Warnings: OTT Character bashing and OOC, I was still a retarded kid

From across the Walmart drifted a tiny echo. It moved upon nonexistant winds to the ears of the doorman (those people who stand by the door to see that you don't steal anything) by the door way. His ears perked up in an almost dog-like fashion, and if he had had a tail, it would have went beneath his legs.

His mind was flooded with questions. 'What was that?'

He looked around cautiously, 'Where did it come from?'

He let loose a shudder, 'Why would someone be calling me?'

He scratched his elbow, 'What if they were angry?'

He wiped his sweaty palms against his pants, 'Why is that woman wearing such an ugly hat?'

He bit his lip, 'Where did that sweatdrop go?'

He picked his nose, 'Why would someone be angry with me?'

He did a few jumping jacks, 'Oh Gods, I hope I'm not in trouble.'

And then two gay men made out with recless abandon on the bike-racks.

Meanwhile, in the heavans...

Quezacotl frowned as he looked to his comrades, "I've come to a conclusion."

The small green guardian began to bounce happily, but was quickly stopped by Shiva, as she froze him in a block of ice for the troubles his attention deficiency disorder was causing.

"Squall is in trouble." Boomed the powerful Guardian Force of thunder.

The acoustics in heavan must have been pretty bad that day, for everyone continued to stare on, puzzled. Finally, one spoke up...

Bahamut drew in his wings, "You say, call in the bubble?"

Even though he had no eyes, Quezacotl's face showed pure puzzlement, itself. "No. Squall is in trouble!" He boomed again.

"You say, malls are all rubble?" Ifrit asked for reassurance.

"No!" The giant bird was beginning to get a bit irritated, "Squall. Is. In. Trouble."

"Ha ha, Quezacotl! Dolls don't rumble, silly!" Giggled the over-amused Siren.

"No!"

Siren stood, her face an image of pure shock, "How dare you! I am not a hoe!" She growled, clenching her fists and stormed off.

"Ah!" Quezacotl screamed in frustration.

"What?" Question Bahamut again.

"NEVERMIND! IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!"

"Shut up, Quezacotl. I suddenly sense that Squall is in trouble..." Came the voice of Shiva. "We need to help him!"

"Damnit, I thought you would be the one to tell us this first, Quezacotl!" Yelled the biggest of the two Brothers. "We should send We to take care of it!"

Quistis Trepe stormed from behind the meat counter dressed in obnoxiously bright pink. In fact, it was so pink it could be seen all the way accross the store. It seemed to get brighter and brighter as she headed towards the doors for the one, whom she sought after.

She wore a bright pink apron (Martha Stuart style) covered with splotches of deep crimson blood (Martha Stuart style), and her hair was pulled back neatly (to look like she had just run through a hurricane). Her boots were shiney and looking new (she forgot to take off the plastic wrapping), and she was even wearing bottom-of-the-line perfume (or rather just "bottom perfume") that carried a fresh fragrance (who cut the cheese?) wherever she trod. She was beautiful (excuse me, when was the last time you bathed?).

She marched with authority across the store to her destination, and stood infront of the presently confused Squall. Noticing his face was on of fear and puzzlement, she took the moment to smile (My breath has killed my last three dentists).

Squall coughed and made a few short sounds of suffocation, before she reached out to pick him up off of his feet, by the collar of his shirt.

"Come into my office tonight, bitch. You'll pay for what you've done." She dropped him onto the floor, hoping to hear him whimper as she walked away. Though, it was too late. Her breath had knocked him out cold, and he hit the floor with a really big...

SPLAT

He must have wet himself.

Rinoa Heartilly watched from behind a large floating sweatdrop as Squall was knocked out cold, and fell onto the floor. She watched with malice in her eyes as the woman in pink walked away. When she was gone, the girl in blue took a dash over to the fallen doorman.

"It can't be the end! You haven't even gotten my phone number yet! IT CAN'T BE OVER!" She wept over his fallen body, heart wrenching sobs exploding from within her soul, "I love you!" She continued to weep until she realized her masscara was running, and then she just frowned down at him.

Finally, she got an idea! Maybe if she kissed him, he would wake up? It happened all the time on the movies, it must be real. So, she puckered up. She leaned forward, and....

"HOLY MOTHER FUCKER OF SHIT!!!" Squall opened his eyes just as she lay her lips upon his own.

"It worked!" She screamed and jumped up in ihbullience.

"TOXINS! THE TOXINS ARE ON MY MOUTH!" The doorman jumped up from his spot on the ground and ran for the restrooms, the girl following closely behind.

"Don't worry! You can be my bitch!" She screamed after him as he ran.

Irvine sat upon a mountainous pile of Gogurt boxes in the toy department. His mind had drifted off into deep thought and mourning over the sudden loss of Selphie, when he was alerted of a new presence before him.

There were four of them. Four things, all dressed in various different coloured zoot suits, stood before him with faces hidden by massive hats.

"We come in search of the one they call Squall." They said in unison.

"Uh... Who are you?" He tilted his hat back from his eyes to see the four men.

"Blinky." Spoke the one in red.

"Pinky." Spoke the one in pink.

"Inky." Spoke the one in blue.

"And Sue." Spoke the one in orange.

Inky took a moment to hold up his pet beachball. It's yellow surface shown in the store lighting. "We call him Pacman."

"And together," The spoke in unison, "We are... We."

Irvine scratched his head in a bit of confusion, "We?"

"We."

"Yea... Right. Well, he's up at the front. He's the doorman today." The cowboy jumped off of the pile of Gogurt and stood before them.

"Will you take we there?" Blinky asked.

Irvine took the moment to try and see under their hats, but alas, he could not. "Why should I?"

"Because if you don't, Mr.Pacman will eat you." Inky held up the beachball, threateningly.

A dark cloud of fear swarmed through the cowboy's mind as he saw the ball. "Come! I shall show you where he is."

"We! Not, you, WE!" Sue jumped, pounding his/her/its feet against the ground.

"Yea! Don't make Mr.Pacman anymore angry than he already is!" Inky waved Pacman again, threateningly.

Gulping in his greatest fear, Irvine spun around on heel and lead them towards Squall.

It was getting pretty late, and people were beginning to decide that Walmart wasn't exactly the best night club they had ever been to. Cars were pulling out of the lot and leaving, and the store was nearly abandoned. Outside, Angelo howled at what was the beginning of a full moon.

In the dog's eagerness to howl in the moonlight, he dragged the displayed lawn mower out into the middle of the traffic, howling like mad. Suddenly a bus full of nuns hit the dog, and Angelo was no more...

Or was he?

Notes


None.