men

Why Men Are F*ckwits

Don't argue, boys, you know you are. I bet you all get loads of these checklist points, some of them were meant with people in mind and if you're intelligent (which you're not, because you're a man) you'll probably be able to work out which one is you... We hate you when:

1. When you steal our stuff Be it CDs (you know who you are!) or concealer, this is a royally annoying (although fairly minor) fuckwittage point. Just don't do it. Please.

2. When you flirt with girls other than your girlfriend Oh you know you do it. And worse too, some of you. Emotional f*ckwittage! Yes we do mind! Stop it right now, mister!

3. When you cancel plans *Sighs*. That's when we sit at home and sing "End Of The World" on our own and eat ridiculous amounts of chocolate.

4. When you poke/slap/wallop us It hurts! And we can't hit you back hard enough cos we're not as strong as you. It's just not nice.

5. When you make crude comments You know the type I mean. It's not particularly flattering, just quite embarrassing really. And how can you be so arrogant as to think it's ok? Grrr.

6. When you lock us in cupboards Yes that actually happened to me today. I knew it would happen but it was still not very nice.

7. When you deny how beautiful we are I am sexy! I am!

8. When you make us feel stupid Oh come on you know we're cleverer than you. But no-one can keep that up 24/7 so we're bound to have to let it slip every now and then. That's it. Honest.

9. When you're more interested in your computer than us How sad are you?! I never date men with tiny peripherals. Hahahaha.

10. When you just don't care Go away now I hate you I hate you.

11. When you grope us Get off and leave us alone, you perverts.

12. When you lean out of the window of your van to leer at us Why do I seem to attract builders?! Why?!

13. When you don't understand What is so difficult to understand about being a girl? We go around in groups cos we like to have company. Why? See point 5. We like shopping cos we like new clothes. For any other points that need clarifying, you can ask me you poor uneducated savages.

14. When you give us the silent treatment excuse me, I am a woman and I thought I was supposed to be the hormonal, unreasonable one in this relationship? Say something or sod off.

Men. Urgh!!