A Growing Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How long should you breastfeed?

The American Academy of Pediatrics is now saying that it is best to breastfeed for at least a year.  Just don't go on for too long, I think breastfeeding a five year old is pretty freaky! 

            – Carolee Harris

 

There’s lots of research that suggest that children really benefit from long-term breastfeeding (like 3+ years) - for immunological and allergy reasons mostly.  Up to 6-9 months I think makes sense to nurse exclusively.

            – Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

As long as you can. Until about 1yrs old I guess.  Not more then 3 years old. Natalie Manning

 

Mandy breastfed past 1 year...Connor thrived on the sweet stuff ~ that's my boy! Devin Burns

 

Depends on the baby...My first would drink and drain. My second was a snacker and made us both miserable. When it is no longer sustaining the baby or ok to the mother (mentally or physically) make the change. This is also hard to do, as some babies drink different formulas. WHATEVER you decide, STOP before the kid starts talking and getting teeth...otherwise to me it is just gross and people will find you odd.

            – Sally Hull

 

Till mother and baby agree or until Mom is tired of it.  I think mom’s comfort, both physical and emotional is the most important thing.

            – Kiel Van Inwegen (cousin)

 

Stop when the child gets ready for college. Marcia Ross

 

I think the person with the sore nipples gets to decide. Jim Russell

 

I would say at least a year, but I breast-fed Kilor for two years and two months.  I think that is probably “two” long.

            – Marcy Vogler

 

I was fortunate with both Pat and Andy that they rarely drank from a bottle.  I breastfed Pat until he was old enough to drink from a cup.  In his baby book I wrote that he was completely weaned at 11 months. It depends on your situation (I mean Victoria's) and on your baby.  If Victoria is working and isn't physically able to breastfeed, then she and the baby will work that out.  Even a little time breastfeeding will benefit the baby as far as passing on healthy things.  Also, it is so convenient and less expensive.  I always felt sorry for those mothers and fathers who had to stumble to the kitchen, get a bottle, warm it to just the right temperature, (all the time a screaming, hungry baby is impatiently waiting) and then feed the baby.  During breastfeeding, you just pick up the baby and go for it - couldn't be easier!!

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Kayla stopped around 8 weeks  She showed a strong preference for the bottle around that time. Stop when they get teased by classmates.

            – Nicole Schwartz

 

Probably longer than I should. Andy Van Inwegen

 

With Aaron I only nursed for a few weeks since I had to return to work and didn’t want the hassle of pumping.  With Madison I only lasted for four months.  It is definitely hard work.  I admit I was a bit selfish and a lot of my decision to stop was based on my comfort like being able to go to bed or get intimate without a bra on, being able to go out for a while without leaking all over the place (when its feeding time, its feeding time, whether the baby is with you or not).

            – Deb Russell

 

As long as possible.  Or until you feel the time is ripe for weaning.  I would recommend weaning before kindergarten.

            – Marilyn Nicacio

 

If my baby takes after its dad, then it’ll be 5 years of breastfeeding. Richard Nicacio

 

Not 5 years!  I can’t get over that. Jas Nicacio

 

 

Advice about Discipline

 

Be consistent.  Once baby becomes mobile, pick one thing at a time to discipline over; don’t add to your list of things to discipline for until that issue is conquered.  For example:  right now, we’re working on keeping Korbin off the table, previously, it was not touching the VCR. Marcy Vogler

 

Pick your battles.  If your child could be seriously harmed or maimed or could seriously harm or maim another, then be restrictive.  If not, don’t worry.  Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Don’t let the child know he runs the household. Marcia Ross

 

Hopefully by now, they have some that you’ve created.  Although, I think at age 2 things start to change.  Now they understand more and “discipline” becomes more real.  And at 3 even more so.  I really like the positive discipline books for these topics. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

This is where discipline gets tricky.  This is when you can switch to “time out.” Nicole Schwartz

 

Don’t rule out corporal punishment.  Swift justice is sometimes the best.  When they are old enough you can explain how disappointed you are in their actions. Marilyn Nicacio

 

