That was what Brian's mind kept telling him as Keri's lips kissed him deeper and deeper. But he couldn't move... he couldn't pull away... he was replying to the kiss even though he knew he couldn't do that... He let out a little moan as Keri's tongue entered his mouth. His mind was all on Mary... then why the hell was he kissing Keri?
"Yo Rok ya rea........" Aj pushed the door and stepped in but stopped dead in his track when he spotted his friend wrapped in Keri's arms, kissing her slowly. "What the fuck?????" he shouted, emotion piercing his voice. Brian pulled away really fast when he heard Aj's voice, and looked down at the floor, ashame.
Aj's eyes went from Keri to Brian... even though she wasn't looking up at him, she had a little smirk on her face... and Brian's eyes were just glued to the floor. Aj felt his face grow red of anger and he stormed out the room, swearing.
After a couple of silent seconds, Brian left the room, not even glancing back at Keri who was still standing in the room. He ran up to the area where they had to wait before to get on stage and waited for their cue to get on. He could feel Aj's eyes burning his back but he just couldn't bare to face him and explain... was there anything to explain? Aj had seen everything... Brian couldn't say it was not what he thought 'cause, yeah he had kissed Keri...and he felt awful. He rubbed his face with his hands...he had never felt so guilty in his own life. Not only he had betrayed his girlfriend, that he loved so much... but also one of his bestfriend... who had this huge crush on Keri. Why was he always screwing things up?!
"Brian ya alright?" Nick asked, smacking his shoulder.
"Huh..yeah.." he mumbled, taking a quick glance at Aj who was looking really... really pissed off. God he thought he never had seen him so pissed. His eyes were like two guns, ready to kill him at the first word.
"Time to go!! ALRIGHT!" Howie yelled and the Boys ran up on stage.
The whole show was just horrible for the guys. Brian couldn't look at anyone...he couldn't look in the audience where Mary was sitting 'cause he couldn't bare looking at her... and Keri was sitting right next to her so it was too much. Aj had just no energy...wich was extremely strange... He and Brian were never on the same side and did not exchange a word, a look or a smile through all the show. When Brian was looking at Aj, he was feeling a pain in his stomach... his friend's eyes were reflecting sadness, anger... hurt... And for the 3 other boys, it was obvious Brian and Aj were not in their normal state...they all took a mental note to ask them what was wrong after the show.
"There is something wrong... " Michelle said.
"Defenitely!! I thought I was the only one who had realized but... there is something missing.." Mary nodded. "Like a certain energy between them.."
"Oh come on, he's alright !" Katya bursted in the conversation. "He's just tired ... 'cause he didn't sleep really well last night....." she added, giving a dirty look to Keri who just rolled her eyes.
"And Brian... he has not look at me since the beginning.." Mary said with a pout. "He has not look here once...he's always on the other side!"
"Yeah I know he usually fool around on this side.." Michelle said.
Keri stood silent and crossed her arms on her stomach. Did she have to feel guilty for that?? Seeing everyone's rection, it seemed to be a big deal... She felt a bit angry at herself for doing this to Brian 'cause she knew it would maybe screw something up between him and Mary and... well Mary had been really cool since the first day they had met... but she didn't know why she had done it...she had just felt like doing it and... she was an impulsive person... never thinking before acting. When she wanted something, she was going for it. Well..maybe this time she should have thought...
The show ended half an hour later and the Boys ran to the buses, where their girlfriends were already, waiting patiently. Gaby decided to go with them 'cause she was feeling tired and didn't want to wait after the dancers and crew to get ready. So she hopped in the bus with Aj, Katya, Howie and Michelle.
"You okay Bone? You seemed really weird during the show..." Howie said.
"I'm alright.." Aj almost whispered, looking at the buildings moving fastly in front of him through the window. Katya sighed noisily with an angry pout on her lips as she filled her nails. She was sure that he wasn't feeling good because of what had happened in the morning. Howie turned to Michelle and shrugged. He knew that Aj had something in mind... and if he wanted to talk about it... he'd have to wait until he come to him... 'cause Aj was keeping a lot of things to himself. Howie hated that, but he knew that the more he would bug him about it...the more Aj would shut his mouth.
"AJ, I'd like to have a drink.." Katya said as they walked in front of the bar of the hotel.
"Well go get it.." Aj snapped. "I'm tired I wanna go to bed.." ...with that, he left her standing there and walked up to the elevator.
