Author's Note: This fic was retarded and pointless and both irritating to write and read. So short and ridiculous, I couldn't be arsed to put the chapters into seperate pages.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Final Fantasy.

Warnings: Your mom

Rinoa climbed the ladder to the attic quickly to get away from the yelling and wildness of downstairs. The anger was growing on her as she suffered through the continous annoyance of 'guy talk'. Being the newest addition to the house, she was not used to the level of immaturity Zell and Irvine gave off (and even Selphie at times). Finding no peace on the two floors below, she headed to the only place she new would be vaccant, to clear her thoughts.

It wasn't vaccant. Strangely though, as she saw who was occupying the room, she didn't care. It was the quiet boy who was usually out or in his room. In the two days she had been here, she had hardly seen any of him, and had shared no more than a mere greeting, by the ways of speech, with him. Though, he wasn't a bad looker, she determined.

Squall Leonhart, as he introduced himself when she arrived, was quite easy on the eyes. He had silky sun-soaked brown hair, almost bay, that looked most elegant against lightly tanned skin. His eyes stood out from his smooth skin. They were like shimmering crystals of ice, frigid, yet peaceful. He had a nose perfectly sized for his smooth features, slim, and not too round, yet not to pointed. Thin, pale carnation colored lips, unsmiling, but perfect in their fixed line. He wasn't too muscular, but built to the point capable of strength, and his height complimented his slender figure.

She smilied to herself as she studied him, he was sitting upon the wooden attic floorboards, and he gave her a questioning look. In responce to his puzzlement, she shrugged her shoulders and took a step in to have a seat across from him, leaning against a tall wooden beam.

Squall: What are you doing here? (Not that I care.)

Rinoa: What do you care?

Squall: ... I don't.

Rinoa: I'm already hating sharing a house with... THEM! *She rolled her eyes as to get the point across*

Squall: Who? (Me?)

Rinoa: Irvine and Zell.

Squall: They like you. Why should you be upset? (I thought girls liked to be hit on in constant abundance.)

Rinoa: They're always acting like idiots! They're always in the way! I just want to strangle somebody! It makes me so irritated. *She clutched her fists by her side*

Squall: Oh. (We can tell.)

Rinoa: Damnit, I want to kill all of those guys.

Squall: What if they're neccessary? They're the only reason any of us here can afford to live in a semi-proper environment.

Rinoa: Gods, I wish you would stop using such big words.

Squall: But they're neccessary.

Rinoa: Not all the time.

Squall: You understand them.

Rinoa: No, I don't!

Squall: Exactly what big word are you talking about, then?

Rinoa: 'If'.

Squall: ... (Now, I'm sure I don't remember drinking anything before I came in here...)

Rinoa: Don't look at me like that. You're making me feel stupid.

Squall: The amazing Captin Obvious strikes again. (My IQ is dropping every minute I talk to this woman.)

Rinoa: ...

Squall: Don't copy me. (Damn, I need to take a piss...)

Rinoa: Well, you surely don't like having all these girls around.

Squall: ... May I be excused? (I don't think I can hold it much longer.)

Rinoa: Where are you going?

Squall: ... I'm gay. (Maybe she'll let me leave.)

Rinoa: ... Oh. *Sighs in almost a relieved fashion* Thank the Gods. Here I was thinking I had to try and look and act my best because you're a guy, and it turns out you're gay.

Squall: Oh. I'm sorry, I-

Rinoa: No! Don't be. I'm much greatful. Maybe you won't act so painfully obnoxious as the others. *She jerked her head in the direction of the ladder and smiled*

Squall: Er... OK, then. (Aa! I need to go!)

Rinoa: It's not like I like you, or anything, I just feel the need to act my best around guys...

Squall: Should I ask why? (No! No I shouldn't! I gotta go, now!) *Bites his lip, his legs beginning to shake as he hold it in*

Rinoa: I don't think I really know... Are you OK? *She slowly notices Squall's face is turning red at the edges*

Squall: ... I gotta go. (I can't hold it!) *He got up quickly from the dusty floor and began to hurry down the ladder*

Rinoa: Good luck. *She sighed remembering the two hour wait the last time she needed to use the restroom*

Welcome to the Real World.

Anyone who has siblings, with whom they share a bathroom, is bound to know chronicles about the fight to get in. Someone is always in the damn bathroom! Squall, being resident in the house for only one week so far, was still adapting to the reality that: The bathroom always is, and always will be occupied.

(But why can't it be occupied by ME?!) Squall pounded on the door, quickly, practically dancing in the hallway.

"HOLD ON!" Called out the voice of a slightly pestered Quistis Trepe.

