ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF ED SIMERSON
1 Ed simerson took me to a hotel room when I was a little boy and he raped me. He let me eat a chocolate bar and I was in my underwear. He took me and he would kiss me and say that he wanted to eat some chocolate then he would try to eat the chocolate that was in my mouth. This led to him kissing me. He took me to the foot of the bed and he got behind me and he pulled down my underwear and raped me. Then he denied what he had done by saying to me�son you know it�s not true right,right(angrily)!say it!�he forced me to say that it was not true even tho it was true.he had raped me. Then he embraced me in an hug and patted me on the back saying that everything was going to be all right. One time ed tried to drowj me in the toilet. I can feel myself choking on the water as he held me down. I was five years old. I remember one time ed had his penis exposed as he layed down on his back. I could not see his face but I knew it was him. His penis was gray in color. I see his penis go down and disappear beneath his leg. I am on his right side near his chest. He says to me�that�s okay daddy will forgive you� I remember these men surronding me in this room and exposing their penis and making me tell them which penis I thought was the biggest as if it was some game. Ed simerson was there looking on. One time ed was molesting me in his gray suit and as he did this he kept saying over and over I love you I love you as he made me play with his genitals. Ed would take me to a group of men who would sexually molest me and rape me. They were in a house near these trees. I remember being raped over and over anally by eds friends at the house. He took me to. There was another boy and he was forced to have sex to. I was told to pretend that I liked being fucked. I did not,but I smiled and acted that way anyway. I was in pain. The pain now feels distant disassociated , I was disgusted,scared and terrorfied of what the men were doing to me. Two of the older boys took me into another bedroom and had sex with me on the floor. There were white sheets. One of the men came into the room and filmed us having sex on the floor. I remember my father forcing me to perform oral sex on my brother when I was ten or so. He had his hand on the back of my neck and he squeezed it very hard saying to me �eat it�. He wanted me to put my mouth on my brothers penis.. When ed took me to the group of men who had sex with me the boys were told to strip me and one of the men took a picture of my butt and called my crack an cunt. Then one of the men took me to a back bedroom and there he raped me and the other boys were told to form an line and to grab each others crouches and to come to the room and see if the man got his penis all of the way in me. All of the boys were wearing panties. I remember my dad and this other man made me have sex with them then they took turns raping me and rubbing their sperm on me. This older man wearing glasses comes after this and he takes me into another bedroom and he puts petroleum jelly in my crack and he rapes me. The men made me have sex with one of the other boys and then all of the boys got into bed with me while the men filmed everything. I still remember the bright lights shining down on the bed. I remember joan saying to me as a little boy�son you�ll never meet another woman like me,nobodies good enough for my little boy,my little man. I remember my father and amother were making noises in their room and I came out of out room to see what was going on. The bedroom was wide open and ed was on top of joan and they were having sex. I thought they were clothed. Ed says angrily to me�son what are you staring at,motherfucker get in here and pull down your pants I will teach you what sex is all about, I will teach you a lesson� I obey and I pull down my pants. 2 I remember on one weekend visit my dad made me and my brother strip down to our underwear and get on this bed with him. He forced me to suck on his penis. He said it was his birthday and he wanted us to do something special for him. He wrestled with us and he made me rub his penis. At one point I lay next to him and he rubbed my penis untill it was erect. I remember laying with him and being so afraid of him that I wanted to do what he said for me to do so he would not hurt me. Sadly it was the only way I could get him to say�I love you�. I remember my mother being a tall women(all adults look tall to you when you are a little boy) and grabbing me by the hair and punching me in the face and slapping me untill I bled. I remember my father made no took me to a group of men and made me have sex with them. They made me put on panties like I was in an contest. Then each of the men took me back into this room and raped me. They made me wear panties and pose with an trophy. They called me their�panty boy of the year�. This one man an older man took me into this back room down an hallway telling me he had something he wanted to show me. There were other kids in the living room and they were watching t.v.. the older man took me into this room and showed me this train track at the foot of this bed. He told me that I could be an engineer and that I could even where an hat but that I had to do something first and he told me that I had to take off all of my clothes. This was before I was made to put on panties. The man gave me an engineers cap and I put it on. But he forced me to take all of my clothes off. Then he says�now your going to have to trust me�. Then he took pictures of me on the bed. Then the man raped me. This man brought over his two daughters and