Gaby watched Katya mumbling something as she step in the bar and then looked at Aj hopping in the lift, his eyes glued to the floor, his head low. Seeing that no one was around she ran up to the elevator and stepped in before the door could close.
"Aj, you alright?" she asked, putting an arm on his shoulder. "You look really sad.."
"I'm okay.." he answered, still not looking up.
"Listen Aj I opened up to you when I wasn't feeling good and you know you can do the same thing with me... I've been through a lot of things and I know the best acts when it comes to deny what you really are feeling in front of other people.. you can talk to me..." she said with her soft voice. "You know you are not oblige right now but I want you to know it.." she added with a little smile, seeing that he has not looked up. But she heard him sniffed and it made her heart sink. "Aj?? you okay????" she asked again. He finally looked up. as two tears fell slowly down his cheeks. The elevator stopped at this moment at the level of his room so they stepped out. She followed him inside the room and the minute they were in, she hugged him tight as he allowed a few tears to fall.
"What's wrong?" she asked in his ear.
"My life is so fucked up.." he cried, his face hiding on her shoulder.
"Man, you don't know what you are talking about.." she sighed, thinking about her own teenage years. "Come here.." she added, leading him to the bed where they sat. "So... explain to me why your life is such a hell..."
He smiled lightly and wipped the tears away from his face.
"Let's say that... my love life sucks.." he said.
"Seriously, I was expecting this.. 'cause... well Katya is not the sweetest girl... I'm sorry but...that's true! I don't wanna make things worst but... it's better to say the truth.." she replied.
"I know... Gosh... I know... but I don't know what to do! If I leave her, I'm alone.." he said, looking at his hands.
"I know how you feel.." she sighed. "But you know... sometimes what we are the most scared of is in fact, what is best for us.."
Aj took this time to think about that... and let out a noisy sigh.
"She cheats on me... I cheat on her... this relation is just... nothing! I don't know what I am doing with her.."
"Yeah I understand... God you would not believe how much I understand you.." she paused. "But Aj, it's not only Katya... I can see... you really like that girl Keri don't you?" she sweetly asked.
"Damn.." he groaned, thinking about what he had seen earlier. "I don't wanna talk about that... She doesn't like me..now ... I really know it so.. I want to forget about her."
"You should not say that... don't give up like this! It's obvious you like her a lot... "
"It's hopeless...there is nothing to fight for.." he sadly said. Gaby looked at him with a sorry look and pulled him again for a hug.
"I still don't think you should give up but... think about what I said.. maybe to be alone would just help you... " she told him.
"Tired huh?? Damn Aj I can't leave you alone without finding some slut in OUR bedroom!!!" Katya's voice bursted in.
"Shit.." Aj groaned, pulling Gaby away.
"You better watch what you are saying...." Gaby shouted, standing up to face her. "'cause I don't now who's the real slut between you and me.."
"Oh dear... we all know who it is.." she sneered. "Sweetie, when we don't want everyone to know what our past is like... we don't say it to anyone.."
"Oh shut you fucking mouth up!!!" Gaby yelled, before let her hand slap Katya's face. "At least I'm not fucking every guy around and screwing my boyfriend's life up!!! I hope Aj will soon find the strength to fucking leave you because believe me, he hates you as much as do!!!" she screamed before to storm out the room.
"Damnit Katya!!!" Aj shouted. "Why are you always reacting like this??"
"Aj! I find you with two different girls 2 times in the same day! And the two don't really have the best reputation you know...some barmaid chick dressing like a slut and the other who just happened to be one a couple of years ago...What do you want me to think?"
"That maybe I can have friends? yeah.. funny huh? I have friends!! The world is not turning around you Katya! There are other people I care about...and that care about me too! And Gaby is not a slut!!! Keri is not a slut either... " he sais the few last word with difficulty as the thought about her and Brian earlier. God...he couldn't even be mad at her...he was sad, hurt... but he couldn't feel angry... what was wrong with him?
"Whatever.. you can think whatever you want I don't give a fuck!" she hissed. "But don't come to me when you need something 'cause I won't be giving it to you!"
"Good 'cause I don't want anything from you anymore!" he shouted back. He took a deep breath, hoping to get some courage from that, as she stared at him with a puzzle look.
"What do you mean? You'll always need me.."
"No not anymore. I'm tired of your hissy fit...tired of you acting bitchy around everyone...tired of you cheating on me...tired of you using me.. Shit I'm tired of You! I bore you even if you were using me and shit but dissing my friends is something else!!So you will please leave this room... and leave my life!!!"