Quistis was the oldest in the house and had been the first to arrive. She had quickly taken charge over everyone resident and had forced upon them such horrible acts (the Stamp Act, the Quartering Act, the Townshend Act, etc. It was turning into the bloody American Revoloution) as the Chore Act (in which thou shall honour thy nature of cleanliness with a routine clean up at least once a week), the Food Act (who's ordering dinner), the Language Act (Quistis dosen't like swearing), and the Sanity Act (this has already been broken in Rinoa's case). Each member of the house is forced to obey these acts with the utmost respect, that or endure horrible suffering and possibly even disfranchising (Quistis has friends in high places).

Irvine and Zell were planning a rebellion at the very time of our current happening.

"I have to go!" It was completely unlike Squall to whimper, but in the present situation, he couldn't resist. "Now! I have to go now!" He pounded on the door again and again.

"HOLD ON! I NEED TO APPLY MASCARA!" Quistis sounded irritated.

"Can't it wait!? I have to go!" Squall was jumping around madly, literally bouncing against the walls.

"NO! NO ONE SEES ME WITHOUT MY MAKE UP ON!" There was a brief silence, "Now, where did I last put it...?"

Squall suck to his knees, all hope lost of getting in on time. Suddenly, he jumped up, with an idea.

"Where ya goin', Squall?" Zell blinked, a bit puzzled as the frenzied boy darted past him, doing a full lead over the sofa, a triple flip off of the lazy boy, and smashing through the glass door at the back of the house.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" A voice thundered from the bathroom at the sound of the broken glass.

"It wasn't me!" Zell was prompt to reply as Irvine glanced at the broken door, from his spot on the sofa.

"Damn... He was in a hurry." Irvine tipped his hat back lightly on his head, "I guess nature was calling."

"Nature was screaming." Zell muttered.

"And delivering a violent assraping in the process."

It was outside that Squall found his relief; behind a bush, near the pool house. So he gathered: When all else fails, Mother Earth is always there for you.

As for the broken door, though...

Welcome to the Real World.

It was like murder through the house as Quistis charged from the bathroom. She took one look at Irvine and Zell and then at the broken glass on the door, slowly leading up to the broken door.

Quistis: Who did this? *She quirked an already very arched eyebrow* Squall?

Irvine: Aa, don't blame the guy. He needed to go and you were hogging the bathroom.

Quistis: He could have waited.

Zell: If he had been able to wait for you to get out, he probably could have waited to open the door... But we all know that didn't happen, eh?

Quistis: I am not paying for that door. He better have it replaced TODAY!

Irvine: Right, ma'am. (Bitch.)

Zell: I thought it was kind of funny... *Zell snickered to himself*

Quistis: I didn't. *The woman glared and marched into the bathroom*

Irvine: *He lowered his hat again and sighed* Damn these women and their PMS.

Zell: What's PMS?

Irvine: ... Pass My Sweater.

Squall walked back into the house, stepping cautiously through the large gap in the door. The sound of glass crunched loudly under his feet as he stepped in and glanced around.

Squall: I'm going to have to pay for this. *A heavy sigh escaped him as he took a seat in one of the chairs of the den*

Irvine: Yes you are... Today. *He chuckled quietly*

Squall: ...

Zell: Say... Where'd that girl, Rachel, go?

Irvine: *The man gave a dull blink from his position on the couch and stood up to stretch* Yea, where is Rene?

Squall: You mean Rinoa?

Zell: Er-yea, Rena.

Squall: ...

Selphie came charging into the room through the kitchen, he face red with anger and a look in her eyes as if she were about to cry.

Selphie: I thought we had all agreed to keep away from each others stuff!

Zell: We did.

Selphie: Then who ate my puddin'!? *She clenched her fist tightly at her side, until the knuckles turned white*

Zell: Puddin'? *The blond boy gave a worried glance at Irvine, who was looking quite frozen, himself*

Irvine: Uh... What puddin'?

Selphie: MY PUDDIN'!

Zell: It was... Uh... HIM! *He pointed at Squall quickly, who was busy examining the broken door again*

Selphie: Squall! *Her voice was at a highpitched whine as she frowned at the man from across the room* How could you!

Squall: It wasn't me. *He shot an icy glare at the blond boy, whose finger still pointed in his direction*

Selphie spun to Irvine quickly, stomping to stand not two inches infront of him.

Selphie: You did it. *Her eyes narrowed menacingly*

Irvine: Well... Zell helped! *He pointed at Zell*

Zell: But- (Traitor.)

Selphie: We're not supposed to touch each other's stuff! That was MY puddin' and I want it back!

