Poetry Page Five

My Poetry

I Think I'm Drowning
I think I'm drowning-
slowly being pulled down
into this world of useless hoping

I hope and I wish and I pray,
but nothing good enough comes my way
I think I'm drowning-
my thoughts of disappointment and insecurity
are consuming my being entirely
My expectations are so high, yet my standards are so low,
and the more my life goes on does my disappointment seem to grow
I think I'm drowning-
yet now and then it seems only fair,
a life giving breath-I'm allowed up for air
Without those rare days of treasured happiness
I'd have killed myself by now, and been rid of this mess
I think I'm drowning-
but I haven't forgotten how to swim
so for now I will fight but my future looks dim

Three More Years
Three more years and I'll be out of this hell whole
Three more years and I won't have to pretend
I won't have to deal, I won't have to feel,
Hell, in three years, maybe I'll heal.
I won't have to walk around, faking my life,
I'll do what I want, say what I want, feel how I want.
I won't have to fear your words
because I won't have to hear your words.
Three more years and I'll be free
Three more years and I'll be me
Until then I'll go on living
doing what's required of me until my time nears,
. . . Three more years.

Anti-Depressant
I remember this feeling-
of comfort and fearlessness,
of happiness for no reason.
It's better than my usual feeling-
of paranoia and hopelessness,
of sadness for no reason.

I remember this feeling-
I feel hyper and exhilarated,
as if the feeling were real.
It's better than my usual feeling-
except it leaves doubt in my mind,
because I know it's not real.

I remember this feeling-
but now it's man-made,
a pill that I take to get me through the day.
It's better than my usual feeling-
and so I appreciate,
but why can't I alone make the pain go away?

Dead
I lay here dead - in soul - in heart.
My body still functions as my world falls apart.
I pray for the silence, I pray for peace.
I pray and I hope for the pain to cease.
Forever hurting, a pressure in my heart.
You clenched and you squeezed it, lacking guilty though.
My destiny, now, is to exist no longer.
I wish I'd been happier, smarter, stronger.

To Be or Not To Be?
"To be or not to be?" That is the question.
But for a reason do that line I mention.
Just a famous line in literature.
Tis' nobler to die than to be in this torture?
To live in vain, or to die in vain?
Which decision entails more pain?
To be or not to be?
I have my answer, but do I dare take action in my query?

Random Thought Two
LOOK! Jenna got fuckin� screwed again!
Again and again, her life�s down the drain.
Those fuckin� stupid women and those fuckin� stupid men,
They�re fucking her up and driving her insane!

My Song: You Bring My World Alive

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