The First Year

 

 

 

 

 

 

What was the biggest surprise in the first year?

 

How much poop a baby can produce. Nicole Schwartz

 

How fast it went by both times; it seemed that the more I tried to cherish each moment, the faster it went. Marcy Vogler

 

How the little pills for birth control they give you when you are breastfeeding do not work.  In short, Elly was our biggest surprise the first year.  Sally Hull

 

That babies make so much noise. Marcia Ross

 

How little sleep we got.  After all the guests/help leaves, there’s a feeling of “Oh my God, we are in charge of this being!” Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

How incredible it was to be a parent. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Every minute that child will change and learn something.  Some things like rolling over are really big and easy to catch.  Just wait…when that little baby looks at you when you say something, and you know they are really seeing you for that first time as Dad, not just a shade of light and dark or a movement… Jim Russell

 

Take cover when changing a baby boy.  The air hits them and they pee everywhere (including in my mouth and Jim’s ear).  I was surprised to learn that baby girls can sometimes have their first period shortly after birth.  I called Madison’s doctor in a panic the day we brought her home because there was a little blood in her diaper.  Its also very surprising how much puke and poop a baby can create and expel. Deb Russell

 

How intelligent infants are.  They are so aware of their surroundings and learn to manipulate quickly. Marilyn Nicacio

 

How fast this first year goes.  Be sure to enjoy every minute of it, even though you think you will never be caught up with things again or ever feel rested again.  The sad thing is you will never be able to relive this year again with your brand new baby, so live it to the fullest.  Those other things can wait --- nothing lasts forever. Gloria Van Inwegenn

 

The biggest surprise was definitely just how FAST the little one develops ~ physically, emotionally, and mentally ~ it's a definite metamorphous and a true miracle.  No two days are the same and each day just gets sweeter. Devin Burns

 

They grow so fast! Natalie Manning

 

What do you do when they won’t stop crying?

 

Don’t panic.  Rock the baby back and forth and try to hold on to your sanity. Nicole Schwartz

 

We didn’t have this problem with ours unless they were over-tired or needed alone time.  In either case, lay the baby down.  If baby needs alone time, this in itself will make him happy.  If baby’s over-tired, he may cry for a minute before dozing off.  Our upstairs neighbor had a baby in December, however, who is very colicky.  She cries all the time.  In this situation, I would recommend finding a neighbor like me and a living arrangement like ours:  we have a stairway into there house which is mostly blocked off, save for a hole with a vent-cover that is about 2’ x 1-1/2’.  When my neighbor can’t take anymore, she passes the baby to me for a half-hour or so (which is about all I can take).  Most importantly, if you get a baby like this, don’t blame yourself.  Just take it a day at a time. Marcy Vogler

 

Sing and rock them.  Take a drive.  A soothing bath (Natalie’s idea)  Play soft music, dance with them.  Take them to the babysitter’s. Marilyn Nicacio

 

Play loud rap music. Marcia Ross

 

Respond to all of baby's cries in the first few months - it is impossible to spoil them at this young an age and they need to establish trust in you.  Swaddle baby, lay them in a side stomach position, sway them back and forth, shushing softly. Carolee Harris

 

Nurse, go outside, look in the mirror, play music, bounce, pat on the back. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

As hard as it may be, don’t run and pick them up every time they cry. Let them “sweat it out” a bit so that you can train them to sleep longer hours. Kelly Hyde

 

Sometimes goofy faces work and peek-a-boo too. Otherwise comfort them or let them cry depending on the situation.  Sometimes it’s best for you to go away for a few minutes and take a breather. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Have patience. Andy Van Inwegen

 

When you are about to pull your hair out because your child is whining, crying, or irritable, be creative.  Draw a bath and let them play, paint with water, make playdough, put in a Wiggles video (you must get a Wiggles video!!), or go to the park and swing. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Hold them.  Leave them alone for a few minutes and collect your wits.  Hold them some more.  Dancing/swaying always helped with Aaron and Madison.  Mainly, hold them. Jim Russell

 

A glider/rocker is a must have!  Rocking, binky, music.  Now’s the time to brush up on your nursery rhymes.  A car ride is a good solution too.  And sometimes nothing will work – we’ve pulled some all-nighters before when the kids have been sick. Deb Russell

