[02.11.04]
Written by: Bob Pinter

Slugs Owner Gets Drunk, Screams, Embarrasses Self

[02.12.04] (Seattle, WA) -- Media outlets in Seattle and around the country are reacting today to an impromptu meeting that Slimy Slugs owner Jabin Quick held with season ticket holders shortly after the PWFFL's annual awards ceremony.

After losing the Puck Bowl, the ceremony may have had an effect on Quick, whose team garnered just one award over the course of the night. Shortly afterward, the Slugs' owner retreated to a private party where he proceeded to take center stage and give what started out to be a rally speech for 2004 but quickly got out of hand.

"We may not have won it all this year," Quick began, "but we're gonna take the Puck Bowl next year." He then proceeded to outline his plan, much to the surprise of most of the crowd.

"We're gonna go out and sign Terrell Owens," he added. "Then we're gonna get Peyton Manning, and Ricky Williams, and Ahman Green."

"Then we're gonna go to every city and beat down their team. We're gonna go to Rhode Island, and England, and Northern Michigan! Then we're gonna go to Timbuktu! And Wisconsin! And West Palm Beach! And then we're gonna go to Kalamazoo and take back the Bribin Cup! YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

A camera crew from a Seattle TV station happened to catch the speech, then proceeded to send it to nearly every media outlet in the country.

"I don't know how many times we've aired that scream," an ESPN spokesman said. "I mean, it just gets funnier every time I see it."

Slugs officials are dismissing the act as simply a drunken episode, something that isn't likely to happen again.

"Jabin carries himself well wherever he goes," a P.R. spokeswoman said. "Anyone who was at the awards show could have seen that. Jabin kept his composure even after Puck kept going up to the podium all those times. I call that a class act."