| Diary Of A Wimp Move over Bridget Jones and Adrian Mole, I'm much more interesting than you, AND I'm real so there. |
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| 15th May A year on from my original post, I've finally got round to updating this diary. This time last year I was running around scaring lots of year sevens and calling people "Peasants" and other entertaining pastimes. Now I'm running round, scaring myself and going "Arrgh! What am I gonna do?!". Tomorrow I leave school, could you ever believe it true? I'm just so scared. My theory is this: Although we have been saying "Ooh, the last Monday!" or whatever, meaning "Last Monday at school" and people have answered oh so wittily "No, that's not true. There will be other Mondays!", I disagree. As of tomorrow, life as we know it will cease to exist. Our minds will warp so wildly that we will be unrecognisable to all, including ourselves. There is no way to stop this happening to us. Be strong, my children. 29th May And the unbelievable has happened! Now not only have we left the safety and rountine of school, we are now more that half way through our GCSEs. Of course it doesn't feel strange, we've only been in compulsory education for 11 years to prepare us for this! You know what? I am thoroughly sick of block leave! Nothing to do all day but revise and watch tv. At first it was fairly entertaining, ooh "Trisha" and "Ruby" every day! But the novelty wore off and the full boredom of the situation hit us after... oh about 2 days. We did consider going into school and sitting down in a lesson just to see what the teacher would do. Take us back, Tudor Grange, please! 16th August Do your parents keep avoiding the subject? Are you lying frozen and terrified in your bed at night in unholy dread of the inevitable? Have you considered running away to begin a new life as a professional waster? Oh dear. It is true about turning into my parents after all. I'm talking about GCSE results, of course, my children. It is now less than a week until we have to go into school and tremulously open the envelope containing either a great disappointment or something extremely pleasing. Have you noticed there seems to be no in-between? How ironic would it be if you dropped dead just before opening the envelope so that you never found out if those 11 years of boredom were worth it? Or even worse, if you spontaneously combusted while holding the dreaded envelope, so that not only do you never find out your results, but neither does anyone else? (I realise your results are already stored elsewhere and known by your teachers at this point, I was just trying to be entertaining). 31st October Hmm thought it was about time I updated this, it's ok people, I haven't grown a social life and joined the real world, I'm just very lazy and really quite boring. So - Halloween! Just a bit of fun or devil worship? For myself I am extremely glad that I am no longer 10 and consequently no longer expected to dress up and prance about looking more foolish than scary. These days, Halloween takes on a new form of amusement as we plot all year, new traps and tortures to try on any poor children who believe that they really are being quite frightening. This year I think is the year of the boiling oil and the flame thrower, although we may just decide to revert back to the old stone throwing ways. Who knows? 10th November My birthday. On a Sunday. Hurrah. So now suddenly I understand a whole new meaning to the Black Box Recorder song "Hated Sunday" (last track on "England Made Me") - how boring are birthdays on Sundays?! I had to do all the homework I couldn't be bothered to do yesterday, clean my room and iron my washing. And *not* have a party - apart from anything and who actually goes out on a Sunday? I went to a party on a Sunday once - it was totally random, I knew hardly anyone there, it was incredibly boring and to add insult to injury it was where I met the man who a year later would become my 'bastard ex-boyfriend'. Nice. So anyway - roll on my 18th birthday, next year, which will be on a Monday. Nice sensible day, Monday. Hurrah for Mondays! 10th January Well then, back to college after Chrismas, what fun! Of all places I could spend New Year in, guess where I spent it?! Disneyland! I'm a bit ambivalent when it comes to my thoughts on Disneyland. On the one hand,Ney Year was beautifully cheesy and kitsch. But on the other you have the more sinister, worrying side. Why did they create a complete mini world, in which the ridiculous is real and in which children are led to believe that these men in furry suits really are those fictional characters they've seen on the television? There's all these nasty words running around in my head, things like "brainwashing" and "world domination" but I think I should keep my silence... there seems to be a giant smiling corporate-symbol of a mouse with a large hypodermic syringe in his hand running down the garden towards me... help me! |