 

Grin and bear it and keep reminding yourself that “this too will pass.” Devin Burns

 

Of course, you check all of those things first, but sometimes babies get lonely.  They just want to make sure you are still there and will take care of them if they need something.  And then, babies do cry sometimes for no reason at all.  A little crying won’t hurt them.  But soon you’ll know your baby's different cries, and you’ll know if it’s hunger, a dirty diaper, loneliness, or just fussiness.  If nothing seems to help and you have tried everything, then it’s time to call the doctor for some help. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Take them back for a refund. Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

It is normal to feel frustrated and sometimes helpless. Count to 10.  It is okay to let your child cry, especially if you are feeling frustrated.  Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Buy earplugs, rock the baby, pat his back, talk to him. Natalie Manning

 

Advice about Discipline

 

Do it. Marcy Vogler

 

The first year is more child proofing than true discipline, avoiding difficulties, i.e. cabinet invasions, electric light sockets Sally Hull

 

1st year discipline is mostly re-directing and distracting, being positive and getting them interested in mind-flexing activities. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Go with spanking on the hand or diaper because baby is too young to reason with. Nicole Schwartz

 

Each child is different and responds better to some types of discipline better than others.  Victoria responded to firm talking-tos or going to the room.  Sending Richard to his room required you to stand outside the door holding the door closed.  Natalie was beyond disciplining.  We gave up on her. (She is reading this and reacting violently to the suggestions.  She blames me for her low self esteem). Marilyn Nicacio

 

Beat ‘em! Richard Nicacio

 

Say “yes” as much as possible, but remember it is okay to say “no”.  Kids need boundaries and structure.  They will test their limits to the max.  I know this not just because of our two-year-old, but also because I work with some though kids.  Be strong and don’t give in, even when it would be easier to do so.  Hold your ground. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Fairness, consistency, and love. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Be hard on them while they’re young.  When they can talk…you’ll loose. Jim Russell

 

We didn’t discipline much in the first year, other than the occasional “no no.”  Face it, they’re perfect and wrapped around your finger.  Madison was, is, and always will be a princess. Deb Russell

 

“Time Outs” work great for Connor. He is a red head and a little time away helps calm his temper. It also allows mom and dad the ability to “control” the situation without having to do to much voice raising. Devin Burns

 

Stick to your guns with discipline.  Don’t vary. Natalie Manning

 

Advice about feeding

 

As when they are older, they eat when hungry, if too hungry for just milk, start them on cereal, despite different opinions if they are hungry and you’re sleep deprived, there’s nothing wrong with keeping them satisfied with cereal, a little fruit mixed in isn't bad either, of course...everyone differs on when to start food, decide for yourselves. Sally Hull

 

Doctor’s recommend 3 square, but I prefer about 30.  Before noon that is. Andy Van Inwegen

 

Nursing is convenient and promotes bonding. Nicole Schwartz

 

The baby should be fed constantly.  But don’t make the child eat peas. Marcia Ross

 

FJ and SR were nursed most of their first years.  Then we started FJ with veggies.  Supposedly if you start with fruit, they won't want to eat anything else. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

That’s a tough one.  I was never picky, my kids are.  With luck your kids won’t be too picky, like you were.  Mr. No Ketchup! Jim Russell

 

Aaron was a pretty good eater.  Madison has barely let a vegetable touch her lips, let alone swallow them.  Not sure how many calories are in air, but she’s surviving. Deb Russell

 

Every few years the experts change their minds about when to start your baby on solid foods.  Try to nurse as long as possible and I think you will know when to start on solid foods.  Rice cereal and applesauce are good starter foods. Marilyn Nicacio

 

If it works go with it. As long as it is one of the four major food groups don’t let it bother you if it’s the same food group for 6 meals straight ~ as long as they are getting fuel and keeping their weight...Over time, Connor seems to balance his diet, just not in one meal... Devin Burns

 