"What??"
"You fucking heard so now you take your damn bags and leave!!"
"AJ!!! You can't do this to me!"
"I can and I fucking did so stay away from me!!!" he said, his blood boiling.
"But I love you!!" she pleaded, trying to make puppy eyes.
"Well I don't love you back!" he finally admitted, staring straight into her eyes.
"You are serious aren't you?" she groaned. "That little underage bitch told you to do this!! Damn she's gonna regret it!"
"Don't you dare... approach her!!" he almost whispered, taking her arm with all his strenght. "You better not approach anyone of this crew 'cause believe me, you will regret it.."
"Let me go!"
"You better leave..." he whispered. He loosed his grip and she stared at him for a moment. She let out a frustration scream and took her bag, that had not been opened yet.
"Don't cry when I won't be answering your call..." she said angrily. She looked at him one last time before to head out to the door and left.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
*** In the other bus ***
Brian tried his best to act normal with everyone but the guilt he was feeling was so strong that everyone knew it was obvious he was not in his normal state. Nick kept looking at him with a raised eyebrow and Mary with a frown. Kevin had tried to ask him what was wrong with him or with Aj but Briand didn't answer. What could he answer? "Aj caught me kissing Keri before the show?" He knew everyone would be pissed at him... especially at him... 'cause he was the bad boy in this story..cheating on his girlfriend with the woman one of his best friend had a crush on... "Way to go Brian!" he kept telling himself. They finally arrived at the hotel, hopefully after the other bus so Brian went straight to the bedroom.
"Brian, you alright?" Mary asked, when they were finally alone.
"Yes.." he sighed.
"You sure?"
"Yes.." he repeated, sitting on the bed.
"Brian... we've been together for about ten months... I think I can feel it when something is wrong.." she softly said, sitting next to him.
"Nothing is wrong...I'm just tired.." he replied, turning to her. He hated to lie but he knew he could not bear the look in her eyes if he would tell the truth. He couldn't hurt her...he just couldn't.
"Hum..Okay, if you say so.." she glanced at him one last time before to head to the bathroom door. "I'll go take a bath.."
"ok.." Brian almost whispered, looking down at his hands. Now, she was mad at him... 'Good job Brian!!' he told himself another time. Why was he feeling so guilty anyways? Keri was the one who had kissed him....... but he had kissed her back... "but damn, it was only a kiss!" he thought. But there was something else on his mind... what would have happened if Aj wouldn't have bursted in??? ...
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
*** During this time ***
"Aj! What was all the screaming about?" Howie said, bursting in Aj's room. He was laying on his back on the bed, his head resting on his crossed arms.
"I broke up.." he said with no particular emotion.
"What????" Howie choked, not believing his ears.
"I kicked Katya out.." Aj said, closing his eyes.
"Gosh... you okay man?"
"I don't know... " he answered, sitting up, looking straight in front of him. "I think I made a mistake.."
"What? No Aj I don't think it was a mistake.." Howie said, sitting next to him. "You probably did because you had a good reason... "
"I don't know... I should run after her.." Aj said, suddently standing up.
"No! No way man you stay here!" Howie pushed him down. "You broke up and believe me, it's what is best for you.."
"You sure?" Aj asked, finally turning to look at his friend.
"Yes, I'm 100% sure!" Howie nodded.
"Okay then.." Aj sighed, and then sat back down.
"Listen Aj... if you need anything, we're right next door okay?" Howie proposed, not knowing what to tell his friend.
"Yeah, thanks D.." Aj said, still lost in his transe. "G'night"
"Good night.." Howie looked at Aj with a sorry look before to close the door behind his back. "God... I wasn't expecting this.."
"Yo D!" Nick shouted, walking out of the elevator with Lexy. "Wazzup dude?"
"Nothing much.......but Aj broke up with Katya..." Howie almost whispered.
"No..you serious man???" Nick said with a smile.
"Yeah... he just kicked her out.."
"Woohooooooooo!!!!!" Nick yelled. "Was about damn time! Shit!"
"Shhhh Nick!"
"Sorry...it's a really good news for me!" Nick bounced.
"Well he doesn't look that happy right now so...keep it down!"
"Why are you so happy?" Lexy asked.
"That girl is the devil... a real bitch... I'm happy she's won't be around for good! That's a good news!" he smiled at her.