they forced me and the boys to have sex with them. The men made me go to the boys in the living room and lay down wwith them. Then the boys took off my panties and they were forced to rape me. There were contest to see who would be the next panty boy. We were forced to strip so that the men could see how long our penis�s were. Whoever had the longest penis won. They made me pose for pictures with an trophy when I was the panty boy. The boys were watching cartoons. They were special sexuall cartoons. When my father raped me and I had nightmares about it he would tell me that it meant what he was doing to me was not working and that he needed to rape me some more. I think I was ten years old when the following took place. Ed simerson took me to an hotel one time and he had me take off my clothes but he had me leave my underwear on. He walked up behind me. He ran his fingers through my hair then he caressed and massaged my shoulds. Then ed pressed himself up against me from behind and I felt something pressing against my back. I looked behind me to see that it was his erect penis in his underwear. He grabbed my head and forced me to turn back around. He rubbed my shoulds and made remarks about how tender and nice they were. He called me a pretty young thang. He pressed his erection up against my back. Then he began rubbing my chest muscles especially wear I would some day develop tips. Then he slid his hands down to my stomach and began rubbing it. He then put his hands in my underwear and grabbed my penis and began rubbing it. I have this memory of me being forced to have sex and rape my brother because my dad told me too. I was afraid of ed. So I did what he told me to do. He told me when I reached a certain point to tell him�not to look� this made him excited and I was very afraid of him and what he would do to me if I did not do what he said. I said�no� but he forced me to do this anyway. I also have a memory of me sucking on someones penis. It was all wet and slimy. I think it was my dads and he had rubbed his spit on it to make it wet. It was nasty. I remember my dad made me rape my brother. He had shaved my head and he made me take off my clothes except for my underwear. He held my brother and forced me to do sexual things to him. Then he made my brother lay on the bed on his stomach . he pulled the back of my brothers underwear down and he pulled the front of my underwear down and he rubbed my penis until it got stiff a little. It hurt from what he did to it. 3 Then he made me crawl on top of my brother and he made me simulate like I was raping him from behind. I have another memory of being raped in the mouth of having someone gray penis forced into my mouth . there is pain. I am bleeding in the mouth. There is pain. I am bleeding in the mouth . there are sores on the penis. I remember ed would deny what he had done and say to me you made it up son it never happened. As if I should not trust myself.my father would brainwash me into believing that I had manipulated him into sexaully abusing me. He made me think I wanted to have sex with him.- 4 I have a memory of being in the hotel room with ed and walter simerson and they make me take off my clothes and dance around naked. Then walter and ed take off their clothes except for their underwear and they make me get into bed with them. Ed is behind me. He makes his penis erect and he sticks it into my but. It hurts really bad. Walter fondles my genitals and plays with my penis. Ed pushes his penis into me and I move forward to try to stop hurting but walter says�look at this he likes it,he likes what I am doing to him� as he rubs my penis. I have this memory of me in my underwear. Ed is with me. He has his hand on my crouch. He is gently rubbing my penis. Then I am laying my head on eds lap. His penis is out. It is erect. My left side of my head is resting on his penis. My hair is touching his penis, he rubs my hair and he rubs his penis through my hair. He says to me �this is what all little boys do with their fathers�. I remember the first time I had an memory surface about me being sexually abused when I was reall young.i see in the memory ed simerson and I see his penis and he is ejaculating on me. I remember one time ed was standing over me and his penis was hanging down and he said to me as I looked up at it �grabb it�. When ed lived in the two story house and I came to visit him.i woke up as if I had fallen on the floor. But I remember how I had gotten down there and I remember that I had been on the top bunk and that ed had come into my room in the middle of the night turned on the light and pulled down my front of my pants. I lay there rigid not wanting to do anything that would make him angry at me. He molested me and picked me up and took me down to the floor and he molested me and my brother. I remember ed being at my legs playing with my penis with his fingers pushing it back and forth as casually as he would a feather or the page of a book. My legs are bare. I can see my bare waiste. He seems to just be playing with it. His whole attention is focused on my penis . I seem to be laying on my back. I think that I had my shirt on tho. We are in a room. My eyes are focused on him and what he is doing to me. I just seem to stare at what he is doing. I had another memory of sexual abuse at the hands of ed simerson. I see ed stick his tung out and I see my penis is exposed . I see this picture at an angle in black and white as if I am laying down at an angle. My dad is crouching down as I am near the floor maybe on a cushion or couch. He is moving close too me sticking his tongue out with it folded length wise upward. He seems to be at ease as if this was alright for him to do,normal for him. The memory is in black gray green and white . My uncle walter molested me also.he put his hand on my crouch. He reached his whole hand down onto my penis and I heard him say to me �don�t tell a soul� he also said �no one will ever believe you.