Irvine: Um... That might be a bit difficult. *He placed a hand calmly on his stomach*

Selphie: WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TOUCH MY STUFF!?

Zell: We didn't know it was yours!

Squall: ... *He silently slipped away from the room, unnoticed*

Selphie: Well it wasn't yours! There for you weren't to touch it!

Irvine: IT'S THE HOUSE REFRIGERATOR! *He threw his arms up wildly* What goes in becomes HOUSE food!

Rinoa, at this time, took the moment to peak in and calmly just walked away again. (It would figure.)

Selphie: BUT IT WAS MINE!

Irvine: THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT IT IN THERE!

Selphie: THE LABEL SAID TO REFRIGERATE!

Irvine: YEA! REFRIGERATE WHEN OPENED!

Selphie: Oh... WELL I WOULD BE AN IDIOT TO KEEP PUDDIN' IN MY ROOM!

Irvine: YOU ALREADY ARE A DORK!

Zell: WOULD YOU STOP SAYING "PUDDIN'"! THERE'S A "G" IN THERE, YA KNOW!

Selphie: NO ONE CARES!

Irvine: SO WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING? *He shot a glare at Selphie*

Zell: THE PUDDING IS GONE! JUST BUY SOME MORE!

Selphie: I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!

Irvine: GET A JOB!

Quistis: STOP YELLING! *Mysteriously appearing from the bathroom again* Gods! The Sanity Act has not been removed! How are we expected to all live in this house when we can't get along? Irvine, go buy Selphie some new pudding. From now on, confirm whose food you're eating, before you start eating it!

Irvine: Damnit, I'm out of here. *He picked up his trenchcoat from beside the door and stalked out through the broken glass*

Quistis: AND YOU BETTER FIX THAT DAMN DOOR, SQUALL!

Welcome to the Real World.

The 'guys' of the house, seemed to be quite aside themselves, sitting in the overly priced and tacky decore of the basement. Literally. There were mirrors everywhere, and when you looked to the left or right, there you were again! So entertaining for the weak minded.

Zell picked his nose.

Irvine saw it in the mirror.

Irvine pulled a wedgie.

Squall saw it in the mirror.

Squall sniffed some white powder from a small bag.

Zell wanted some.

Irvine wanted some too.

Squall was being a selfish bitch, and put the bag away.

"I can't believe you didn't help me pay for more puddin'." Irvine shot a nasty glare at Zell. "You ate half of it."

"Gripe, gripe, gripe, whatever, whatever." The blond boy rolled his eyes and leaned back on the zebra-skin sofa, and shook his head. "I wanted to be stuck with some party people! Ya know, people to go out a drink with! People who don't care if you ate their pudding! People who actually lead something of interesting lives!"

Zell was fairly short with blond hair spiked up into a haircut, resembling that of Vanilla Ice being severely electrocuded (I believe in miracles). He had wide eyes, the colour of molded fruit (Where're you from?). His build was tougher than that of Squall's in musculinity- if that wasn't a word before, it is now -due to his obssession with world wrestling (You sexy thing). He was always eating, and constantly talking. The man was a complete idiot. (You sexy thing, you)

"You hypocrite." The cowboy sneered from across the room on a bright green bean bag. "People with lives don't want to live with you."

"No one does." Squall muttered silently from his position against one of the mirrored walls.

Irvine Kinneas was something of a pimp (but not really). He was born in Amish country- Lancaster, PA -and shortly after the age of 16 moved out into the world, away from the constant milking and praying. He became a full time ladies man, and was shortly sucked into a warp in the time space continuim in which he ended up in a direction he had never known existed (Todo... I don't think we're in Kansas anymore). He was tall with long auburn hair, tied back and covered by a shady (Not Slim Shady... Just Shady) cowboy hat (Bark! Who said anything about Kansas?). He wore a long tan trenchcoat of leather and beneath that anything he felt like wearing (like... nothing?). As for what his build was, who can tell? He's always wearing that damn trenchcoat!

"I feel loved." Zell rolled his eyes, switching positions.

"You shouldn't." Irvine muttered.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME!?" The blond boy shrieked, standing, and ran out the door.

"..." Squall, quietly, moved to the zebra skin couch. "I'm not going to live through this."

"Neither shall I, man." The cowboy shook his head lowly, "Neither shall I."

"Good, I won't have to worry about leaving you alone with him."

Irvine blinked, "Are you gay, Squall?"

The boy turned his blue eyes cautiously at Irvine, "No. I just felt like saying something... Don't take it so personally."

"Hey, I didn't accuse you of hitting on me." The cowboy whistled quickly and leaned back.

"I meant personally on my behalf. I don't care for the judgement of others."

