Yes, I indeed do have a second page to my site, so now you are going to be forced to read through my fairy tales about fighting giants, as well as my ramblings on jelly beans and potshots on Rush Limbaugh for a second time. I know what you're thinking, "Why am I still on the site of a man who used video game characters to give Political points", and I will address your concerns, I guarentee that I will. Right now actually, right now I will address your concerns, I will sooth your doubts about my legitimacy as Captain of America's Voyage Towards a Fair and Balanced Website That's Fairly Balanced Between Fact and Humorous Except In Cases Where The Facts Aren't True, you're not going to be forced to read about my fairy tales, giants, or Rush Limbaugh (the latter being the worser) but you will have to read about my summer plans, which include fairies named Berri who hang out with Larry. Well, maybe not. Though I did shoot the sheriff, I deny killing the deputy. Also, I lied when I said Limbaugh wouldn't be pot shotted, as I can't resist targeting someone like him and others. It's not my fault. I can't help it.
It's human nature to, when confronted with the unknown, just make things up (just ask our Vice President) and I'm sure there are some of you thinking, "This guy, that dude right there, making this site, that dude, well, that dude, he's helping fuel the rise of a New World Order", and I guess I should've told you this earlier, but you are indeed on my site as part of a conspiracy. You are nothing but a pawn in my war against humanity. Yes, YOU are a pawn in a war, and not just any war, but a war against humanity. How cool is that! Being my pawn means you are a giant piece of plastic, molded to have a round top and a shiney head, and you're going to be the first to be sent off to die when I decide it's time to destroy every Starbucks in the world. Feel honored. Feel proud. Feel SPAMMED. Speaking of Stupid Pointless Annoying Messages, have you ever watched Sean Hannity's show? *Rimshot* Oh and, about why Starbucks is a target of mine....well, let's just say the elf told me to do it.
All rightey then, not that the record of my Conspiracy to Conspire Against Earth is now straight, in the interest of "keeping you amused" and keeping my hits a-comin', I'ma have to innovate a little, as well as change my style a bit, so watch as I do a bit of straight out hip hoppin', DJ tappin' CD's a scratchin' yoyoyo up in this hizzouse! (Straight out hip-hoppin', DJ tappin', CD's a scratchin' and the yoyoyos do not come included with this site, also known as a "hizzouse". Send death threats for my false advertising to "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500", I assure you you'll get met with an....interesting response
There's something I've personally noticed about the world right now, and it's our social status. I don't mean "Rich", "Middle class", and "Poor". We've always know that there are seriously screwed social and economic divides, and I think a lot of people have, unfortunately, come to look down on those less fortunate than that. That's not the purpose of my site, though, so we'll discuss The Poor and The Desperate Need For Better Health Care and a Repeal of the Bush Tax Cuts another time. In this context, what I mean by "social status" is our chain of command. You know, the things that differentiate between the "cool" kids and the "lamers" of the world. It's funny. Most "cool" kids are jerks who need to die, and three fourths of them are bumbling idiots. Face it, the rude and angry are usually ignorant (in my case, my rudeness and Political Anger isn't from ignorance, it's from knowing too much. You know what else I know? You're wearing clothes as you read this. Nostradamus 04, baby!) "Lamers" are usually the smart kids who know that not everything is supposed to be fun. Where am I going with this tangent, you may be asking rudely as a way to get me to speed up to my point? Well, it's a way to set up a Political pot shot.
Here goes my theory on why George W. Bush was at one point universally popular, but is now waning (though he still has his, more or less, nut case supporters, cough the paranoid and oil industry, respectively, cough): The man, as well as most popular adolescents, appeal to people's inner child. Think about it; they bully (look at the treatment we gave nations that refused to abide by our illegal war) and they lie (Pfft, he's Bush. Look his lies up if you don't believe he's lied, you'll find a lot, from his girlfriend's abortion in 1970, to his drunk driving arrests, to things that really matter, like Weapons of Mass Disappearance) and also, they stutter through small, simple words (our President is, apparently, "misunderestimated" and "subliminable". Now, bullying third world nations, lying about his "youthful drinking" (he was thirty, which isn't teenaged) and mangling the language he's grown up with doesn't make him a bad man, but most children (usually in the fourteen year old age range) are on his level, emotionally, and intellectually (he still plays dress up!) and thus, I came up with my witty ad hominem attack. I'm a hoot. Now I'd like to note that all his lies don't make him a bad man, per se, but his hair does. Boo-yah
I'd like to clear something up, though...I admire everyone I've made fun of here. Except for President Bush, who I really don't like. And let's face it, Sean Hannity is a little, err....confused? Wait, no, I retract, he's a paranoid, calculating liar, who distorts, and decries, and believes firmly that Ronald Reagan was good for America. That'll show you that something's wrong with the man. And Rush Limbaugh, well, frankly, he scares me. And let's face it, Dick Cheney's a tad, umm, how do I put it, corrupt? (Note: The DNC can send my royalty checks to Air America Radio, whom you can stream on the web at almost all times. Yes, I'm plugging for my favorite political station, go listen to it. They're entertaining and good. O' Franken Factor is on weekdays from eleven o clock AM till' two in the afternoon). Oh and, buy Hanes, the underwear of Satirists.
Next up are my random thoughts, which means I'm off the topic of Politics. For now.
Doctor Seuss was never a real doctor. Doctor false advertising, anybody?
To produce The Jungle Book many trees in the jungle had to be cut down. Irony is funny when it's of the unintended sort.
Hot Topic is a funny store, because a lot of preppy, angsty rich teens who are angry that they have a roof over their heads go there as a way to show they're "different". Yes, different by going to a place to show that they're "different" to which everyone who wants to be "different" goes. Wear a purple shirt, don't comb your hair, and go around setting things on fire. You'll wind up in jail, but at least then you'll be "different", not just fuel for the fire of a corporation's checkbook, as well as a person who is being "different" by acting like everyone else. Ironic what this generation of mine has to do to be "different", or rather, a blatant moron. (Death threats, once again, must be sent to the address on the home page)
My book, My Pants Are On Fiah' can be found here Buy it now
There are three morals I want to bestow on you, my dear reader, that I hope you will hold in your hearts for the rest of your lives
Never tickle a sleeping dragon. Believe me, I know. They wake up, they're all grouchy, and they breath fire at you. Wait, hold on...that's not a sleeping dragon...it's a life partner. Oh well, same thing. ZING
When you promise to deliver three morals, don't forget one of them halfway through the writing of them. But if you do, preach about not forgetting things. Don't forget.
Lastly, life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, and forgive quickly. Or, you can pull the George W. Bush thing to do, and invade a country for your father. The choice is yours
Peace, love, and go the way of "anyone but Bush again". <3