� I did tell priscilla that walter simerson had molested me. However I felt that nobody would believe me. I see in another memory I am alittle boy outside of the simersons house on pony farm road. Scratch marks from joans hands are on my neck on the left side. Joan is looming over me,dark and menacing. She walks away. 5 I remember I stood in this room at this mans house. It was an bedroom. He had told me to get undressed and he made me put on these panties. The man came into the bedroom and began undressing beside the bed. I felt the panties that he made me wear. He told me to put this red stuff on my lips so I would look more like an girl. It felt very awkward and strange to me to wear girlie stuff. I was very afraid and felt very awkward I knew what this man was going to do to me because it had been done to me by ed simerson so I knew what was going to happen. I felt powerless helpless that I could not stop this from happening. Ed had made me have sex with other men before. The man was wearing an dress shirt which he took off and through to the floor. He came up to me and unzipped his pants and made me get into bed with him. He pulled the sheets up over me and he raped me and he put his penis into my mouth. He ejaculated into my mouth and I almost choked to death on it. In fact I vomited and threw up. the man had khaki colored pants on but he had an white t-shirt on underneath also. It was very hot under the sheet and the man took off the panties he forced me to wear. He would hug me from behind and I could feel his penis behind me. I could feel the hairs on his chest. I felt the hairs on his chin. I see in this memory this penis being pushed towards me. It has something black surrounding it,maybe blackhair. It seems to be going back from me then towards me. I know that this is a memory. I have another memory of my dad touching my penis. He was caressing it. He seems to be standing up over me to the left. I seem to be laying down. I see in this memory a persons stomach. I seem to be at their waist. I can hear the breathing movement of their stomach. They are laying down on their back. Their stomach is bare and to me it seems large. We are definetly inside. It seems to be daytime outside. The belly seems to be large to me. I can see the belly button. I feel the breathing motions. I see my ed masturbating himself. It was a quick memory that took place in the blink of an eye. My dad seems to be laying on his back. I see my dad sticking out his tongue . I can feel him putting it into my right ear. However i remember now that when I was a little boy and I with ed and joan, I would sit on eds lap in the front living room and he would tickle me very hard until I would beg him to stop. During on of those times he put his hand on my crouch. Also during that time he would put his mouth on my left ear and stick his tongue in it. I remember how dirty we were as children and how ed would clean me in the bathroom when he wanted to molest me. I see ed in the bathroom . he appears to be getting off of the bath tub to come towards me. I think he was dressed. I have this memory. In the memory I felt someone put their hand on my crouch.. I had my underwear on . the hand is fondling me and moving my genitals over and over. And over. I was scared .i look up and I see ed over me. He has his hand on my crotch. He is fondling me with his hand over and over. There is this light behind him.i seem to be laying on my back. I see an light and ed is standing over me . his hand is on my genitals and I am wearing white underwear. I have an memory and I am not wearing my underwear in this memory. Ed has his hand on my genitals. He is rubbing them playing with my balls and penis with his fingers. I sneezed as my dad did those things to me. Eds hand completely surrounded my genitals. I just had a memory I see ed he is dressed leaning over at my bedroom doorway. He is looking back at me and he says in some sort of desperation.�weve got to destroy it son� as if I am supposed to help him somehow. I have this memory surface of when I am real near ed. He is propped up. with a wall behind him. He has on a white t-shirt and white underwear I can see his leg is bare. He is moving his leg. I can see his black hairs in his crotch. I know from my heart that this is a memory,where I was sexually abused (I almost did not want to admit what he had done to me) I remember ed had taken me into this room and he forced me to wear this tshirt and these underwear that were baggy. He had on white underwear and he forced me to get into this bed with him and I was crying. I did not want to do what he forced me to do. He forced me to suck on his penis and he put his penis in my but and sodomized me. When he was thru he and the other men made the boys in the house molest me on the floor in the room where they were watching t.v. the men sat in an space in the house with these chairs in an circle and they talked about the things they had done to us.all of the sexuall things as if we were sex objects. I feel the sadness and the horror at what ed and his friends did to me. Ed was very forcefulll with one of the boys and he tried to force the boy who was crying into having sex with me or one of the other boys. I remember in this hotel room ed made me put on panties. The room was lit by an