That's a mighty hopeful theory, at least to me. Unfortunately, it's not something that many people want to buy into. I don't think the skepticism comes from the whole "man descending from apes" arguement, because I think the public at large (save a few fanatic religous nuts................and the mormons) pretty much agrees with this. I think the big problem is the idea of change. The notion that we're still changing really irks some people, because there's no reason for it. We're perfect the way we are damnit! In just over 500 years, we have managed to change the face of this country forver. No longer are we the hairy supersticious pilgrims who would try to farm this land. Hell no! We're a civilized digitized people, with computers powerful enough to plug directly into our brain, and get laid by underage, underpaid web-vixens, on the other side of country, and do it in one quater of the time. We've managed to replace the clean air in our skies with a thin, brown layer of smog, completely changing the condition of the earth, and forcing us to rethink the naming of things like Glacier National Park, and Antarctica. We've perfected the art of laziness, violence and greed, and any further change is futile.
Okay then. Let us, for a minute or two, ponder a truly terrifying thought. What if..................they're right?
(Waits for screaming to subside)
Of course I don't believe in that (and shame on any of you thought I would) but for the sake of killing time, let's explore the idea shall we? Let us pretend we are the milestone of evolution, the picture of perfection. And, aside from having to adapt to some of the new "quirks" we've put into nature, what you see is what you get. So what exactly would the future hold, if our minds have developed to their fullest.
Here is my personal list fortelling the events that will lead us into...................THE DAWN OF PERFECTION!
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1. As fast food and TV dinners become a larger staple of the American diet, The next generation will be allergic to real food. Farms and ranches will be destroyed under Eminent Domain to create government funded laboratories that mass-produce the chemicals and artifical flavors that are the make up of the drive-thru culinary art. Parents will rejoice when a noted scientist discovers the chemical compounds necessary to make artifical cheesburger flavoring, which gets placed in just about all the undesirable foodstuffs, resulting in children eating more of their processed vegetables.
2. The popularity of viagra drives more men into their pharmacies for the new "miracle drug." The chemicals locked inside the drug permanently bond to our biology, resulting in mankind suffering with permanent erections. Men everywhere rejoice and take to the bedrooms in a crazy orgy, the likes of which Rome had never seen.
This lasts about 2 days. After which, walking, sitting, bending over, and going to the bathroom become a painful process. The physical burdens of sex become to great and legislation is passed that children can only be created with the assistance of labs and test tubes. Women, who have by this time have reduced their bodies to a chemical wasteland from botox and breast implants, unanimously agree. Teenagers still make out in parks and the backs of cars, despite it's uncivilized nature. Men with impotency are still considered freaks, and remain ignored by the public at large..
3. With the weight of racism and misconception hung so heavily on the masses, leaders of the existing ethnic groups unanimously decide to adapt the sterotyopes placed upon them, and end the confusion. African Americans are henceforth forbidden to ever smile again, and ebonics is adopted as the one true language. History is rewritten accordingly (Martin Luther King Jr. will hereforth be quoted as saying "I be dreamin' yo!") Latin Americans and all other derivatives will all be legally required to drive lo-riders, be stoned all the time, and lust after white women (the latter affecting only a small percent of the population.) Asian Americans are left to their own devices as long as they "Keep the chinese food coming," and "Keep those funny accents." As for white guys, well, the society adapts the characteristics of shows like "Friends" and "Sienfield," Where they are allowed to remain ignorant, homophobic, and generally afraid of anyone ethnic. They also become more preoccupied with small and nonexistant problems, and more prone to gossip. This comes as no surprise to any of the other groups since they were "headed that way anyays." However, in accordance with the new ideology, the title of "President of the United States of America" is changed to "The Head Honky."
4. When the last drops of oil dissapear from the earth, the population at large will naturally panic, then turn to the quickest, easiest, most readily available fuel source: BioDiesel. Government agencies will force fast food companies, to turn over any grease reserves in return for tax cuts and a lighter health inspection code. These reserves will be handed over to the heads of former oil companies, where they create Biodiesel refineries on a large scale, hastily ship it out to the public, and nautrally overcharge for it. Conspiracy theorists uncover a plot to kidnap the overly obese people to create a more pure form of Biodiesel. This leads to the warcry of the masses: "They're driving on people!"
5. With so many animals going on the endangered species list, the government decides that it's not worth the hassle trying to enforce their protection and it is unanimously decided in congress to simply collect as many endangered species as possible, kill them, and stuff them. That way future generations will always be able to know what a Great Horned Owl was.
