As far as I can tell, this all seems to be about jobs. They're stealing our jobs, and we don't like it. Granted, they are coming here to work, and that means a job that a US citzen could do. However, I have yet to meet a red-blooded American who really wants to pick grapes for three bucks a day! Or how about working in a car wash? Oh yeah, good stuff there! And of course, with all the illegal Mexicans in this country, all the positions for short-order cook have been filled. Get real people! The few American-borne cooks I have known do nothing but bitch about their job anyways! It's not like immigrants can steal all the good jobs working for a bank, or processing taxes for an accounting firm? And why is that? Because you need a few things to get those jobs. Not much of course, just minor things like a goddamn social security number! Or how about a diploma? Kind of necessary in today's world just to flip burgers for minimum wage right? And we know that illegal immigrants don't have these things, because if they did, they would't be illegal!
So obviously this isn't about jobs, so what is it really about then? I'll tell you what it's about, it's about ackwardness. Pure and simple. Those people are wierd, and we don't know how to interact with them. I mean, they look different, they don't speak the same language as us, and they have that wierd bread that's flat and round. Truly their ways are alien to us!
But the problem isn't a few cultural quirks that make people different, it's just that when you get a bunch of those quirks appearing in one person, it becomes too much too soon. People can handle a different face or a thick accent, but give it to them at the same time, and panic insues. So, I feel it is my duty, being the leader of the future race of hybrids and all, to kind of help ease you crybabies into this strange and unusual road. Are we ready?
Okay, the first big thing is appearance. Different eyes, different cheeks, and of course a different skin tone. Most people aren't blessed with a degree in Antrhopology like moi, so I'm going to give you the easy explanation on complextion evolution: You know how when you travel someplace and you eat one of their burgers and drink a glass of their water, and it upsets your stomach? It's the same concept, only bigger, older, and it involved monkeys. Our lighter-skinned ancestors couldn't handle roaming the savannah, just like people from Seattle have a hard time living in Utah. Pure and simple. Accept it, and let's move on.
Next, we got the food. People in other countries eat wierd. For those of you who are currently in the process of nodding your head and saying "Yeah, that's true," You better just smack yourself right now. Culinary diversity is one of the staples of American livelihood. What would the food court at the mall be without it? Nothing that's what.
And let me say one more thing for those of you Americans who don't have the pleasure of an ethnic heritage or a genetic structure of "mixed" genes. You people need us! It's true, you people need our unusual cooking methods and exotic spices, because without them you would all die! Face it you Domestic Americans, you would all kill yourselves if left to your own devices. You people ingest more fat, preservatives, and bad chemistry than anyone else in the world. It's a miracle you aren't the size of boats? Think I'm being harsh? Well, let me give you an example! You guys took things like croissants, french toast, and tortillas, all of which were created outside of this country, then stuffed them full of sausage and cheese! No one else would invent that! Only Americans! We ethnic people are the only things keeping you alive. Be grateful and get over it.
Finally, we have language. And boy, that's a big one. It's a hurdle that's huge even for me, so I know how the rest of you must feel. And I'm not talking about the whole Spanish and English thing, because it goes beyond that. We've got people from China, Canada, Japan, Korea, and the Pacific Islands amongst others, all living in the same damn place! That's a lot of different speak man! Hell, we've got a group of people who, in this very country, invented Ebonics. I can't even translate that stuff, so, I sympathize with your fears.
However, I can't agree with this whole "Everyone should speak English" bullshit. It's like saying, "There's billions of different toilets in the country, but you can only take a dump at the one in the White House!" It's pure foolishness man! So the answer is simple: learn the language of your ethnic peers.
Sounds like a hell of a hard thing to do right? I mean, so many cultures, so many languages, it's damn near impossible to learn them all. I agree. But the beautiful thing about humanity is that even with such diverse backgrounds, we all think the same way! Every human likes binge-drinking, curse words, and cute butts! So in essence, we're all whores and perverts no matter our heritage and background. Kind of liberating don't you think?
So we don't really need to learn an entire language, just the necessary phrases that everyone can relate to. So, this is my list of the necessary phrases for survival, which I call: "THE MASTER LANGUAGE!"
.Where's the Bathroom?
.I need a beer.
.I've got the munchies
.I think you're hot.
.How old are you?
.I need a place to crash
.That person has an STD
.F*<& You!
The rest can be done with hand signs and good old-fashioned facial expression. Now you and your fellow human can relate at any level. So get out there and let the harmony begin!