lamp that was beside the bed. It had an white shade. He made me put on lipstick like I was some kind of girl. He said that it was for my enjoyment. I remember the lights at the foot of the bed where the men filmed me being sexually abused by them and the other boys. They were bright and they illuminated the bed well. I have this memory of ed standing over me in the bathroom.. he is wearing his white t-shirt and white underwear. He has his hand on my head at the top. He is gentally pushing my hair back and tilting my head up. then I see his penis mobing towards my mouth. He sticks his penis in my mouth . I see his penis moving into my mouth as his sperm comes out. Then is ee my dad rubbing his penis. Then I see his penis moving towards and into my mouth. Now his penis is in my mouth. I have this look of horror on my face. I see the top of his penis moving into my mouth. I have a look of horror on my face. He pushes it in. I can feel it touching th e back of my throat. How could he do this to me?! I have this memory in which I see me standing at the sink in eds bathroom at his house. He puts his hands on my shoulders. He is rubbing my shoulders with his hands like he is trying to relax me,in a dirty sexual shamefull way. It seems that I have a white t-shirt on(maybe). Then I see ed has no underwear on. He pulls me close to him. His penis is lifted up and he presses no pulls me by my shoulders toward his testicles(balls). He presses my face against his balls and black pubic hairs. He is doing this to me for sexual reasons. He even sighs. He has my face pressed against the underside of his as he ejaculates. I remember that he dropped his underwear down to his ankles and he said to me�now you drop yours� . I see in this memory joan is beating me across the back of my shoulders and neck with her fist very hard. I have no shirt on. Joan is beating me across my back especially my middle and lower and then upper back really hard. She seems to be squeezing and pinching my shoulders extremely hard. Also I rmember seeing myself in the bathroom fully clothed. I am standing looking at the sink. Ed in his white underwear and t-shirt comes silently and stands behind me. I suddenly turn around startled and I look at him, with an fearfull look. I also have this memory of being in the bathroom with ed at the time he made me perform oral sex on him. My underwear is pulled down he turns me around and puts his penis to my butt and he touches my anas with his fingers. I also see jonathan standing in there as it were on a stool at the sink with his pants and underwear pulled down. I can see his penis and ed is doing the samething to him. I see in this memory that I seem to be looking back over my shoulder without my shirt on,in the front living room of eds house. I have this solid feeling of being punished by joan. Joan is standing behind me. She is moving toward me. My shirt is off. I have antoher memory of me laying on my back in my underwear. I seem to be older. someone is lifting up my waist and sticking his fingers and hands inside my underwear. He seems to be touching my crouch. I have this look like I am just letting him do it. My face is expressionless. The words are said�who would have ever thought it was me�. I am seeing myself from the outside now. Then I have the same memory but I am looking up at ed through my eyes from the position I am laying in, on my back. The person who is molesting me is at my knees. They are talking to me but it seems like they are telling me in slow motion the words�nobody would ever believe it was me�, but I also have trouble hearing them because it sounds like they are talking in slow motion. For some reason I think that it may be somebody other than ed. I think of this man I met when I lived as a little boy in the price foster home. The man had blonde hair. I then see the man kneeling down near me. He has brown hair instead of blonde now and he is saying something like �nobody would ever believe it was me�. I now know this man also molested me. My head hurt very much as this memory pushed its way up but once I wrote it my head stopped hurting almost immediately. I have a memory of my dad putting his finger in my anus. I remember being made to wear panties. I remember being taken to the house where those men raped me. I remember being taken into this bedroom by this man called jack. I don�t know if jack is his real name. He acted as if he cared about me and we got onto the bed and laid down beside each other. All I had on were panties and jack talked to me and everything seemed okay at first but then jack took his finger and began stroking my crotch. He then put his whole hand on my crotch and he gently grasped my genitals with his hand. He seemed and appeared to be real kind to me. But in the end all he wanted from me sadly was sex.. I remember in one room there was an bed that had an chain on it and an dog collar. The sheets on the bed were whitish pink like satin. There were lights on poles around the bed and there was an video camera of some kind facing the bed. The men made me get into the bed and they chained me to the bed and they began filming me. I can still hear the sound of the video camera and I remember how bright the lights were. Ed got on to the bed and put his hands on the collar and then he began doing things to me. He grabbed my crotch and said�good little girl� . he then would pull on the panties and pull them down. He would say�I want to have sex with you honey� I would resist but he would force me down on the bed and he would treat me as if I was an girl. He would say things like �come here honey� and I would say to him