[08.27.06]
Written by: PWFSI Associated Press

Oh Six or Bust!

[08.27.06] -- Just a week after the 2006 Draft concluded in a record time of just over 4 hours, the PWFSI AP returns from it's long hiatus to bring you a recap of the events.

The pre-draft ceremonies started with everyone getting pumped and ready for this year's draft. Hellespont and Wisconsin couldn't wait to get it started, as they quickly hashed out a trade that sent Ron Dayne to Wisconsin for a measly 14th round pick. That trade sent the tone for the other oddball trade that happened later in the evening.

A low turnout was expected, but surprisingly only two owners were vacant in attendance. The big surprise that one of them was Tenured Seattle Slugs owner, Jabin. Mr. Quick had a problem arise with one of his many investments at the end of the week that he had to take care of and was unable to make it. Jabin was known to be visably upset by the results of the draft after it was found out that he was betrayed by who he thought was a loyal Slug fan, but had turned out to be Kalamazoo Vikings' owner's son T-Biscuit dressed in Slug gear.

Also missing was Cranville owner Angela. The Wolverine owner was in the middle of moving the Cranville operations from their old headquarters in Benton Harbor to their recently finished plush office space in Cranville, Wisconsin just across the pond. Production of their new office space was delayed as the design team had forgotten to order the solid titanium plaque that was to be hoisted in the team locker-room that states, "Remember the inaugural Hellespont sweep, every point matters!" Ms. Angela was very upset that the opening of the office space was delayed to the same time as the draft, however she was able to enlist the services of a local bar whore to run and turn in the cards to the president in time for her picks to be made.

The draft started without a hitch. A early draft off between Helena and Timbuktu was not expected to be very competitive as most people were expecting Timbuktu to be as passive and unknowledgeable about drafting like he has shown in the past. However, that was not the case as Helena's owner James and others in the league were surprised by Buc owner Jock's preparation for the draft.

Confusion turned into chaos as James was worried about locking up a top WR, that he burned his 3rd and 4th pick on WR Burress and TE Shockey respectively, while Jock continued locking up the new Indianapolis and Packer running backs to go along with his protected stalwart W. Dunn. Apparently switching strategies from a successful formula last year in drafting a ton of RBs early, James must have been rattled to end up drafting 3 TE's within his first 12 picks. Jock seemed to take a very plausible strategy to a whole nother level as he kept drafting nothing but running backs up until the 10th round before he took a single wide receiver.

The Slackers of Green Bay entered the fray in the 6th round but obviously forgot the winning strategy that had worked for him last year, as he quickly snatched up rookie WR Jennings and a bunch of other 4th string player who had a former ties with the organization. It was obviously an off day for Dave, or maybe the previous year was, as other owners were throwing out names trying to predict which former Slacker he would draft next. The low came when fullback Zach "Davey" Crockett was selected with the Green Bay final selection of the evening.

The second head-scratchier of a trade happened right as the meat of the teams were about to enter the fray. The Champs sent recently drafted Mike Anderson to Detroit (to back up Jamal Lewis) for Detroit's 11th round pick Nate Burelson. Surprising this trade was that no other compensation was sent and why Rocko hadn't drafted Burelson with either of her other previous picks. Many rumors have circulated regarding what Bob managed to do to urge Willa to do the trade from Puppies to a white glove. Whatever the case, it seemed to work out well for her last year, possibly back to back championships is in the works again. However it will be noted that the many observers don't believe that she has the running back core to properly compete on a week-to-week basis in the league. Time will surly tell.

Halfway through the draft, Helena introduced their new general partner Dre Johnson, who filled in while James had to take an important phone call regarding the financial difficulties of fielding a team in Montana. The back-story here is that Dre, who is a successful famous surgeon in Miami (also owner of PWFBL's Miami Hustlers) bought into the Helena franchise after they nearly went bankrupt trying to finance the building of their new state of the art facility. Part of the terms of that condition, is that the Hobbits will play three of their 7 home games in Miami until the city is awarded a PWFFL franchise of their own. Information was a bit scarce at our deadline, but more information will be leaked as it becomes readily available as to the business arrangement between the Hobbits and the city of Miami.

The rest of the draft went as expected. Green Bay aids consistently had to fight off their owner's narcolepsy. Timbuktu finished an impressive showing (for him) with a very solid team. Wisconsin finished once again with a very shaky receiving core and W. Palm Beach drafted a bunch of players that everyone figures will not be on the Chads' roster come October. It was a great and well moving draft and the President is looking forward to another great year of "poofle" action.