scattershot7

28/12/06

Oh fuck

I know what I am and I'dont want to be who I am but there's no more running away is there? I wish and I wish and I wish and I wish...............................

Oh shit

I know I've been trying to avoid this for ages now but i can't avoid it anymore. I was told that I had to sort myself out because i can't keep going on like this leaving a trail of chaos behind me.

Just because i won't face myself.

It's been a long time coming but tonight I think I'm ready to say

I think I'm transsexual

And I have to come to terms with that and work out what it really meas for me.

I was told that the whole trans thing has taken over me and I don't have any control over it anymore. I think that's true.

I used to feel that when I dressed it was "trans" now I feel that when I don't it's trans.

When I look in the mirror now I only really recognise myself when I see Purple.When I see Adam it seems like someone else.

I think I'm transsexual.

I feel defeated.

I feel it is true.

I feel I've always known that i'd be here.

I feel that it's true.

There's an awful heavy deep feeling of rightness in the bottom of my stomach when I admit I think I'm transsexual and I want to be a woman.

There's an awful lot of relief.

Still even now I don't know how to explain the feeling of "This Is Me!" when I'm Purple. I can't explain how right it feels, like I've come home, how this is how I'm supposed to be.

I wish i could say why, I wish I could say there's someting I can do about it, I wish I could choose not to feel this way .

But I can't.

I just do. I feel like dressing isn't enough anymore. It doesn't feel like the real me. I feel like I'm dressing when I'm Adam.

I've never felt comfortable as a man in a mans world. Now I don't want to be..

I just want to be me.

I think I'm transsexual

Night

x

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