things like �no I don�t want to�. He would rub my crotch and he would sniff my hair and he would pull the panties down to my ankles and he would rub my but and put his hands in my crack. He would force his hands into my anus. Then he would put his penis in my but. He would put his fingers into my crack and try to dig out any excrement and then he would rub it on my face. He would say �now listen to your father� and I would say things like �please stop it please�. As I said he would stick his penis in my but and he would say �ooh doesn�t that feel good�. It hurt so bad what he did to me that I cried. Tears poured down my face. All he would do is wipe away my tears with those panties.. he would sodomize me and he would clench my face forcing me to let him kiss me. He would kiss me on the cheeks and kiss me on the lips. I remember that he would lick my face. They would bring in a dog that they would make to get on the bed and they would force me to have sex with the dog. When they were thru with the dog and the dog was gone he would spread out my legs and he would play with my genitals. He would get on top of me and massage my shoulders. He would make me recline backwards and he would say �shish shish�. He would slide his hand into my panties and fondle my genitals. He would rub my penis and he would make it stiff. They would film him doing this to me. He would say�let me take care of that�. He would force me to open my mouth and he would stick his penis in it. He would ejaculate into my mouth and it was disgusting. He would make me eat it. He would tell me to just relax and take it in and eat it. This other man would then come and get into the bed and ed would get out of the bed. The man would put his finger on his lips and giggle. He would grab me by the throat and choke me. He would rub my chest with petroleum jelly and he would rub it all over my body and head. He slicked my hair back with an black comb.he would relax me and he would rub my shoulders. I could smell excretion. I remember after they would film them sexually abusing me they would make me take an bath and even in that they would sexually abuse me. They would play with my penis.i can see myself like I am looking down from the ceiling. The boys would rub my shoulders and get behind me and sodomize me. When I was on the bed the man would pull on the chain. He would say �come hear my sweet dear little prince�. He would kiss me emphatically. He would get on top of me.he had on white underwear and his penis was bulging. He rubbed his mound up against my chest. He then pulled his penis out and acted as if he were eagerly anticipating something. He forced me to put his penis in my mouth after he rubbed it on my chest.. he told me to suck on it. He would say�now daniel I want you to suck on my dick�as if he were an doctor telling me to do something. He called me his little girl. He would force me to suck on his penis. I would tell him �I don�t want to do this�but he would just say�shoosh shoosh its okay baby�. I would hear him say. He would take off my panties and lay down on top of me. He turned me around and forced his penis into my rear. I would cry and say�it hurts it hurts stop please stop�. But he would just keep raping me. Now to tell you about a man named john. I remember this big man who called himself john who would come out to the simerson house on pony farm road and take me for a ride in his car. I would see cash exchange hands between him and ed simerson. But I never knew what was going on untill it was to late. The man would take me to his nice house and I would think wow this is a nice house and he would take me inside. There would be other little boys inside the house and there were figuerines in the front room of the house all around the front room. There was one curley haired boy about my age there. He had short curly gold brown hair. I remember the man taking me into a room which he called his special room. In the room was an bed and an set of lights. The kind you see in an photo studio. There was an camera with the lens facing the bed. The man forced us to strip off all of our clothes but he took off our underwear as if it were the natural thing to do. The man put us on the bed and he would have us sit next to each other and he would take pictures of us naked. He would rub our shoulders to position us for poses. Then he came to the side of the bed and picked me up and placed me half on top of the curley haired boy and half on my belly on the bed. He then took my leg and pulled it and my waist over the boys buttocks and then he said�now I want you to hump him� then he explained to us what he wanted us to do then he took more pictures. He would then come over to the side of the bed and rub my buttocks and then he would get into bed with us. He took off all of his clothes except for his underwear. He pulled down his underwear exposing his large penis and he rubbed it into my crack. I was horrorfied.. he pressed down on me and he pushed his erect penis into me sodomizing me. I remember him sitting and sodomizing me and forcing me to suck on his penis when he was not doing that. I remember crying and saying no to him but he would act like he was comforting me and he would give me something red to drink then he would go back to forcing me to suck on his penis. He ejaculated into my mouth. He sodomized me and forced me to act like I liked it. Then it would be over with and he would wash our underwear in an white sink and dry it with an hair dryer or something like it. Then he would take me back to the house on poney farm road.it was an sunny day and what happened had depressed me so much.
