Warnings: OTT Character bashing and OOC, I was a retarded kid

Selphie dodged the drink straw as Squall shoved it at her chest. "Mwa ha ha ha! You can't catch me!" She giggled ferociously.

Being only in the least bit disturbed, Squall gained the courage to ask. "Are you related to Satan?"

Selphie paused, her greasy apron-weapon dropped and she stared with teary-eyes. She sniffed quietly and burst into loud obnoxious tears. "WAAAAAA!!!!!111ein-hundert-elf. I MIIISSS MMMYYYYY DAAAADDDDDYYYY!!!!" She fell to her knees crying. "WAAAAAAA!!!!"

"AH!!" Squall dropped the drink straw, covering his ears to sheild his mind from the harsh shreiking. A very shaken Irvine did the same thing, as his sunglasses fell off.

They slipped from his nose with ease, exposing him. The pink was radial and shimmering it vibrated and pulsated throughout the room, knocking every conscious thought out of his head like a really ugly bowling ball. He began the seasure again. His head hit the floor as the drool slid down his face and his eyes did that spiraling thing.

The spawn of Satan stopped for a moment. "Irvy's having a seasure again." She pouted, slipped the sunglasses back on to the retarded figure lying upon the floor.

It was too late. Irvine was... obssessed. "Pink! Pink! Pink! Glorious wonderful pink!" Irvine jumped up dashing out the door. "I need pink ribbons! Pink bows! Pink jewelry! I need barbie dolls! Pink! Pink!"

An odd sequence of blinks and eyebrow twitchs followed from Selphie and Squall.

In the mean time, Quistis and Mop Boy had succeeded in beating the everloving shit out of each other. Both suffered from many injuries, but weren't in any fear of dying (seeing as how vampires are already dead; in other words, existence is pointless and without meaning; and in the great spirit of M*A*S*H, Suicide is Painless). Mop Boy stood slowly, and walked over to give Quistis a swift kick in the rib cage. He kicked just a bit harder than he should have, probably... Quistis went flying up into the air.

Through the window she soared shardss of glass scattering before the presence of her unconscious body as it flew through the air. Birds sqwauked and flew away from her path. The tree she flew breifly into gave her a light tap on her forehead, in hopes of waking her for her journey through the sky (or perhaps it was trying to crush her skull). She flew higher and higher through the tranquility of the night into the abyss of Farmer Fran's pasture in North Carolina...

SPLAT

Mop Boy snickered, nervously (Praise Ye Ol' Beavis and Butthead). "Um... Gosh, darnit." He continued to stare at the broken window.

Selphie realized she was out numbered in the absence of Quistis and Irvine. Even being the spawn of Satan, she wasn't sure she could handle this fight alone. It was a good thing Rinoa was still out cold.

Rinoa. "...ZzZz..."

Fate licked it's lips as the great golden french fry of life was dunked into a burning pool of firey crimson. Ketchup. She slowly began to drool as she thought about it. All of the glorious ketchup! Red and green! Beautiful topped on french fries of gold!

"Come with us, Selphie... We can eat catsup and fries together for all eternity (or at least until we get sick of them)!" Squall's calm voice sent chills don't the young girl's spine. The off was so tempting, yet... she knew it was wrong.

"No! I won't become one of... of... you!" She cried.

"Arg! That is the last time I explain this! We are not YOU! We are THEM!" Squall clenched his teeth in aggrivation.

"Oh. Sorry about that! Anyways, I won't become one of... of... THEM!" She cried.

"Come, Selphie, spawn of Satan, join the dark side! It is your... destiny." Squall held out his gloved hand to offer her guidance into the world of evil.

"No! I can't!" She cried, clutching her hand, now severed from his lightsaber-er... scratch that, she still had her hand (Oops, getting a little too into this ^^;;).

"You must!"

"I can't!"

"Selphie... The time has come for you to know who I am..." Squall's voice became raspy and scratchy as he took oddly metallic echoing breaths.

"Who are you... Are you breathing through a can or something?" She blinked suddenly realizing his change of breath.

"Er..." Squall cleared his throat, the raspy breathing disappearing. "Now... I am your... commander!"

The girl gasped and drew back in horror, before screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Squall covered his ear again, "GOD! WHAT IS WITH YOU WOMEN AND SCREAMING THAT DAMN WORD!?"

Selphie stopped, "I'll NEVER join you!" She called, her facial expression, one of agony.

"AGH! It's not worth it!" Squall screamed suddenly, "FOR THE LAST TIME... WE ARE NOT YOU! WE ARE THEM! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THINK HEAD!"

The small girl cringed at his sudden outburst, "Sorry! It won't happen again!"

Squall sighed. "Good! Now, are you with us or not?" His voice was flat and irritant. Then he began to taunt, "Lots of delicious catsup on french fries... forever (or at least until we get sick of them)!" He laughed coldly. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA AHAA HA HAAA!!!!!" (Now if that dosen't knock you out, nothing will.) Squall panted for breath. He did this without cracking a near-smile.

Selphie shrugged. "...whatever."

The older man's eyebrow twitched only slightly, for a moment or so. "Hm... ok, then."

And like that, they became... THEM! (Even though they already were.)

Mop Boy, Squall, and Selphie stood quietly enjoying the moment of peace in the McDonalds. Rinoa was still unconscious on the floor.

Rinoa. "...ZzzZzZz..."

"Ketchup looks good in the future." Selphie smiled.

"Is does?" Squall quirked a brow, "That's not all we do, ya know?"

"What else?" Her lips seemed to talk by themselves as her mind strayed to dream of ketchup.

"Golf!" Squall smiled... and it was scary.

"Oh... Well... Still! There's ketchup in it, right?"

"Catsup." He nodded.

"Ketchup."

"Catsup!"

... or is it?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Notes


None.