"Did you tell Rinoa you were gay?"

"Yes." The man on the couch took this moment to glance around the room cautiously.

"..." Irvine's face was plastered with confusion.

"..." Squall's trustworthy reply.

"Need I ask why?"

"..." (Not really.)

"..." (Don't make me do it.) Irvine blinked. "Why?"

"I had to go... and she wouldn't shut up." (Fine, have it your way.) Squall let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair, messing it slightly from it's original arrangement.

"Aa... Not cool, man." The cowboy shook his head in apparent disapproval (Dear God! Not disapproval from the Lady's Man, himself!)

"Why do you say?" Squall piqued with the slightest bit of interest.

"She's not gonna wanna get with ya anymore. You just lost a potential girl." Irvine only continued to shake his head.

"You mean she's not already a girl?" The blue-eyed man blinked.

"Er... No. I mean... Nevermind." Irvine blinked and glanced into the mirror, "That's bad for your rep with her and her lady friends."

"Actually, it's quite the opposite." Squall took this chance to allow the presence of an evil smirk cross his face (a rarity even in this reality).

"Huh? What do you mean?" The cowboy was obviously puzzled.

"Have you ever listened to women talk? Aren't they always on about how gay guys are always perfect?" Squall raised an eyebrow in a rather out of character arrogance.

This was not sinking in to the cowboy, and Irvine stared on in puzzlement.

"Straight women love gay guys." The blue eyed man leaned back on the couch.

A look of shock crossed Irvine's face and the man stared on in awe, "Holy shit... Damn, where do you find this stuff!?"

"Feel free to worship me." Squall quickly dropped the smirk and waved himself out of the room to let the Lady's Man, himself, ponder over this new chick-grabbing advice.

"Man, I am so gay..."

Welcome to the Real World.

A high pitched beeping sound began to pierce the air in the now quiet house. Three smoke detectors had been placed in different areas of the house, and now one was going off. One had been set in the kitchen, one in the upstairs hallway, and one in the basement (as large as it was). Three pairs of eyes trailed to the entrance of the stairwell, and on to the general direction of the the upstairs hallway, from which the beeping was resounding.

"Oi! Bloody smoke detectors... Can't a man have a bloody smoke around here?" The voice had a slight english accent, but not too apparent. It belonged to a rather tall man with short blond hair, who was usually seen roaming about in his grey trenchcoat with a cigarette in his mouth.

Quistis Trepe, looking through a magazine on the couch, rolled her eyes, and shot the man a small glare through her glasses. "Why don't you just turn the thing off?"

"I haven't got time to waste on such shit. I'm out of here. If anyone gets sick of that insistant beeping; be my guest to smash the thing with a hammer." The door was slammed shut as soon as he finished speaking, and the man had left.

Peeking out of the kitchen, Rinoa's face was in a terribly confused state. "Who was that?"

Squall, sitting with his focus on a laptop computer, sat in a red chair beside the large couch, which Quistis The Almighty seemed to have claimed as her domain for the time being. He lifted his head in the Raven-haired girl's direction, "Someone you don't care to meet."

The girl was silent, pondering over the man's reply.

The blond goddess of the couch, rolled her eyes as Squall focused again on his laptop, and glanced back behind the couch, towards the kitchen door, at Rinoa. "That would be the only house member you haven't met yet... His name is Seifer, and he's usually grumpy like that. He dosen't seem to want to try to get along wih any of us, so we don't know to do anything other than leave him alone."

"Oh...Ok." She continued staring as Quistis turned back to her magazine. Across the room the TV was illuminating some trashy soap opera. She rolled her eyes and back into the kitchen, she went.

It didn't take long for the infernal beeping of the smoke detector upstairs to get nerve-wrecking. Of course, it was Zell to get to it before the others. Taking a large baseball bat from the garage, he took a swing upwards, at the detector, knocking it loose from it's wires and it fell to the ground. Pleased that the device was no longer beeping, he laid the bat down and went in search of a telephone.

When he arrived in the living room, the sight was rather bland. Squall was on the internet sitting in the armchair, as Quistis hogged the couch reading Seventeen magazine. He glanced around, poking through things, and found no phone.

Moving on to the kitchen, Rinoa seemed to be baking something, and looked up when he entered. She was stirring, what appeared to be, some mixture of thick chocolate. "Hey, Zell." She didn't smile, but instead busied along her work.

"Hey, Rachel." He smiled, and then cringe when she glared in his direction.

"Rinoa." She corrected icily, and went back to her work.

"Riight..." He blinked a few times, "Anyway, have you seen the phone?"

"Quistis had it." The girl was obviously not pleased with his presence.

