| The Misadventures of Nikita Neurotica |
| Paranoid, bitter and dark, Nikita never asked to be born like this. Pessimistic to the core, she spends her time wandering around buggering things up just like the rest of us but unlike those of us who can vaguely be called normal, refuses to see that there is little to be done and that we may as well just do the best we can while we're around. Stay away from her if you can. She'd probably prefer that anyway. Introduction to the world of Nikita Characters Nikita: Likes quietly meditating on the futility of life and watching films about murders. Likely to say "Just go away and don't hurt me. Please." Ciara:: Friend of Nikita. Prize nutter who tries to inject some meaning and purpose into Nikita's life. Fails miserably. Likely to say "At least your limbs haven't been gnawed off by killer chinchillas." Phillipa: Sickeningly happy arch-nemesis of Nikita. Terrorises society with tales of cute little babies and charity collections for orphaned rodents. Likely to say "Awww. Look. A puppy. Let's go and put bows in it's fur." The Misadventures of Nikita Neurotica 25th December Ah. Christmas Day. Don't you just love it (oops, have suddenly slipped, albeit unconciously, into Phillipa mode. Except the fact that she really means it.) Was woken up at 7:30am by my father bursting into my bedroom and viciously turning on the light, bellowing "Why don't you wake up bloody early like normal people?!". Tried to explain that I needed my sleep and that at 16 my days of running into my parents room at 3am on Christmas morning are over but to no avail. You know something that really annoy me? (Probably but is it the one I'm thinking of?) Crackers. You have to pull them with some brat kid and they never crack properly, you are then forced to sit for at least an hour with a stupid hat on. And the toys. This year, I got a little man in kit form (good idea in theory actually) where you had to put the little plastic bits together and stick the features on as stickers. Despite the fact it was designed for five-year-olds, managed to stick the stickers on all the wrong bits then tried to assemble it and within five minutes had broken it - unassembled. Am I really so sub-humanly stupid? 10th January Oh god.... guess what joyous experience has injected new meaning into my life? New term at school and the lovely, lovely mocks. Oh yes. Now we get to sit in a draughty hall and scribble until we wish that hand transplants were offered on the NHS (well actually maybe not - heaven forbid - what a horrible, horrible thought). Well. I was sitting next to the heater in my first history exam. It was lovely. And I actually started to look forward to the next one, knowing I'd be sitting in the same place. Oh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the exam there was a disturbance at the other end of the hall and a load of people had to change places. Why you may well be asking yourselves? Like something out of a cartoon, a leak had appeared in the ceiling and some of the tiles had started to bow, weighed down with water, which was also running liberally down their necks from the ceiling. Which was nice. And it meant that we had to sit in the cold in the other hall afterwards as for some reason people objected to sitting in icy waterfalls while trying to write 15-mark questions on Gorbachev's reforms. God how they fuss. 6th March It's been announced. We leave school on 16th May. After that date there will be no more maths, science, or PE kits I outgrew in year 9. Those are good things. But what will we do when we no longer have people to tell us what to do and actually care about our success? And what of my best friend who is going to a different college? Who will laugh at my bitter sense of humour and put up with me? The other thing is that now we have a prom. Oh yes. We get to parade about in a dress, feeling very awkward and self conscious (well more perhaps than usual). Is it even worth it? I mean, it's a bit of a twisted idea, isn't it? Take a load of teenagers, most of which only know each other in the safe atmosphere that is school where they don't even notice their ugly surroundings any more and they all look unsexy in their horrible uniforms (however hard they try), and put them in formal dress and get them to socialise in a posh setting. It can only be a recipe for disaster. 7th May Oh I'm so scared. In 6 days I leave school and what will I do then? One the one hand, no more of all this "shut up and behave, children" but what about my friends? Who will look after me and understand that I don't want to talk in the mornings and put up with my odd behaviour? I'll be sooo alooone. And I hate the pep talks from the teachers - I think they're trying to make up for the last five years in these last few days, telling us how we should be working so hard and all this. It's truly pathetic. And people are still walking around smiling at each other and being cheerful! Why can't they either sit down and have panic attacks like normal people or else just bugger off? 29th May Oh yes. GCSEs. What fun. Although the exams themselves are nowhere near as depressing as I might have expected, what really is getting to me is block leave. I just don't want to be alone any more. It's so horrible being in exam halls - you're a metre away from the next person and you're not allowed to speak to them, on pain of death, even though you feel so alone you have to dance around the house to imaginary music! I honestly believe I am going mad through solitary confinement - I have started talking to myself and laughing suddenly and maniacally at random intervals. Someone save me from myself! 23rd October I return after my long sabbatical. College, eh? Could there be any more fun on one campus? All of a sudden, life relies on more than hiding around corners in a green blazer and knowing all the words to "Can't Take My Eyes Off You". Scary isn't it? 4 hours of 'personal study time' per subject per week? What?! What do we do in our spare time? Well for me obviously it's still sitting around looking depressed but I am working on it. At least, unlike at school, when you walk in of a morning everyone else is sitting there looking like they would like to staple things to the teacher's head too. Mainly because it is 8.30 in the morning and something like one in three people there are hungover. Hahaha. |