Be consistent.  If you say no to something, always say no to it.  If you let your child get into your make-up one day and not the next, you send him/her a mixed message. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Start using “time-outs” now.  Just a couple of minutes does the trick.  Don’t try and reason.  They can’t reason to well.  Heck they still poop their pants and are klutzy.  You can’t expect them to follow a thought process involving a concept like “If you do your work then you’ll be happy and can play.”  And a good, solid “attention getter” always works.  You don’t have to hurt them…just remind them you’re in charge and bigger than they are.  You can ask Aaron what an attention getter is.  The older they get, the more attention getters they get. Jim Russell

 

Richard says: Beat ‘em! I am now getting tired of Richard’s comments so I will not be including him from here-on. Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

To Spank or Not to Spank
Yes – When & How

When you have told him ten times not to do something or when you tell him to do something ten times.  Give them a little more then just a pat on the butt. Except when you are out, then someone will think you are a child beater. Natalie Manning

 

Go with spanking on the hand or diaper because baby is too young to reason with. Spankings are still needed. When the child does something dangerous (fork in socket) a swift spanking on the bottom or hand can be effective.  If the "naughty" is not doing what is told, time-out is recommended.  What ever punishment you chose, keep it short and simple, children have short attention spans and will tune out long lectures. Nicole Schwartz

 

I change my mind often.  I think it depends on the child and the situation.  I think isolation:  sitting Kilor in a corner, or closing Korbin in our room is often more effective.  When we spank, we only spank with our hand, but hard enough that they know they’ve been spanked. Marcy Vogler

 

A pat on the butt with your hand only.  Use when you want swift justice or to punctuate Marilyn Nicacio

 

Depends on the kid, some it works with and others it does not. Most need a smack on the butt.  Parents need to become a team and consistent that’s what is important.  Smacking hand was only thing to stop Elly from prying the safety plugs out of electrical socket.  With Keadin we take toys away. Sally Hull

 

Good luck if you decide no. When the child runs into the street, when the child talks back to you, when the child injures another child or, in other words, all the time.  Tell the child to cut the switch and then give a soft pat on the butt. Marcia Ross

 

I know we both got spankings.  And I think we turned out just fine.  Those attention getters I was mentioned earlier …they work. My Dad used a wooden stake on my butt once.  While I deserved it…. It wasn’t good.  He felt bad, my butt hurt…. Lesson learned.  Just use your hand.  Never bare bottomed…no need to humiliate too.  And do it when you feel the need.  I guess one thing I’ve learned is not to do it when I’m really mad.  They’re small and a big guy or gal can really hurt the kid. Use your common sense.  (However it is fun to give the wife a good smack on the cheeks when she’s getting out of the shower and has the towel over her head drying her hair.  And run!) Jim Russell

 

Rarely have I given a spank, but sometimes it’s the only thing that will work when they are throwing an uncontrollable tantrum. Hand, and usually only at home.  Nowadays if you spank in public you could be turned into Child Protective Services. Deb Russell

 

Everyone makes mistakes.  It is a part of the learning process.  Don’t be too hard on you children.  Keep in mind that it has taken you a long time to learn what you know, and most likely a lot of dumb mistakes. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Please understand that in my generation we did spank our children.  I was spanked as a child and that was something that was included in disciplining and correcting children.  I have always felt that there is a big difference between spanking and beating, even though lots of experts say there really isn’t.  I know we kid around about the “wooden spoon,” but I rarely used it, nor did I need to use it - it was a threat more than anything.  Kind of like the wooden paddle that teachers used to hang in their classrooms - a visual reminder that when needed it was there to do the job.      I feel that young children do need to be corrected when they are disrespectful to their parents and others, when they do something that hampers their safety, and when they are misbehaving to get their own way.  Firm, fair discipline should start early on with children.  If you do this, you will have fewer problems as they grow older and become more assertive.  Lectures, time out, taking away privileges, etc., are the best discipline methods.  I know I come from the “spanking” era, but now I really favor these more calm, loving techniques.  Besides, as a grandmother, I couldn’t bring myself to spank my precious grandchild. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

A firm smack on the bottom, though I’m quite interested to know what it means to “tell them to go cut a switch from the hickory tree” ?? Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

No Spanking – And why not?