"Well, when I looked, she didn't seem to have it-"

"She had it last. Now, go away." The girl began to put more sugar into the chocolate mixture, and stirred harder.

Seeing that she wasn't in the mood to talk, the blond cleverly exited, "Well, thanks. Bye, Rhiannon."

There was a loud thud, as a bag of flour followed him out of the door and knocked him over by forced to the back of the head. Within the kitchen, the raven-haired girl smirked as the bag hit it's target, and she stormed over to where Zell lay and lifted the bag, though it still left the entire back of his head white. "The name's Rinoa."

"Owww..." The blond boy rubbed the back of his neck. He lifted himself and draped his arms over the couch where Quistis was reclined. "Do you have the phone?"

"Get off my couch, Zell." The blond girl's eyes pierced through him. "And, yes, I do."

"Oh..." He was off the couch in a moment, "Can I use it?"

Quistis: "No." Her glare remained in place.

Zell: Large puppy eyes covered his face, "Why not?"

Quistis: "I'm waiting for someone to call me back."

Zell: Spotting the phone between two cushions, and snatching it, "Well, while you're waiting..."

A very bad move. Zell was dialing the digits, when suddenly he realized. He had enflamed the Holy Goddess Of Couches and Bathrooms. The Bitch of all bitches had arisen from within the blond girl. "DROP THE PHONE-"

The device began to wring, and she snatched it again from his hands, "Hello?"

"This is her... Oh, hi, Brad! ... It's ok, really... Oh, that would be great! ... Let's see, cheese, pepperoni, black olives, saugsage, green peppers... Oh, ok... Alright, I'll get ready! I'll see you later, Brad... Bye... Bye... Bye... You hang up, first... You... You... Ha ha, no, you hang up... I'm hanging up now..." She giggled softly, "No... We'll hang up together... On the count of three... 1... 2 ... 2.5 ... You didn't hung up... Ok, on the count of three... 1... 2... 3! ...You didn't hang up, that time either... Just hang up-" The phone was snatched from her hands suddenly.

"Sorry. She has to go." Squall rolled his eyes, hanging up the phone, on his way to the kitchen, mumbling, "Idiots.."

"Woo hoo! Phone!" It was Zell's turn to grab the phone and run for cover to talk peacefully.

In the kitchen was a very pissed Rinoa... making brownies. She poured the mixture into a pan and slid the pan into a preheated oven, with ease. Upon his entrance, she looked up, and smiled.

Rinoa: "Hey, Squall."

Squall: "Good afternoon."

Rinoa: Watches him sit on the other side of the counter, and slides him the mixing bowl and a spoon, "You can lick the bowl if you like."

Squall: Quirks an eyebrow, "..."

Rinoa: Takes an extra spoon, and scrapes some of the chocolate from the inside of the bowl and licks it off. "It's just chocolate. You don't have to act as if I were poisoning you."

Squall: Eyes the bowl, and scrapes some chocolate off with a spoon, cautiously eating it from the spoon. He licked his lips, "it's good."

Rinoa: Smiling, she turned to the sink and began to wash the measuring cups and bowls she had used in making her pastries. "So, what else do you know about that Seifer guy?" She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes, as he paused.

Squall: "He's just not a cool guy..."

Rinoa: "So... How long have you known him?"

Squall: "I was the second here and he was the third. A week or so."

Rinoa: Frowning lightly, "You so freely judge people you hardly know?"

Squall: Puts the spoon down, "I have no right to judge others at all. From my experience with him, though, he's not a cool guy."

Rinoa: "Oh..." She smiled at him, turning off the faucet from where she was washing her dishes.

"Well, everyone's talking about me today." A cold voice entered the kitchen, and it's two occupants turned to see Seifer standing in the door way.

Squall: "..." He narrowed his icy blue eyes at the man in the doorway. "Back so soon, I see." he got up from his chair and left the kitchen, and a very confused Rinoa.

Rinoa: Turning to look at him, fully, "Hello.. I don't believe we've met."

Seifer: He paused seeing the girl that stood before him. She was a head shorter than him, with long raven-black hair, that caressed the pale skin of her face. She wore a blue sleeveless sweater that hung down slightly past her ankles, and buttoned up lightly in the front, revealing black shorts and tank top beneath. A smile seemed to form lightly, dancing upon his lips, "No, I don't think he have. I'm Seifer Almasy."

Rinoa: She smiled and held out her hand to shake, "I'm Rinoa Heartilly. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Seifer: Putting on his best sense of charm, bent, and instead of shaking her hand, kissed it lightly, and smiled. "The pleasure has been mine." He couldn't contain a grin, as he saw her blush furiously.

