Ilya closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest, exhaling.
He had just finished one of the most miserable road trips of his career,
NHL and not. Not only had they lost all three games, but Ritchie was
still in the hospital in Dallas and Dany was out for anywhere from 2 weeks
to 4. Ilya had enjoyed that part of it least of all, the irrational fear
that had seized him late in the game in Dallas as he saw Dany in such
pain. Ilya noticed all the grimaces he tried to hide over the rest of the
trip, not that Dany mentioned it to Ilya. He was in a bad mood � with
good reason � and said about 2 words until today, Sunday.
He opened his eyes as the car passed a minivan. �What is it like, having
kids?� he asked softly, and Patrik Stefan looked at him in surprise.
�That�s a random question.�
Ilya shrugged. �Answer it anyway.�
�It�s...kind of scary. Scary and wonderful. To be in charge of a whole
person, to be responsible for them, to have someone depend on you so
completely. And it is a lot of work and you get very little sleep for
some time when they are small. But...everything is worth it. To see
their first smile, first step, first word.�
Ilya sighed and stared back out the window.
�Why are you asking, Ilya?�
�I don�t know.�
�Do you want them, then?�
�I think so, yes. But I do not know how�I do not think I could marry,
Patrik. I am not like you.�
�No, you aren�t. Besides, I am in love with my wife, very much, and you are
in love with someone else and it would not be fair to marry.�
�I guess.�
Patrik pulled into a space near Ilya�s building. �Do you want me to come up?�
Ilya thought about it. It meant he didn�t have to sleep alone. �Yes.�
He was quiet as they went upstairs, quiet as he locked his apartment door
behind them. �Are you ok?� Patrik asked softly, as he wrapped his arm
around Ilya�s waist, tugging him closer.
�I don�t know, and I do not want to talk about it,� Ilya replied firmly,
pressing his lips to Patrik�s and effectively ending the conversation.
When Ilya woke up, Patrik was still asleep. His bedroom faced east, and Ilya
could see the very first rays of sun peeking over the horizon. He got up
carefully so not to disturb Stefan and stepped into the bathroom,
showering and drying off quickly. He stood at the mirror, a towel slung
around his waist, staring into the mirror.
�You ok, Ilya?� Ilya�s eyes met Patrik�s in the mirror as the Czech rested a
chin on his shoulder, hugging him from behind, licking away a stray drop
of water from his shoulder.
Ilya dropped his head, exhaling. �Yeah.�
�Hang in there. One game at a time, one day at a time.�
�Yeah.�
�I have to get home now. You be ok?�
�Of course,� Ilya said with a tired smile.
Patrik moved some and kissed him on the forehead. �Go back to sleep. You
look like you need it. A lot.�
Ilya nodded half-heartedly and figured his linemate was right. �See you,
Patty. Thanks.�
�Anytime.� He stepped out of the bathroom, and Ilya continued to blankly
stare at his reflection until he heard Patrik leave.
Then he took the Czech�s advice and returned to bed.
*
*
*
Dany figured he�d let his anger out when he got home. Yell or throw things or
something. He�d been afraid he would the entire road trip, which was why
hadn�t been speaking to Ilya. He didn�t want to take any of his
frustrations out on his friend, and he was pretty sure he would if he
spoke unnecessarily.
But he found that when the door to his house closed and he stood alone for the
first time since his injury that he wasn�t mad at all. Instead, he
collapsed carefully on the couch, exhaling wearily, covering his eyes with
one forearm.
Jesus. Being hurt sucked. And potentially out for a month...he wasn�t sure
he could go that long without playing. Asking Ilya how he�d dealt with it
crossed Dany�s mind, until he remembered that Ilya really hadn�t dealt
with it, and had pretty much sulked for the entire end of the season.
He thought of calling Ilya anyway, just to hear his voice, and to apologize
for being so distant the whole trip, but he realized how late it was and
how exhausted and worn Ilya had looked on the plane and decided against
it. In the morning, he�d call.
*
*
*
Ilya was roused out of sleep by the phone. �What?�
He woke up a little during the pause on the other end. �Sorry, I didn�t mean
to wake you, just call me back later.�
�No, no, it�s ok Dan, probably I should not have answered that way...�
�You sure?�
�Yeah.�
�Oh. Ok...well, I just wanted to apologize.�
�For what?� asked Ilya, sitting up a little, letting the covers fall to his
waist.
�For making you put up with me the last couple days.�
�There is no need to apologize to me.�
�Of course there is.�
�I understand, Dany, I think I was much the same to you last year, yes?�
Dany had to chuckle a little. �I think you were worse.�
�Well, I would have scored 30 goals,� Ilya said, pleased to have made Dany
laugh.
�Mm-hm. Hey, what are you doing for Christmas?�
�I will be here. Igor is coming down to visit, I have not seen him since this
summer.�
�Oh. Well...uh, I was thinking you might want to come over here for Christmas
Eve, if you don�t have any other plans or anything, you know, with Igor, I
mean, you can bring him of course.� Dany finally stopped rambling, and
Ilya smiled.
�Of course I will come.�
�Oh. Ok.�
�Is that it?�
�Do you want to go to a movie or something today?�
Ilya threw the covers off and stood up, tucking the phone between his ear and
shoulder so he could pull on clean boxers. �Sure, Dan. How are you
feeling?�
�Could be worse. Still limping a little.�
�Want me to pick you up then?�
�Yeah, ok.�
�In a few minutes, then.�
�Ok, Kovy. See you.�
Ilya clicked off the phone and dropped it on the bed so he could pull a shirt
over his head. He felt better, this morning�s depression almost
forgotten. They�d make it through 4 more games, even without Dany. And
then a break. And then it was like a new start. They�d have to make the
most of it.
*
*
*
Dany felt better as well, easily ignoring the ache in his leg. He was
slightly worried about what exactly he was going to do on Christmas Eve
that warranted inviting people over, but he figured that as long as he was
going to come up with something to do with Ilya and Igor, he may as well
see who else of his team would be around and possibly lonely this
Christmas.
And maybe he�d even work up the nerve to call Philadelphia.
Continued inpart 12