About Affinity
When I looked back at her I saw the open window that I see so often in people, but hers was intentionally opened to me as if she was trying to actually communicate with me on some other, unspoken level. I looked at her and said to her, "You look different somehow." I recognized that it was the same inner being sort of thing I had seen in my friend Joey just the night before. Something that was not an actual physical quality, but that which I was perceiving on a semi-physical level. I believe she took this as an invitation or acknowledgment and she then moved in very close again and said a single word to me in a tone denoting a question. She said, "Family?" It only took me a moment to understand what she meant. She was asking me if I was Gay. I said, "Oh yes, certainly." In that instant, I understood almost completely her intention and the sense of affinity I was feeling from her. My guard went down as I now realized there was nothing to be concerned about and I felt an instant sense of "connection" with her. It was what she had initiated in her inebriated state, even if it was not fully of conscious intent. I enjoyed the connection, for she was willingly, if not consciously giving me her energy and it became(metaphorically speaking) an act of lovemaking. She willingly gave her trust to me and in return, I gave her my affirmation and acceptance. And our level of affinity seemed tremendous for that short moment in time.
After I had affirmed her question, she said, "Yeah, me too!, but I'm playing it straight tonight!" She then asked me if I knew any "sisters". I told her I did, but most were together and I briefly mentioned our community group and it's website I was developing. Seeming to have all the information and affirmation she needed for the moment, she looked at me and said, "We'll talk about this again soon." Then the moment of connection was over. She went off with the fellow she was with and then there was one more "meshing" in the parking lot. I gave her a game piece for a free coffee I found out there and commented on what a nice car she had. She said thanks and there again was a moment of focus. She then drove off with Mr. Man.
Now it seems to me that so much more was relayed in that short encounter. So much that is difficult to say in words. things that were communicated in a deep level of understanding, as if the experiences that she was sharing with me were in a way, my own. To be brief, feelings of insecurity and desires of acceptance, but strengths of character and convictions as well. Moments of so very many emotions and contemplations. "Shadows" of the events that brought about the feelings, but the main focus being on the thoughts and feelings themselves. It is exactly what I was trying to explain to Joey the previous night. About seeing so much in people, but not being able to explain it. I think Joey was under the impression that I was talking about seeing events in peoples lives, but I realize that isn't it at all. It is like I state above, there are shadows of events, but the focus of the persons feelings and personal views are what I am experiencing. It's like someone telling you what they are thinking and feeling, but not what the subject of these feelings and thoughts are about. Just sort of picking up some details of the events along the way. This is what I meant when I was telling him it seems easier with strangers. Since I have no other frames of reference with strangers, there is no previous insights to creep in from memory and cross correlate with. So in this, there is much less time spent in trying to put things into perspective based on all the things I know of the person. With someone I am familiar with ther is extra time spent on comparing how they are feeling at the moment with the current subject, and past similar feelings or similar situations. And being that the human mind is seemingly infinite in it's ability to express it's thought and feelings, it is not likely that any two encounters will be precisely alike. Similar, yet with subtle differences. This I think is what makes it more difficult for me to define those I am familiar with, all for the simple fact that I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking I know them so well that I make errors in observation because of past associations. This of course presents the possibility of my mind using other people's experiences for cross correlating interpretations of the present person's window, but there does seem to be a different "vibration of energy" to them and the past experience and therefore easier to distinguish the two.
And so I find that this little encounter helps me all the more to understand how to distinguish between the information coming to me "psychically" and the information being formulated by interpretation and imagination. There are subtle differences in the means and it is those subtle differences I am learning to separate. Who knows where it will lead. I hope only that I continue to grow and evolve in this area.
