PT: Sure. :p
PYRA: I'll flip...Call it.
PT: Tail's, 'cuz Gatomon is also know as Tailmon? Haha, a running gag! :D
PYRA: Oh lookie, I get to start! Joy! ^_^ Ready to pervert?
PT: What, like I need to get into a special mood to pervert stuff? :p
PYRA: Good point. We'd make sucky kindergarten teachers. Aaaanywhoo, it's that time again, folks! Time to discuss another delightfully non-politically-correct topic! And what would that topic be, Para?
PT: The mystery of Princess Peach's "???," of course! :D
PYRA: What is this ???, I hear you cry? Well, fans of Mario RPG know the answer. It's Peach's porno. Seriously!
PT: Well, it could also be her frilly panties, but that's nowhere as fun to make a conspiracy of! :D
PYRA: It could...depending on the panties....
PT: Luigi's frilly panties maybe? Oh wait, we already did that conspiracy. :p
PYRA: Right. So, this is exactly what we're referring to.
PT: Oh yeah, especially because Peachie's freaking grandma BRIBES Mario to leave it alone!
PYRA: And if Peachie herself in on your team, she'll hop out to bitch at Mario.
PT: Hey, I wanted to say that! Grr. :p Okay, so anyways, when Mack takes over the Mushroom
Kingdom, I noticed that this Toad is in the corner of Peachie's bedroom, near the throne with her porno. He even says, "I'm scared!" :D
PYRA: LOL Seriously? I'll have to pay closer attention in my 4th game file. But this leads us to our first point: What kind of porno is this? The Mushroom Kingdom needs to know, does our lovely Princess have any.... KINKS?
PT: Oh yeah, Peachie is just a kinky little bitch. :p But that brings up the question of what KIND of porno she has stashed away, hm?
PYRA: I already said that, silly PT. *sob* You never listen to me.... :p
PT: Oh, sorry. :p
PYRA: Whatever, I'll get you back when you start rambling about the latest Daria episode you watched. :D My main issue with this is that Mario doesn't seem too concerned with finding Peach's porn stash. He doesn't even do his *gasp* face.
PT: Well, one could argue that it's lezzie porno and that's why Peachie's grandmum is so hush-hush about it, but that's no fun! :p
PYRA: It is referred to as "???", maybe Mario doesn't get a good look at it before Grandma/Peachie start scolding him for being a peeping Tom.
PT: Psh, the "???," is there to keep parents from sueing. By the way folks, if you let your kids READ this, it's all YOUR fault! :p Anyways, I suspect that it's a type of gay porno, but not lezzie. Let's take a look at our suspected photographer, shall we?
PT: Well, our previous conspiracy has proven Luigi is as fruity as they come, and our other RPG-related mystery at hand is Luigi's absence from the game except the final credits. It's logical, damnit! :p
PYRA: Hmm, and the shady figure lurking around the castle might just be our green-clad pal. OK, so the presence of Luigi suggests that the porn is of a homoerotic nature. Nothing against gay people of course, we here at the FFF are open-minded and friendly! *charming grin*
PT: So where did all this porno disappear to after RPG, hm? Any ideas?
PYRA: That's a good question, Para! Mario ran all over the castle in Mario 64 without finding it, and Bowser wandered all over the castle in Paper Mario. Yet neither of her main men found it. Think she found a better hiding place than under a chair? :p
PT: ...Inside her secret passageway? :p
PYRA: Twist it! :D
PT: Eww! That's wrong even for us! :p
PYRA: *giggles and snorts* Yes, yes it is! OK, she probably just put it under the bed or something, and the programmers forgot to let us look there. A pox on both their houses! May all their crops fail!
PT: I bet Bowser was in on it. I mean, hey, stealing the Princess is a good cover-up to go have her and Luigi shoot porno. And now that I think of it, Yoshi was probably in on it, too. He purposely gives Mario 100 live and a new Triple Jump to distract himself with after he rescues Peach in SM64. :p
PYRA: Yes, Bowser did seem to be awfully nice to her, and he always wanted her to go back to her room....And maybe Yoshi was scouting a new location for a shoot when Mario found him. So, is Peachie's porn stash actually porn of herself?
PT: No, that would repulse Luigi. :p
PYRA: Right. So how could she be involved in the shooting of the porn? Maybe a threesome or something?
PT: She can direct poses, of course! Maybe they were really bad and she didn't want Mario to see them! :p
PYRA: Yeah, she's the director and Luigi's the cameraman, that works. But who might the subjects be? Whoever they are, Mario didn't seem to mind catching a glimpse of them...
PT: Actually, scratch that. My theory is that she was just a happy consumer.
PYRA: K, so she just kinda happens to be in the same area as all this porn is being filmed...Behind her back? Oooh, trashy! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
PYRA: Speaking of which, who could the porn stars possibly be....?
PT: Yeah, my thoery is that Peachie is just helpless bystander in the middle of all this porno conspiracy. She just goes to photoshoots for live action, silly.
PYRA: I like the way she thinks! But who could these mystery fellows possibly be? Let's look at the facts: They must hang around Peach's castle or at least visit often, and they must be somebody she's relatively fond of and/or attracted to, whether or not she wants to admit it, so watch them doing the nasty. Who fits this profile? *drumroll*
PT: Toad? :p
PYRA: He's always there and eager to help Peachie...ewww....but does anyone really want to see Toad in a porn? Um, no. Next!
