Driven Off the Pier
Week 1 [09.12.05] W. Palm Beach, FL -- The NFL wasn't the only league that turned out some surprising results in their first week of play. The start of the Puck's World Fantasy Football League (PWFFL) has come and gone with a few amazing and shocking turn of events. The most outstanding surprise of them all was the huge upset by the W. Palm Beach Chads over the Detroit Drive, 108-84.
While the President's darling pick Detroit put up respectable numbers, the Chads went crazy with a huge game out of rookies Willie Parker and Heath Miller along with a strong defensive effort to limit the Drive's Mike Vick to just six points. Parker wasn't the only running back to put up a huge game against Detroit, as Rudi Johnson and Portis also cracked 100 yards apiece.
Detroit was without all-pro Antonio Gates this week due to being suspended for keying Mr. Pinter's limo during their sometimes nasty off-season contract dispute. That wasn't the only problem. The Drive's strength, their running game, just couldn't get moving against W. Palm Beach's stout Buffalo-style run defense. Mr. Pinter could not be reached after the game for comment, but team publicist Otto M. O'Beal gave us an insight as to the Drive's mood in the locker room.
"We are not stressing the loss to the Chads. Look people, Rocko started out 1-5 last year and strung off an 8 game winning streak to make the playoffs. We had one bad game. Lewis and McGahee will both bounce back and will be top 10 running backs in this league when we close out the season in December. Detroit will respect the game's results and the Chads played a heck of a game. We couldn't imagine that the rookie (Parker) would run all over us. That came down to our preparation for the game and had we gone into the game with a different defensive philosophy, we would have made it a lot closer if not victorious. Now that our rival England is gone to hold us down, we will be able to rise to the top of this league. Just look at how Kalamazoo looked this week, they are no longer unstoppable and we will knock that crown off their head finally. Mr. Pinter believes that is well past time for the new blood to rise to the top and take over this league."
Chad's owner Dwayne was also one not to make more out of week 1's victory than necessary. However, not long after the game he cut just about half of his team, most were players who decided not to show up for the game against the Drive. Most surprising was limping wide receiver Jerry Porter and local second year man, Mike Clayton. Clearly they had entered the coach's doghouse during the Detroit game and instead of putting them up on the trade block, cut them outright. With the need of quality receivers throughout the league, it would be a surprise if either of those wide outs clear waivers. Clearly, the owner with the short leash is back, this time with a week one victory.
W. Palm Beach looks to have a walk in the park in Week 2 as they are early 10-point favorites over the Green Bay Slackers. Detroit, however, looks to have another tough match up as they face the wounded but still very dangerous Wisconsin team.
Rhode Island 80, Kalamazoo 59
That is not a misprint. Kalamazoo lost their first season opener in franchise history this week. Most of it could be pinned to the horrible play of Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper who managed three interceptions and two lost fumbles for a total of negative six points on the day. While the Vikings defense was able to hold the high scoring Ridicule to just 80 points, they just couldn't get their own running game going to offset Culpepper's horrid outing. Kalamazoo better right the ship soon, as longtime rival Seattle is coming into town for the Vikings' home opener. Rhode Island will take on the powerful expansion team, Helena.
Timbuktu 104, Wisconsin 73
One of the other shockers for the week was Timbuktu's surprising victory over rushing powerhouse Wisconsin. Timbuktu took it to the air early and often as their two star WR's combined for 52 of their 104 points. Wisconsin took a huge blow early in the season as their stud WR, Javon Walker was lost for the season with a torn ACL injury. The injury happened while Walker went out of bounds, tripping Timbuktu Owner Jock, who then landed on the all-pro's ankle. Wisconsin's already thin receiving core is going to really need to find a diamond now if they plan on getting back to the playoffs. If Timbuktu can continue to get outstanding play from their receivers, they might have a chance to outscore Cranville in Week 2
Seattle 97, Hellespont 69
The most herald rookie owner probably ever in PWFFL didn't get the start that he envisioned as Hellespont took the week 1 loss to Seattle. The coach almost got canned after he was too worried about the injury of Fitzgerald's that he left his 26 points on the bench. Clearly, Hellespont is stronger than the final score indicates and will only get stronger as the season continues when their rookie backs start getting adjusted to the PWFFL. Seattle welcomed back receiver Steve Smith back from last year's season ending injury in a big way by tossing it up to him for a very nice 20 points. Harrison and a great Steelers-inspired defense masked the mediocre numbers from the Slugs' running game. While Seattle gets the defending Puck Bowl Champions, the Trojans will take on the amazing Rocko Bengals.
Helena 98, Green Bay 29
This was a disappointing way to start the season for Green Bay whose fans are all hoping this isn't the return to normal in the capital of football in cheese land. Helena became the first expansion team since the 2000 Byron Center Bears to win their franchise's first game. Surprisingly enough, it was against this same Green Bay franchise that the Bears won against. Helena did set the expansion team record for most points scored in a franchise's first game. Anderson's injury shouldn't hurt Helena's chances of pushing out wins as they are very deep at the position for an expansion team. On the other hand, Green Bay is in need of a lot of help as there isn't a single position that showed much promise in week 1.
Rocko 97, Cranville 60
Angela finally takes over the helm of her own franchise this year after holding the fort for Benton Harbor last year. The Puck University Fantasy Football League (PUFFL) champion is still finding it tough to find victories in PWFFL. The Bengals found a way to win while starting a rookie quarterback in place of longtime starter Donovan McNabb who got punched in the chest before the game by Cranville bad boy M. Pittman who also sat the game after being ejected. This is Rocko's ninth win in a row and only needs 3 more to tie the record for most consecutive victories in the regular season. They won't have it easy either, as the Bengals next 3 opponents are Hellespont, Kalamazoo, and Rhode Island. To make it even harder, the Bengals will have to ride their rookie as it looks like McNabb will be hurting for a while as he was still feeling discomfort in his chest from the altercation.
Coach of the Week: Rocko Bengals
Player of the Week: Keenan McCardell (WR-Tim)