Listen to your doctor.  He/she will give you lots of help here.  I am a big proponent of breastfeeding.  Adding a little solid food (I started it at the 5th month for you but your doctor may have you do it sooner) helps babies sleep longer, especially through the night.  Even though you were the pickiest eater on earth, I really did try to expose you to lots of foods (if you weren't allergic to them).  But I have always felt that if a child really doesn’t like a food, I am not going to force them to eat it.  Dinner time should be a pleasant time in a family, not a war zone. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Advice about diapers

 

Buy a Diaper Genie. Nicole Schwartz

 

The first few days of your baby’s life it will be pooping the muconium (the black, tar poop), and you'll be changing diapers every 20 min. or so.  To prevent giving the baby a horrible diaper rash its best to use wash cloths or paper towels and warm water rather than baby wipes, which can be very irritating to a newborn's skin. Deb Russell

 

Change them, and have lots on hand . . . Sam’s Club! Marcy Vogler

 

Get good cloth diapers that you like and have asked people about.  The ones that aren’t absorbent are a pain. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

After the first year, diapers really get wet at night, so if you are using cloth, you may consider changing to the more absorbent paper ones. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Stop when the child goes to college. Marcia Ross

 

You’ll go through a lot of them.  Buy the ones that are on sale and don’t leak too bad.  All diapers leak…the advertisements lie. Jim Russell

 

Grin and bear it ~ I gained an appreciation of breathing through my mouth ~ actually because of the quality time we spend with Connor’s poops and peeps, we find them less offensive than our own..Devin Burns

 

No name diapers work just as well as name brands, but can save up to $10 on a jumbo pack.  Most diapers will be covered with your child’s favorite character that will put a lovely little song in your head for the rest of the day.  Just think to yourself, “Barney, Elmo, you’re about to be shit on.” Deb Russell

 

I’m hoping they go in style for men in their 20s, I’m still wearing mine. Andy Van Inwegen

 

Buy in bulk!  Keep the lanolin cream handy. Natalie Manning

 

The Great Diaper Debate: Paper or Cloth?

 

Why Paper?

Go with the disposable diapers.  POOP! Nicole Schwartz

 

We used disposable, but had I been able to find a diaper service, I might have chosen cloth. Marcy Vogler

 

Are you crazy? Disposable...you will be crazy after rinsing cloth out and smelling them until the pick up guy comes. And have done both...Job in college used cloth and I use disposable. One word- Sam's (buy 'em by the case) Sally Hull

 

Hanna started sleeping through the night after we changed to paper at about 10 weeks.  Great for travel. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Disposable diapers all the way baby – self explanatory. Kelly Hyde

 

While cloth are generally advertised to be better for the environment and all the disposable ones are a lot more convenient.  Give both a try.  But I’m betting that after your 57, 000th diaper, you pick disposable. Jim Russell

 

I’ve never even considered cloth.  If you use a diaper service for cloth diapers, I think the expense is the same, if not more for cloth.  And like I said before, Barney and Elmo are so darn cute to look at every hour. Deb Russell

 

I used cloth with two.  With paper you don't have near as much diaper rash. Marilyn Nicacio

 

I used cloth diapers with Pat and paper diapers with Andy.  The paper diapers really were nice.  Cloth diapers take a lot of care:  rinsing, soaking, washing, folding, and they aren’t as absorbent as paper ones.  Plus, you need to use plastic pants with them.  So you are also washing bedding, etc., more because it gets wet so often.  You got a really bad diaper rash once and it got better when I used paper diapers for a few days.  I know the paper ones are more expensive and not really great for the environment, but they are nice to have especially when time and convenience become a real key element in child care. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

They are so sophisticated nowadays and I’m sure a lot of research has gone into them, too. Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

Ease of use ~ any convenience during the first years is a blessing. Devin Burns

 

I don't want to even think about cleaning that stuff off of a cloth diaper. Natalie Manning

 

Why Cloth?

Because they are so much fun cleaning. Marcia Ross

 

Health of baby, environment, cost, and they’ll make great rags when you’re done with kids. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Advice about sleeping

 

Nap while you can. Nicole Schwartz

 

Just be sure that you keep baby on some sort of schedule for a happy baby. Marcy Vogler

 

Sleeping Patterns- these will reflect eating...each child is different, some sleep more and others less. Sally Hull

 

You should let the baby sleep through the night. Marcia Ross

 

For people who don't sleep with their children, we like the idea of getting your child drowsy and then putting him/her down and letting him/her to fuss a little bit, maybe patting to sleep but not letting them “cry it out” or “rock/hold them to sleep.”

            – Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Don’t make it a habit with sleeping with the baby, he’ll expect it all the time and not sleep without you.

            – Natalie Manning

 

Pray. Every child is different. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

If you would like your child to sleep with you until they are teenagers, start early.  Once started, never parted.  However, we liked having our children sleep with us.  It gave them a sense of security, of warmth, and a good early sex education. (Just kidding on the last one).

            – Marilyn Nicacio

 

Some say to get them in the crib ASAP and make them sleep there.  I say BS.  They are only small for a short time in the grand scheme of things.  If they want let them sleep in your bed, right between you and Victoria.  You might have a few bruises in the morning from the kicking and thrashing…but it’s fun waking up with your kids and playing.  Great way to start the day.

            – Jim Russell

 

I agree with Jim.  I love(d) letting the kids sleep with us, especially when I was working full-time.  It was that quiet time where we could just snuggle.  And its most fun to hear, “Daddy, its morning, wake up and make me breakfast” at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday.

            – Deb Russell

 

Your baby will pretty much set these on his/her own, but it's nice if you can keep a fairly consistent schedule so they fall into a good sleep pattern that works well with your lifestyle.

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

I tend to lay down unless I'm driving.  Then I prefer the bob-and-nod  routine. Andy Van Inwegen

 

We allow Connor to sleep with us on occasion. HOWEVER, the time mom and dad (a.k.a. husband and wife) have together in the bed alone should be cherished because it is far too seldom!!!

            – Devin Burns

 

What is your foolproof trick for getting a crying baby to sleep?

 

 

Get to know your baby - I think this will depend on his/her own quirkiness. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

HMMM, not foolproof but good, standing holding baby and rocking back and forth.  Beware, this has worked mostly for both girls but, don’t try to put your baby down.

            – Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Depends on the model...usually they finally wear themselves out. Devin Burns

 

Give up on the sleep kick, cousin.  They cry and keep weird hours when they’re little and keep you awake.  Then as they get older, they keep you up worrying.  Either way, get used to being sleep deprived.

            – Jim Russell

 

Food, singing and rocking. Marilyn Nicacio

 

Motion always worked with Pat.  As long as I kept moving with you, I could get you to go to sleep.  Many times we put you in the car and went for a drive - that one worked every time.  Also, having a pacifier handy always helped.

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Richard says: Beat ‘em Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

Cuddle the baby close, give them a warm milk bottle, gently stroke the baby's nose from eyebrow to tip (this forces the baby to close the eyes w/each pass).

            – Nicole Schwartz

 

Sing a song.  I think about dinosaurs. Kilor Vogler, age 4

 

If rocking, singing, binky, car ride, or giving the baby to the other parent, then cough medicine with Codeine seems to work pretty well.

            – Deb Russell

 

Pop a boobie in his mouth. Natalie Manning

 

Take the baby for a car ride. Marcia Ross

 

Ear plugs. Andy Van Inwegen

 

What is the best way to clean up messes from upholstery & carpet?

 

Ammonia and warm water, follow up with a little Lysol.

            – Sally Hull

 

The dirt devil you gave us! I’ve also heard vinegar and oxy clean (not together).

            – Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Pick-up what you can.  Pre-treat the stain with carpet cleaner.  Dampen a cloth diaper and put on stain.  Iron over the diaper until the stain is gone.  Neutralize the ammonia in urine with a water/vinegar mixture.

            – Nicole Schwartz

 

Vinegar takes out the smell, it’s cheap, and nontoxic.

            – Marcy Vogler

 

Buy new carpet/upholstery.

            – Marcia Ross

 

Have brown carpets and furniture and lots of airspray.  Get a dog or cat, the smells and stains will go unnoticed.

            – Marilyn Nicacio

 

Have old carpet and upholstery. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

When your house looks like a tornado has hit, but your child wants you to pay attention to him/her, evaluate your priorities.  Is a clean house as important as a short story read aloud or a few silly dances among the mess?

            – Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Soap and water + WINDEX works great to kill odors.

            – Devin Burns

 

Oxyclean is a great new breakthrough in cleaning solvents.  Supposedly will take out the toughest stains.  I used it just recently to remove red hair dye out of my brand new bathroom carpets when my sister decided to dye her hair while I was out of town.

            – Kelly Hyde

 

Buy cheap carpet.  If you can lay down a cement floor with a drain in the middle and a fire hose on the wall.  Easy to clean up after parties too.  But you won’t be having too many parties now will you.  We did buy a “Big Green Clean Machine” by Bissell. They work great!

            – Jim Russell

 

I didn’t have one of those neat little carpet scrubbers you can get now that has water and soap in it and really cleans up messes nicely.  I just used Mr. Clean and water and a rag.  Try to clean it up right away, though, if you can.  These kinds of messes tend to leave lots of odors --- no wonder the friends never come around anymore!!

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Beat ‘em! Whilst mum uses all the detergents she can find to clean up the mess.

            – Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

Buy wooden floors.

            – Andy Van Inwegen

 

Oxy-Clean works wonders.  We have the big Bissell shampooer, and also the hand-held Spot Lifter (I think it’s a Bissell too). 

            – Deb Russell

 

What tips would you suggest for post-birth sex?

 

Have it as often as possible and keep the door locked…at least once the kid can get out of bed and walk around.  Nothing worse then hearing “Daddy, you’re hurting Mommy!  Get off of her!” right in the middle of a passionate moment. Jim Russell

 

Wait at least 6 - 8 weeks and use birth control unless you want another baby right away. Natalie Manning

 

Too busy throwing up right now to respond. Andy Van Inwegen

 

You think your going to have sex? OK yeah after one but rarely after two...I forget. Wait at least the full six weeks after delivery. NO MATTER what they tell you, use extra protection unless you want another FAST. Sally Hull

 

Be quick about it. Marcia Ross

 

Lots of foreplay and short, quick bopping.  In and out makes them shout, yes.  Get the woman good and turned on and then hurry. Marilyn Nicacio

 

Don’t press the issue, either of you. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Be very careful your first time after having the baby.  Go very slowly, this will probably not be all that Victoria is hoping for.  The first time is slightly painful. Deb Russell

 

Don’t push it.  Romance will come later, right now you have to think about baby and sleep. Nicole Schwartz

 

Well, if you want to have a second child, I guess you better…..well, I think you'll know what to do.  Tee!  Hee!  Just kidding.  When Victoria is feeling better, and it takes a little healing time (remember something very big just came out of a very small portal) every part of married life will return.  When little eyes are watching, it may be time to close and even put a lock on the door if you don’t want to be interrupted at inopportune moments. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Keep Vaseline (or another lubricant) on the night-stand.  Getting turned on sometimes triggers your milk to come in.  When your milk comes in, you sometimes get dry “down there.”  Just be prepared for it. Marcy Vogler

 

Just do it!!! Devin Burns

 

What questions relating to the first year have I not asked that I should have – and what is the answer?

 

Q: What do you do with a drunken sailor? 

A: People have been asking that for years. Andy Van Inwegen

 

Q: When does life return to normal?

A: It doesn't and you will be glad. Devin Burns

 

Other Tidbits of Advice for the first year.

 

Every child develops skills at different rates so don’t do too much comparing. Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

No more free-bees here dude.  You’re on your own.  I didn’t have all this wonderful advice when I became a father.  No sir.  It was do or die.  Live it day by day.  Nose to the grindstone.  Raise them kids to be taxpayers! Jim Russell

 

Take advise with a grain of salt.  Some people give advise as a way of reminiscing.  Some people give advise hoping to ease your situation.  And finally, some people give advice because you just suck at parenting. Nicole Schwartz

 

Child-proofing:  Make sure to leave one or two cupboards that baby can get into.  They love it, especially if they discover it on their own.  We keep our Tupperware, etc. accessible. Marcy Vogler

 

Advice is what your Moms and friends are for...invest in some phone companies or calling plan. Sally Hull

 

Like all new parents you will grow with your child and work things out along the way. Gloria Van Inwegen