I think spanking is so humiliating to a child and other forms of discipline should be attempted before resorting to spanking. Carolee Harris

 

In general, I don’t think so.  I think that it doesn’t teach them anything except to be violent when they are frustrated or when things don't go their way.  I think it is better to teach them through words and action.  I find myself "spanking" when I’m too lazy or uncreative to do anything else. Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Don’t try reasoning with small children, they don’t have the intellectual ability.  Be clear and concise with your requests and statements.  Also, don’t ask them if they want to do something they have to do (i.e. change their diaper, put on their coat or shoes), they are bound to say no. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Monkeys are naughty.  Handshakes are for strangers, hugs are for friends, so treat your kids with respect and don’t go the hickory route. Andy Van Inwegen

 

Advice about Sleeping

 

Try to emphasize to child that night time is sleep time.  Put child to bed at same time every night. Nicole Schwartz

 

Put the child to bed with handcuffs. Marcia Ross

 

I'm not a fan of imposing baby to a schedule.  Let them come up with their own schedule. Carolee Harris

 

They usually go to sleep when they are tired or you threaten them. Jim Russell

 

Try to read to them every night, buy anti-monster powder, and plastic sheets. Natalie Manning

 

Eyes closed. Andy Van Inwegen

 

Children really do need a good night’s sleep and naps during the day.  Setting a certain time for these to occur and sticking to those times really do establish good habits.  Rested children are pleasant children.  Tired ones are cranky and not really fun to be around.  I used to always cringe when people bragged that their children went to bed at 10:00 at night.  These little guys aren’t getting enough rest and it’s important that times are established early on. Then there are no arguments or problems when it's time to enforce them. Gloria Van Inwegen

 

If they wake up before you ready for them to awake, tell them they have to stay in bed but can do a quiet activity like color or read.  Have plastic sheets and insist they use the restroom before bedtime.  Have bedtime prayers that make the child feel secure with God and Jesus.  An angel picture to protect them from night frights. Marilyn Nicacio

 

When should we potty-train?

 

We started talking to FJ about it and she got a new potty at 18 months.  I’d say if they show any interest to go for it but not to force it.  I’ve heard that girls are quicker than boys but my mom says that all my brothers were potty trained between 18 and 24 months.

            – Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Get them out of diapers ASAP.  It’s a lot easier.  I had it pretty easy when it came to this.  Deb did most of the work, along with the ladies at Day care when it came to Aaron potty training.  Teaching him to wipe good is an ongoing struggle though.  As for Madison…. let us in on some of the info you get…. she just doesn’t want to I guess.

            – Jim Russell

 

As early as possible.  Reality, around a year, year and a half. Kayla was eating foods earlier them most kids (thanks to our landlords).

            – Nicole Schwartz

 

Whenever your child shows an interest in the potty.  Don’t force it.  Do encourage them by giving a reward for each successful attempt.

            – Carolee Harris

 

When the child is able to know for themselves the feeling of having to void or poop.

            – Marilyn Nicacio

 

We potty-trained Kilor a few months after he turned two.  We devoted a week to it, but it really only took a day.  I don’t believe in those yucky little potties for kids.  We bought a seat that goes right on the toilet.  We put him in underwear and took him to the bathroom every 20 minutes (we set the timer).  We really cheered and made a big deal of it when he finally went in the toilet.  It took all day, and several changes of clothing, but by the next day, we were able to take him to the bathroom every 40 minutes.  The following day, we were home-free.  We only took him out of pull-ups at night about 3 months ago, but I understand that the night-wetting isn’t so much an issue for girls.

            – Marcy Vogler

 

I have to credit daycare for training Aaron.  He was just about 3.  I hear girls do it sooner, like around 2, but we’ve passed that age with Madison. 

            – Deb Russell

 

Pat was 2 years old when we potty trained him.  This one really is something that each child does differently.  Please don’t worry when all the other babies you know are potty-trained, walking, talking, and almost ready to enter the job-market.  Each of these little guys chooses their own way and their own time to do these things and trying to force them into a mold of some kind that all of them will fit into just won’t work.  You’ll be frustrated and you will pass that feeling on to them.  Mother Nature has a way of doing all things in her own time - you just have to have faith that they really will happen.