"Oh my Gods!" Came Quistis's scream, "I have a date with the pizza guy!"

Welcome to the Real World.

Today on the Real World, we decided to take a look into the lives and perspectives of all house members before continuing...

Irvine: *Sits in a chair, lounging exotically before the camera. His shirt is partially unbuttoned revealing the smooth creamy skin of his chest, and his eyes hold a devilish flicker.* I rather like the house, and I think things will get even better as the days go on. I've got to tell you, it's one of the nicest houses I've been in since Onkel Jebediah-- er... Nevermind. It's a good house. As for the people, though... This might need some tweaking.

*He adjusts his posture and smiles again, teeth glistening and making that *ping* sound that all clean teeth make on the commercials*: So, Zell is prety cool. I mean, he's a good guy-- a bit sheltered-- but a good guy. He's proabably gonna be the friend that I stick it out with through all that is to come. His hair is weird, though... And that tatoo isn't very attractive... It's weird, sometimes when I'm looking at him, I think I'm looking at some aged wanna-be-black, white boy rapper.

*He pauses for a moment before continuing*: As for that Quistis- woman... She's a tough one. I'll break her in, though, I'm sure.

*The smile glows satanically, as he proceeds*: Squall and Seifer are really odd... I mean, they're exactly the same, yet they're complete opposites. It's kind of like each one of them is a half and together they make a whole. Squall is the cold, more quiet and reserved side, while Seifer is the loud, arrogant, and a bit impulsive side. I really think Squall may be holding back from me on his knowledge, though. That gay disguise is genius! As for Seifer... He's the only reason I lock my bedroom door before going to sleep. I think I can smell a rotting corpse in his room...

*Irvine shudders and sits up straight at this thought*: Rinwa, or whoever she is, is really nice... Not exactly my type, but she's nice. Yea, I'd do her... Though, I've seen Seifer watching her lately. Damn... She better be glad that Nature-boy (Mr. I gotta piss so bad I broke the door) is watching Seifer.

*Blink*: Or maybe Squall really is gay.

*Shakes his head and gets back to his thoughts*: Yea, and... Selphie. *Irvine's palms begin to sweat and he rubs them nervously against his jacket, beginning to fidget* Well... She's a... She's really hot. *He shyly looks back at the camera* I try to talk to her sometimes, but I get these weird feelings in my stomach, and... I freeze up! I just barely managed to argue with her over the Puddin' Scandal. I want to talk to her, but... I just don't know how.

*The camera fades and reappears on Quistis, who is dressed in pink, chewing sum bubble gum, and sitting properly in the chair*: I'm not very pleased with the house... It's ok, but my dad's house was better... The people are ok, though.

*She takes a large, obnoxious smack, and smiles, adjusting her glasses to look brutally intelligant*: I sense alot of angst and turmoil from within Rinoa, and I tend to associate her with someone like Squall, who seems almost chillingly apathetic. I think the two would go good together, but we all know that Squall's not the type for relationships of any kind, eh?

*She tilts her head slightly, her chewing dulled to almost silence*: Selphie's a bit too childish, it's kind of annoying... Zell is, too. I also think Irvine has been trying to be gay lately... But, oh well! Who I really like to watch is Seifer. He almost never leaves his room, or hangs out with the rest of us. He's quite an interesting character, he's so... mysterious! I'm extremely attracted to him, and I think we have some chemistry together.

*She begins to practically bounce*: Like that time when he said 'Hi' to me! I could definately feel the chemistry! Things like that don't just go unnoticed to me! He was making an effort to be social towards me... *Wipes quickly at her mascara* I'm so honoured...

*The camera fades and reappears on Squall, who looks the same as always and none-to-happy to be here.*

Squall: I have no right to judge others, but if you really care: Irvine is a loser. Zell is a creep. Selphie is a hyperactive three-year-old manifested into the body of a rag doll. Quistis is a bitch. Seifer is a bastard. And Rinoa makes good chocolate.

*Camera fades to reappear on Selphie, who is smiling pleasantly, and looks about read to go into a seisure from all of her consistant bouncing.*

Selphie: Hiya! I luuuuv it here... Even though they ate my pudding. *She frowns dramatically* Irvy is really kyuuuuute! And Zell is really fuuuun! I was talking to Rinoa about going out to party on Friday, but she mentioned something about occult practices, and whatever. I don't wanna go anywhere with Quistis, though... She scares me.

*She giggles suddenly*: I need puddin'! I gotta go get me some puuuddddiiiinnnn'! Bai bai!

*Camera fades to reappear showing Zell, whose legs are crossed, and he's rocking back and forth, slowly*

Zell: So, I went to this guy's house once, and... *Faces distorts into fear* Damnit! I left my skateboard on the doorstep--!!!

