Well then, something definitely interesting has happened tonight! After several years of knowing Matt, he and I finally made the step to skin to skin contact. It was like any other of the many nights that we shared together. Simple playing around, feeling each other up and all, but then when I was looking for some anbesol for his aching tooth he came up behind me and started doing his normal �dry humping� thing from behind me. I reached back to feel his hard member and teasingly said, �can I put my hand down in there, or should I just unzip it?� And then, just like that he undid his belt, unzipped his pants and let it all hang out. The boy actually surprised me as he guided my hand on to his now naked manhood. Just as natural as that. The moment of Truth was there and after only a moments hesitation, I began to caress it. I guess I was in a bit of a state of disbelief. Everything had the dreamy feeling of non-reality. I turned around to look at his now exposed member and thought to myself �Wow, I finally get to see it.� I realized that it was now my turn, so I followed suit and exposed myself for his own visual and tactical fancy. We then went over to sit on the loveseat (no pun intended) and began our explorations.
After fondling each other a bit and admiring new aspects of each other, Matt asked me who would go down on whom first. I responded by saying calmly and smilingly, �whatever you would like.� Noting his desire, yet his hesitation, I decided that I would start. I guess since it has been about thirteen years, I was a bit unsure of just how I wanted to proceed, but I quickly got into the flow of things. One thing is for sure, I am badly out of practice. I think I did quite a fine job though regardless. Then it was his turn. Let me tell you, that boy sure salivates a lot! We had to get a cloth towel to dry up some of it. I daresay he was a bit better at it than I had been, so after a bit I renewed my efforts and nearly made the boy convulse. Neither of us came tonight however. Neither of us were overly uncomfortable either. I realize a few things of certainty from tonight�s encounter though. First is that I love Matt, but am not in love with him. Second is that the level of comfort we have between us negated just about any fear or doubt about committing the act between us. Third is that I realize that within myself is still enough sexual repression to disallow me to explode into full enjoyment of such an act. Or maybe that one was from just being stunned by disbelief that he actually went through with it!
I see this as a big step for Matt. There were moments where his uncertainty peaked and he put him manhood back into his pants, but then brought it out again to continue. Just the fact that he has trusted me so fully is an amazing thing in itself. Perhaps his desire just got too great for him to deny. Or maybe he felt desperate because of Sean�s presence in my life and his perception of what that would mean. Maybe he is just coming to terms with himself and had this planned out all along and finally got up the nerve to do it, or perhaps it was just a spur of the moment action without thought. Whatever the case, the deed has been done. I feel no regret or remorse at all. If anything I wish I had been more �into the moment�. It went very well, but had I been more thoughtful and less surprised, it could have been much more erotic and indeed much more satisfying. Not that anything didn�t feel good or right, but that it wasn�t fireworks either. I guess I just see it as something that happened. So now I just get to wait and see where we go from here.