"I didn't talk to her much but... it's true she seemed a bit... "
"Bitch.." Nick finished for her as she giggled.
"Okay maybe!"
"Well good night you two! See ya tomorrow morning!" Howie told them and walked back in his bedroom.
"Good night!" they both said at the same time.
"So you wanna hang out at the bar for a while?" he asked, unlocking his bedroom door.
"Yeah sure that'd be cool!" she smiled.
"Ok, let me just go take a quick shower and we'll go alright?"
"No problem mister!" she replied, sitting down on the bed and taking the remote.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
*** In Brian's room ***
Brian couldn't bear laying on his bed, watching tv. He couldn't stop thinking about Mary and Aj... He needed to do something. He was an honest person and he knew better than to avoid the truth. He had lived this once in a past relationship.. too much lies...and he didn't want to live this again. He finally made his mind and walked out of the room. He took a deep breath when the arrived in front of the door and knocked.
"Katya I.." Aj started when he opened the door but stopped when he saw Brian standing there. ".....Rok? What are you doing here?" he groaned.
"Can I come in?" Brian asked, timidly, his eyes going from Aj to the floor.
"Huh..whatever." Aj said and walked back in the room, leaving the door opened.
"Listen Aj... I'm really sorry... I didn't want this to happen... she...she came up to me and kissed me.."
"I don't give a fuck man... you do whatever you want to do... I'm not your father.." Aj snapped.
"I just don't want you to be angry! I know how you feel about her... and well I never did anything to have her come to me... I don't know why she's always flirting with me but I swear that I never wanted that.." Brian explained.
"It didn't seem like that when you were all over her earlier." Aj said to clentched teeth. Brian looked down at his hands. "See... you were all over her.."
"But she kissed me! I... I don't know why I didn't pull away right away but.... I swear I never wanted this to happen!!"
"If you say so.." Aj said, not convinced at all.
"You don't believe me!"
"You know what? No I don't... 'cause Keri is probably the most beautiful girl in the world... and damn I'm sure anyone would have wanted this... Shit have you looked at her? Truly looked at her? The way her eyes sparkled when she's teasing...and turned into a deep green when she's laughing... the little dimple in her right cheeks when she smile... have you noticed that?" Aj shouted.
"I...um... I.. No I did not! That's why I'm telling you that it didn't mean anything!!!" Brian shouted back. "I don't know why it happened but I swear it was a terrible mistake and I feel awful about it! Especially toward you and Mary!"
"I damn hope you do!!! You are suppose to be in love with Mary!" Aj said.
"I am!! I really am! I love her a lot and I know she loves me back! That's why I know I should have pull away.... and I'm happy you walked in the room.." Brian said, his head low.
"Well I am not really happy I walked in ya know..." Aj sighed. "I felt like a huge knife pierced through my heart..."
"I'm so sorry bro...so sorry!!" Brian whispered, shaking his head. "I never wanted this...I wanted her to leave me alone but I didn't how to tell her without hurting her... "
"You know what is your problem Rok?" Aj suddently said. Brian turned around and raised an eyebrow. "You are too nice... damn, you'll tell Mary what you did and she'll fall in your arms 'cause you got this way ...I don't know... but it damn works! Dunno how you do that.."
"I don't know either." Brian replied with a smile. "But I hope you are right...I don't want Mary to be mad at me...I'm not sure if I should tell her..."
"Oh..I think you should. I mean... it was only a kiss right?" Aj said, not even sure himself if he could believe it.
"Yeah..nothing more!"
"Then... she should not freak out that much... I guess.." Aj shrugged.
"Yeah...I'll think about it... so, you okay? Not mad at me anymore?"
"No..I'm alright. Sorry I overreacted..it was a kiss...and I have no problem thinking she's the one who kissed you... Gosh, she was always all over you... and I hate you for this!!!" Aj said with a little smile.
"Sorry...."
"It's okay bro... you'll have to give me your trick..."
"I'll try to find out what it is before!" Brian laughed. "Well... I should get going.."
"Yeah... Bye Rok... Good night!"
"Night!" Brian smiled lightly and closed the door. He went back in his room to find Mary laying in bed, reading some book. "Hey..."
"Hey.." she greeted back, putting her book down. "Where were you at?"
"I needed to talk to Aj..."
"Oh...Ok. Are you feeling better?"
"Hum... half better... I need to tell you something.." he said, sitting at the edge of the bed.