*Quistis's loud scream can be heard as the camera fades to black*

*The scene cuts open again with Rinoa, who sits properlly in her chair, watching her fingers.*

Rinoa: I think I really like Seifer... I mean... He's just so nice, and chivalrous. It's so amazing to see that in people around my age, today. My father -- curse him -- always taught me to look for the ones with proper manners. Those are the ones with money... Now that I think about it, that sounds really conceited. *She bites her lip for a moment* Damnit, I hate my dad!

*She shakes her head and looks back to the camera*: Quistis is a good person, I feel. She's very good with answering questions and just for talking about things... Selphie's a bit wired, though. Like a child on to much coffee, I don't think she handles her energy to well. Irvine and Zell annoy me to no extent. How fucking hard is it to remember my name?! I'm aware that it's foreign, and all, but... It's a simple name! Rinoa! R-I-N-O-A!

*Rinoa takes a breath and closes her eyes*: I never would have expected Squall to be gay... I mean, it's not like I care, or anything. He's just a guy, even though he does look good. That dosen't necessarily mean I like him, right? Ok... I'm in denial. *She shruggs* I would like to get to know him better... Maybe if I got him drunk sometime...

*Camera fades to black and reappears on Seifer*

Seifer: *Takes a puff on his cigerette* I don't know anyone that well, yet, except for... Oi! Squall. What a loser. I hate that guy. Rinoa's cool, though. Aww, she's hot. She's really got this cute personality, and a really nice body. I wonder where she'd like to go with me on Friday...

*Camera fades out*

"Awww, Brad! You're really so sweet!" Quistis leaned forward to give her date (Brad the Pizza guy, incase you're just now joining us) a chaste peck upon the cheek. She then proceeded to drool all over his arm.

The couple had left earlier that evening, and now the sun was setting as the strolled through the streets on their way back to the house. The blond woman's arm was linked into the pizza man's own arm (which was slimy with her saliva), and she lay her head against his shoulder as they walked. Yes, heaven had finally sent her Mr. Right.

"Quistis..." His voice was tenative as they strolled down the dark streets, "I've taken you out tonight for a reason. I really need to tell you something... Though, I don't think you're going to like what I have to say."

The blond paused slightly, but nodded her head, listening and drooling attentively as the couple continued to walk.

"Someone in your house is planning on doing something..." He stated softly, his voice low for secrecy (even though their sickening site of lovey-dovey-ness had driven off every human being and animal in a 5 mile radius).

She gasped slightly, looking up at him with wide eyes, hearing the underlying message in his tone (insert 'Lady Marmalade' chorus here), "What do you mean? How could you know?"

"I saw it." He glanced at her confusion, and continued, "When I rung the door bell at the house, it was just like a wave of intuition came over me and I just KNEW something was going to happen. I don't know what, though."

She nodded her head, taking this in, "This is so... Are you REALLY sure?"

Brad nodded in affrimative (afterall, he is an undercover pizza-boy/marine, but that's not important), and they made the rest of their trip to the house in silence.

"I've got it!"

"No, you don't."

"I do so!"

"You always think that, but you never actually do."

"But, I do this time!"

"I seriously doubt that."

"You're so cynical."

"Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it."

"...My SISTER says shit like that."

"You don't have a sister, Zell."

"Yea, but if I did--!"

"She would be more masculine than you."

"Hey, I am not feminine!"

"Admit it, fruit-cake!"

"I am NOT GAY!"

"Then stop being so HOMOSEXUAL!"

"DON'T MAKE ME GET UP!"

"DON'T MAKE ME GET ANGRY!"

"THAT'S IT!" Zell lifted himself from the floor and lunged at the cowboy, his face red with anger. He tackled the other man, wrapping his hands around Irvine's throat in a strong grip.

"Get OFF of me, Little Richard! I don't SWING that way!" Irvine pulled at the hands, taking a moment to lift his leg and sharply kick his steel-toed boots right into the blond man's groin.

"Aa!" The younger boy turned instantly pale and rolled off of Irvine to spasm and shake, as if in epilleptic shock, upon the floor, "I can feel my balls in the back of my throat!" He gasped out shallowly.

Beginning to laugh sadistically, the cowboy stood up, "Man, you better watch your nads next time you mess with me. I'm not cool with being raped."

The cowboy took a seat on the couch and dusted off his long leather coat, then looked up as he heard someone enter the room, "Aa! Selphie! How's your day?"

The girl smiled at him, somewhat sleepily, and plopped down beside him. Without a second's hesitation, she leaned up against him and fell asleep on his shoulder. "...zzzZzZzzz..."

