THE CADDY
Yes, we are talking about the one and only Caddy. The Pimp Mobile. Greatest. Car. Ever. Period. And if you experienced the joy of this thing, you know exactly what I am talking about. List below are the various updates I had been keeping on The Caddy. Well, there weren't many updates, but still, here it is. They will be in reverse chronological order, starting with His obituary.
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Cadillac "The Caddy" Coupe Deville
Circa late '84 - November 8, 2003
Yes, it finally happened. The day many of you bastards said would come. The day, the Caddy died. Technically he isn't dead. He sits everyday at Newsom Marathon waiting to be junked. Marla's dad hates that car so much, he is literally going to shoot it. Literally unload a clip into the engine. He is not joking around. He hates that car with all his heart and soul. He hates it that much, I would not be surprised if it was a huge conspiracy between he and my mom to make me get rid of it. But anyway, it almost killed him. He said he was driving it down 490 when the steering completely froze up.
COUPE DEVILLE, CADILLAC "CADDY", 19, of Cleveland, died 11/08
circa 1984 - November 8, 2003
Decorated workhorse, transporter of Patrick; also Marla and Timothy. Known to many as "The Pimp Mobile." Pulled over once because thought to be drug-running car on I-71. Loved by all, with a backseat that could sit 4 comfortably. Viewing is currently in the hood at Newsom Marathon, 969 E. 152 St., Cleveland, OH 44110. In leau of flowers, the family wishes donations be made to the Get Pat Out of Credit Card Debt Fund, at any Bank One.
Cady Update, 09.27.03
Fuck that dude. So after sitting for a week and a half, I finally put on the belt that broke off. Alls was well, but then the one pully was kinda seized up. The engine may or may not be fucked. It makes a new strange noise now when he runs. If I can get him back to C-Town, he may stay there. My mom found a p.o.s. 90 Geo Prism with 140,000 miles on it. Whatever. I just need to get around.
Cady Update, 07.23.03
Good news for the Cady. 1, it is still running. 2, I got a parking pass for this year. I just need to call them and straighten it out into the Caddy's name.
Cady Update, 04.21.03
I know I haven't talked about the Cady in a while. That is because he has been chillin down here for the last two weeks, I haven't needed him too extensively. Well, wrap up the 2002-2003 school year for the Cady. He served me proud. I got a ride back down here with Nick because I am driving a UHaul back to C-Town when I move out in 10 days or so. I'm not saying I got him home without a fight, though. When I was driving home Thursday night, it was raining. Well, all of the sudden, my driver side wiper begins flopping around like it's gonna fall off, so I get off the highway and pull into a gas station. I take a look at it and snap it back on and all seemed ok. Well, I was driving and it started flopping again. This time I say fuck a gas station and pull over right on the highway. I think to myself, I don't need a wiper on the passenger side, so I take that one off and put it on the driver side to replace the broken wiper. Now, I didn't want my wiper arm on the passenger side to scratch my windshield. Here is where I was like "What would MacGyver do in this situation? i thought about it and I got a sock and put it over the wiper arm. I then tied it there with a shoelace. This way my wiper arm wouldn't scratch my windshield. Genius. So I am driving and like five minutes later, the new wiper on the driver side begins flapping around like the other one. I get pissed now and pull off to a gas station. I now have no good wipers. I start to think like MacGyver and I took the shoelace and somehow tied my wiper to the wiper arm. I tested it for a minute and it seemed like it would hold. I hit the road again, with no problems for a while. Well, it starts to rain a lot and my sock was filling with air, so it looked like a balloon on my wiper arm on the passenger side. All of the sudden, it makes this funny noise and flies away. I can just imagine the guy behind me getting hit with a wet sock. So now I pull over a 4th time and tie the other wiper on with another shoelace. This concludes my wiper story, and here is a picture of my white trash windshield wipers.
But anyways, Cady, since you made it to summer, I will be good to you. You are inheriting PWING's system (not me PWing, my old awesome '90 Probe PWING). Yes, you will truly be a ghetto-ass ride once the system is installed. Hey, if I was loaded, I'd get you ghetto rims too.
Cady Update, 04.07.03
100,000!!! For those doubters out there, fuck you. The Cady hit this remarkable milestone this weekend while leaving Kent State University. Other than that, he is running pretty decent. His gas mileage is getting better, but he still is dieing here and there. He also got an oil change this weekend while I worked and I also washed his whitewalls, so now he looks pimp. Oh yeah. There was an '86 Coupe Deville at the station for a few weeks. It was there too long, so Mike had it impounded. So I took the centercap of one of its hubcaps and I also took another part I needed. Fuck him. He shouldn't have had his car impounded. Now the Cady looks even better. He will be awesome this summer when we fix him for good and I put the system in it.
Cady Update, 03.28.03
Oh that asshole. He is liking this whole cutting off in the middle of driving thing. Now he has been doin' it when I am driving, not just when I am idling. I think it is just because he is low on gas.
Cady Update, 3.25.03
He's runnin' strong. Only 400 miles or so to get to 100,000 miles. Not bad at all. If I have money at the time, I'll get him a super nice car wash and a good oil change. But he is being a bitch slightly. Sometimes, the Power locks, power seats, and horn randomly don't work. His wiring is fucked up I believe. Oh well, he is runnin' good and that's alls I can ask of him.
Cady Update, 03.10.03
If you have read this far, you know that we made it back to Dayton, so he made it as well. Actually, I am very happy with him. That was a lot of driving for one weekend. I shall reward him with a car wash Friday at home. It was a very difficult test, waiting in line to cross the border both times. Moral of the story, he is running pretty decent still and I'm tired and want to go to bed.
Cady Update, 03.05.03
He only died once today I believe as I was venturing to Subway (eat fresh). For those of you that don't know, Tuesdays are double stamp days at the Way of the Sub. He received good news as he found out that he doesn't have to drive to Cleveland after formal. The lovely Marla will instead accompany me back to the armpit of Ohio for the week since Spring Break starts anyways next weekend. He also was very flattered by the nice comments made by Spencer and Harmon. They complimented him on his nice clean new Cadillac hubcaps.
Cady Update, 03.04.03
Just made it back to Dayton a few hours ago. After the work done to him, I believe he is a lil' happier now. He is a lil' quieter and I spruced him up by putting on a complete set of hubcaps and gettin him washed. Also, the power seats now work, as does the driver's side window washer, so I can now clean the windows. Plus, now Marla doesn't have an excuse not to drive since she can now move the seat up. Let's hope and pray that he can handle the 600 miles coming up this weekend.
On a brighter note for the Cady, the new purchase has already paid for itself. While flying through good ol' Medina county, the 2 day old radar detector detected that a fucking trooper was pointing a laser right at the vintage '85 Coupe Deville. The detector's god-awful ear piercing alarm told me to slow down just in time, or JIT for all of you Cost Accounting buffs.