PT: LOL, exactly, no one wants to see Toad in porno. Crack kills. :p Luigi? That would be too weird for conspiracies...
PYRA: He could set up the camera and then join in, but does anybody other than Toad and a handful of crazed fangirls want to shag Luigi? I somehow doubt it.
PT: Adele wants to! But she counts as a crazed fangirl. Oh, hi, Adele, if you're reading, no offense? :p Urm... let's see... Geno! He's the closest thing to bishie in the Marioverse! Too bad that's as messed as Mario is Missing.
PYRA: ACK! Don't sully my thoughts of one of the few halfway attractive creatures in the Marioverse! Despite being a possessed puppet...well...I've been infatuated with worse. He wouldn't have time anyways, he saved the world and then split.
PT: You've been attracted to polygon foxes who drive in large airplanes, I think that's worse. :p Yeah, Geno's out. Doll sex is creepy, but at least he's not Barbie. :p I'm gonna spare everyone's sanity by suggesting D.K. or something, how about the Chancellor? Eww, that's too disturbing for words! :p
PYRA: Hey, shut up, Fox McCloud is seksy. :D Yeah, let's stay away from mushroom people...They're much like Toad, I don't think they're much of a turn-on for anybody. So the real question is, who would shag each other for a porn, and would still draw viewers?
PT: Two such GUYS exist in the Marioverse? Hah, I think not! The only porno that would attract people are Peach/Daisy! :p I mean, what guys do we have left after that, Mario and Bowser? Yeah, right... :p
PYRA: *bells and whistles go off* Congratulations, somebody give the guy a prize!
PT: Why Mario and Bowser, you insane perverted chickie?! :p
PYRA: Why Mario and Bowser? Well, just look at them during Mario RPG.
PT: Hey, yeah...! I mean, LOOK at THIS lovely pic in Marrymore! My, don't they look excited! :p
PYRA: Well, that delightful event was supposed to be an accident...But when you've got a cynical and perverted mind like me and Para do, NOTHING is an accident!
PT: And besides, let's take a look at this lovely pic if Booster gets his mits on Mario's booty:
PYRA: Strictly business though, I'm sure. Or is it...? Well, that's another conspiracy! :D
PT: Yes it is! But we were just idly showing those pics off because it was funny and entertaining and we needed to prove the porno would work. Let's review the chain of evidence on how it was Mario/Bowser, hm?
PYRA says: Of course! My attention span is that of a goldfish, what was the original point of this conspiracy?
PT: To explain what Peachie's "???" was and all the little details of it! :p
PYRA: Ah, yes, that. So she and her grandma are hiding her stash of Mario/Bowser porn lest anybody find out about Peachie's *cough* interest in her main men. Right?
PT: We first realized that our lovely little Princess wouldn't have porno of just ANYONE, so the two guys had to be someone close to her. Mario/Peach are certainly close, and Bowser/Peach can get along when they feel like it. (Please, no twisting that. :p)
PYRA: *contains the urge to twist that to avoid a smack upside the head from PT* So...that conspiracy is all wrapped up in a neat little package...nnngh...must...twist....ACK....
PT: Our second link comes from Mario showing no reaction at all of the porno. I mean, if Mario wasn't in on it, you'd think he'd do his "WTF?!" reaction? Quick Pyra, think thoughts of Link/Sheik! :p
PYRA: Ahhhh...seksy bishounen....*sigh* I'm OK now. Right. And if he made the porn specifically for Peach, he wouldn't be surprised that she has it.
PT: Who says he made it for Peach? Maybe he made it for Bowser! :p
PYRA: And Peachie swiped it? Hence why she's mad about Mario snooping through her stuff, she's got something to hide and she's guilty! Huzzah! It all makes sense in our twisted little world!
PT: I was actually just thinking that! :D
PYRA: We read each other's minds or something, I swear. Quick, who's the kewlest Koopa ever?
PT: Um... Bowyer? :p
PYRA: ....Your spelling sucks, YES, it's BOWSER! :D
PT: Yes it is! Bowyer isn't nearly as cool enough. :p Anyways, it's all a wise cover-up. Yoshi gives Mario junk to appear distracted to Peachie while he runs off to make more porno shot by Luigi, who in turn sells it Peachie and that's why Peachie and her grandma hide it from Mario because their guilty! Not to mention it may scare little children and people who AREN'T perverted, ala the little Toad shivering in Fear in the corner! Another case cracked by the P-Team! :D
PYRA: Elementary, PT. Elementary. That's where I learned the joy of perverting video games, elementary school. Actually, it was high school...um...nevermind.
PT: Way to be. :p
PYRA: Thank you. And thank you folks for reading, good night!
PT: And don't sue us if we give you a nightmare tonight! :D
PYRA: Aaaaand..cut!
PT: Hey, you didn't spazz over me stealing your lines again. :p
PYRA: Ah, whatever. I just had to stop the little last-word fight. ^_^
PT: Actually, I justy didn't get in my little send-off. And thanks to me editing, I got the last word anyways! >:D G'night folks!