go to visit my friend Stacy and her family up in New York to see them, Niagara falls (again) and the changing leaves. It�s really nice here in the fall for that reason. In California there wasn�t much of a fall showing at all. But here it is simply spectacular! Not quite as much as when I lived in New England, but beautiful still. I find it interesting that this is an example of how even death can be beautiful. As the leaves of the trees struggle to absorb life giving light and warmth and are deprived of it, they slowly begin to lose their chlorophyll and the underlying colors which are always there anyway, begin to show through. What we see is a spectacular display of color, but in Truth it is the death of those leaves which create this blaze of glory.
It can be the same in our lives I think. When we experience our own struggles in life to cling to Christ�s life giving light all of our own true colors can shine through. Whether those struggles are physical, emotional, financial, etc. When those physical things we cling to in life like our health, physical or emotional security, etc. begin to wane and lessen we are left with the underlying faith beneath those more tangible, worldly concepts. And just like Autumn it can be a wonderful display of color and beauty. All too often it seems to be our struggles which define us and build our character.
As for me, I have not really had to struggle much in the past fifteen or so years. Most of my struggles are self inflicted anyway. Chiefly my lack of direction, passion or commitment to any one thing in particular. I have very few well defined goals. I have always been more like those fallen Autumn leaves rolling around in the wind. Letting the flow of this world take me where it will. I have settled many times in many places, but the wind always kicks up again and more often than not, I simply let go and do not cling to that which is around me. Never really being able to put down any roots, but always enjoying the whimsical ride.
It�s not that I don�t value material things or the sense of security they provide, it�s just that I don�t rely on them for my happiness. They can too easily be blown away by the winds of change and quickly lost if not careful. And so, I work like the squirrels and groundhogs, putting some things aside for the coming winter. And winter always comes. Storing funds away in financial institutions as a squirrel stores nuts. Keeping care of items in my home as the groundhog maintains his burrow. But like them, I can just as easily create a new nest or dig a new burrow when the need arises.
One of the ways that I differ from them however is that I do not seek out companionship to share my nest or burrow with. Not that I wouldn�t welcome it at times, but it just is not a priority. I do find myself wondering whether or not I will come to regret this in a later season of life. I guess that some of the problem lies in the fact that I don�t feel I have much to offer from a material standpoint. I put little importance on luxury or decadence and prefer function. I mean, why have a Rolls Royce when my beat up old pickup gets me there just the same? While it is a smoother or nicer ride I suppose, it brings me no greater satisfaction. It�s just a means to an end. I am more interested in the journey itself. How I get there affects the trip of course, but it is not the main focus of my travels through life. And it seems that while many prescribe to the ideas I hold, few actually seem to live by them as I generally do. Where romance is concerned I find myself focusing on the road and land outside the car while most potential companions are fiddling with the radio or air conditioning to make their ride more comfortable.
Nothing is wrong with this and it is simply a matter of choice on what one wants their life to be. I suppose I am just somewhat of a rarity. Most in this world are not so willing to simply let go of the sense of control they feel they may have with their surroundings. I guess I just focus more on the control I have on my sense of self instead of any control I can exert over my surroundings. I find myself utterly more fascinated by observing the external motion of things outside myself, rather than trying to direct that motion. I would much rather save that energy for my own sense of self since it�s the only thing that will always be with me. I can (and in some instances do) try to contain those things outside of myself and I am often even successful to some degree, but why work so hard? In the end it will all be for naught. It�s like the old saying, �you can�t take it with you.�
