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Subject: Cow Economics > DEMOCRAT >You have two cows. >Your neighbor has none. >You feel guilty for being successful. >Barbara Streisand sings for you. > > >REPUBLICAN >You have two cows. >Your neighbor has none. >So? > > >SOCIALIST >You have two cows. >The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. >You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. > > >COMMUNIST >You have two cows. >The government seizes both and provides you with milk. >You wait in line for hours to get it. >It is expensive and sour. > > >CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE >You have two cows. >You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. > > >DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE >You have two cows. >The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support >a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from >your government. > > >BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE >You have two cows. >The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you >for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. > > >AMERICAN CORPORATION >You have two cows. >You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. >You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are >surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the >analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. >Your stock goes up. > > >FRENCH CORPORATION >You have two cows. >You go on strike because you want three cows. >You go to lunch and drink wine. >Life is good. > > >JAPANESE CORPORATION >You have two cows. >You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and >produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably >crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. > > >GERMAN CORPORATION >You have two cows. >You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give >excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately >they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. > > >ITALIAN CORPORATION >You have two cows but you don't know where they are. >While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. >You break for lunch. >Life is good. > > >RUSSIAN CORPORATION >You have two cows. >You have some vodka. >You count them and learn you have five cows. >You have some more vodka. >You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. >The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you >really have. > > >TALIBAN CORPORATION >You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. >You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private >parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while >they were in the hospital. > > >IRAQI CORPORATION >You have two cows. >They go into hiding. >They send radio tapes of their mooing. > > >FLORIDA CORPORATION >You have a black cow and a brown cow. >Everyone votes for the best looking one. >Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. >Some people vote for both. >Some people vote for neither. >Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. >Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the >best looking cow. > > >CALIFORNIAN >You have a cow and a bull. >The bull is depressed. >It has spent its life living a lie. >It goes away for two weeks. >It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. >You now have two cows. >One makes milk; the other doesn't. >You try to sell the transgender cow. >Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. >You lose in court. >You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. >You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change >your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a >speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to >help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of >1/7 of your farm "for the children". >Scharwzenager signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. >The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you >groped their teats. >You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. >The cow starves to death. >The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