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Only when he or she is ready.  About 2-3 years old. Natalie Manning

 

When the child gets ready for college. Marcia Ross

 

When the baby’s bottom is big enough to fit on the potty. Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

Potty training is over rated.  In fact, I just shat myself.  And it’s great! Andy Van Inwegen

 

How do you best prepare your child for school?

 

Talk lots about school:  what it is, what people do in schools, how important it is (remember you are laying the groundwork for the appreciation of an education from grammar school right through to college), show schools to your children.  When the time comes for them to start Kindergarten, take them to that school ahead of time when school isn’t in session.  Walk them around the playground and show them the outside (take away the mystery of school).  Then show them the inside.  All schools will have orientations, I’m sure quite similar to the ones when Devin and Pat used to help Mrs. Burns.  But the main idea is to leave the idea with your child that school is a great place to be - a place where you can learn many things.

            – Gloria Van Inwegen

 

Get them interested beforehand, start talking about numbers, letters, colors and shapes as soon as they show interest.

            – Andrea & Patrick Bertotti-Mettoyer

 

Daycare helped with Aaron, and Madison will start preschool this fall.  Deb Russell

 

Read, read, read and take them to activities with other children.  Also make sure they are around people of all ages.  Let them go to a Sunday school.

            – Marilyn Nicacio

 

Don’t buy them embarrassing clothes for school.  And make sure they don’t have funny hair cuts (like Natalie had – I saw the pictures of the Nicacio kids…poor Natalie and her afro!).

            – Richard & Jas Nicacio

 

Let the child know what is going to happen and tell them that they are going to meet new friends.  Tell them that they are now considered “big kids.”

            – Nicole Schwartz

 

Give the child a heads up on how teachers “don't make sense.” Marcia Ross

 

Well, I went with Kilor to pre-school, and he cried every day until he saw an episode of Cailloo where Cailloo (the main character) went to school.  After that, he asked to go.

            – Marcy Vogler

 

Read to him/her everyday, try to do flash cards or math with them, teach them to write their name in lower case as well as upper case.

            – Natalie Manning

 

Slap their knuckles with ruler and yell, "IDIOT!!!" whenever they finish coloring something. Andy Van Inwegen

 

More importantly, how do you prepare the parents for the child to go off to school.  Aaron was ready and willing.  He didn’t take any coaxing at all.  However, Mommy and Daddy had tears in their eyes when the little guy got on that bus for the first time.  That’s when you get the first taste of the fact that your kid is growing up and possibly away from you.  The next time you feel that will be when the kid goes out with his buds all painted up in blue and orange for a Bronco football game…and he doesn’t want you along.

            – Jim Russell

 

What questions relating to childhood have I not asked that I should have – and what is the answer?

 

Q: Religion?

A: Children have a sense of God from birth and need to have a nurturing environment to develop Spirituality.  Don’t rely on the Catholic Church to provide early religious education.  Even if the child has to attend other faiths, I think it is important that they hear about God from others besides their parents and family. Marilyn Nicacio

 

Other Tidbits of Advice

Do not give in to tantrums.  Be a parent, not a friend.  It's OK to spoil the child every once in a while. Nicole Schwartz

 

I recommend eating dinner at the table as a family for every meal. Marcy Vogler

 

If your child is in another room and is being mysteriously quiet – RUN!  They are most likely into something they should not be into (i.e. fingernail polish, lipstick, acrylic paint…to name a few). Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Children are sponges…they grow up to be reflections of their parents.  Be the person you want your child to be.  Lead by example, not by word. Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Listen to your children.  You know the saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth.  We should listen twice as much as we speak.” Brian & Melinda Russell

 

Learn to be embarrassed out in public, and watch what you say in front of the little one. Natalie Manning

 

I have found that opinions before experience don’t amount to much.  I hope that some of my advice can come in handy.  Something that has worked well for us is parenting with a timer.  We say, “we’re leaving in 5 minutes” and set the timer.  There’s no argument this way.  Or, “pick up your room in 10 minutes or no movie”.  You get the idea.  Marcy Vogler