Irvine blinked.

Not soon after this, in came Rinoa and Seifer, deep in a conversation of some sort about something (well, Seifer was in deep conversation. Rinoa just kind of stood there).

"--And I was the lead football player on the team, because I am a genius at football. I made better grades than anyone I know, and I got offers to play for the NFL my sophmore year in high school. Yea, I'm a pretty amazing guy--" Seifer was bragging to the girl in blue, who seemed more interested in a bit of dirt under the nail of her "birdy" finger.

Irvine continued to blink.

By this time, Zell was coming back into reality, and removing himself from the floor. Extreme pain still visable on his face, as he sat himself in a chair, taking deep breaths and making only slow movements.

Squall walked in.

No one noticed.

Irvine blinked.

Selphie slept.

Zell sobbed.

Rinoa coughed.

Seifer bragged.

"It was a great day in Sunnydale! Buffy and friends decided to have a picnic in the grave yard--" Irvine turned the TV off.

Everyone turned quiet.

"Hey, Rachel? Hand me that--" Zell began, but was quickly cut off by the girl in blue.

"My name is Rinoa. It's not that hard to comprehend." She snapped.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't be angry at me! YOU'RE parents gave you the weird name." He glanced at Seifer, "Say, would ya' hand me that--"

"Listen to the lady, Chicken-wuss!" Seifer snarled.

"Hey, Rene, could you calm your boyfriend down? I really don't want Selphie to wake--" The cowboy started, watching the sleeping girl on his shoulder.

"R-I-N-O-A! My name is Rinoa! Say it!"

"Rinoa?"

"Yes! Now, remember it!" She clenched her fists tightly and mumbled, "Or in the future, you'll wish you had."

Taking this as his moment to step up and show the meaning of her words, Seifer smirked and crossed his arms, "Or I'll beat you."

The raven-haired girl took this moment to semi-glare at the blond man, "No, thank you, I can handle it myself."

"ANYWAY! Can SOMEONE hand me the FUCKING--"

"Don't talk like that while Selphie's in the room!" The cowboy seethed and stroked the hair of the girl on his shoulder, as she began to stir.

"Oh, c'mon! She's ASLEEP! I doubt she has any FUCKING morals against--" Zell was cut off by a sharp scream.

"AA!!! Don't use those words!" The curly-haired brunett jolted awake, "It's against my religion! I hate people who think every word must be accompanied by some sort of swear--"

"Well, fuck you, then--"

Irvine jumped to his feet, "DINCHT! Watch your FUCKING LANGUAGE!"

The curly-haired girl gave the cowboy a sharp slap on the face, "Irvy, how could you!?"

"Oww..." He rubbed his cheek.

Irvine lunged at Zell. A fight ensued. Seifer began to call moves, and cheer loudly as Rinoa took up bets...

Squall took a sip or two from his Sprite bottle, and played with the cap, sitting in a chair near the wall, and taking in the chaos. These guys were horrible at getting along together. Maybe he should do something about it?

He let out a small chuckle at the idea and took another drink from his Sprite.

Finally, the mess of arguing began to calm down and everyone took a seat.

"We have some major issues to work out if we're going to be living together." Selphie said, taking charge as everyone became silent, "I wish Quistis were here for this too, but due to certain pizza guys, we aren't so fortunate. Now, first, let's clear up the issue of--"

"What religion are you, anyway, Selphie?" Zell looked up, rubbing the side of his face from where he had just received a punch from Irvine.

"I happen to be a Catholic." She narrowed her gaze, "And, I don't appreciate such foul language."

"Hey, that's cool! I was a Bathlic, once!" Zell smiled, "Baptist-Catholic!"

"I was Amish." Irvine added timidly, followed by a weird glare from Seifer.

"I am an Athiest. I don't believe in such stupid--" Seifer was cut off as Selphie smiled, and began again.

"This is a good ice-breaker. Say, what are you, Squall?"

Squall froze. When had they even noticed he had come in here? He blinked and thought for a moment, "..."

Everyone blinked.

"..."

"Er..." Selphie averted away from the silent man, "What about you, Rinoa?"

All eyes were now on the girl in blue, leaning against the couch.

"I'm a pagan."

There was silence.

"A... Pagan?" Irvine watched the girl with wide eyes, as he drew into the couch a little more out of fear, "Like... what kind of... Pagan?"

Rinoa smiled, "I'm a Wiccan, of course."

Silence fell over the room, and all was silent.

In the corner, Squall smirked.

In the doorway, Quistis froze.

Somewhere outside, a cricket chirped.

Notes


Why would we need notes on idiocy?