True Story Of My life
I so by swear that the facts revealed here in on this page is nothing but the absolute truth
While not at all easy for me to write at times ,It is my hope that this can be a gasp of hope for someone that is troubled with life,
WARNING it took many months to complete this and may be hard for some people to accept this does happen to real humans here on earth.
The Beginning
As a young little blonde headed skinny kid that was so eagar to learn new things and surrounded by two gorgeous sisters and a brother growing up - We were hit with news that would forever change our lives,i was 8 years old at this time,we were took in private while at the baby sitters,whom was the lady next door,and told that our mother was in a serious car wreck and icy conditions was the cause,i marked the spot of her death along side a road just off route 114 in my brain,her loss to us created a special bond in our hearts as we grew older
The Step Mother
After the passing of my mother,my dad had no choice but get a baby sitter because he worked two jobs,a live in situation preferrably,and this woman came a knocking,willing to baby sit for a place to stay,she wasted no time setting the rules and building her dreams,she showed no love from the very start,always acting like us kids were not wanted in our own home,aided of course with the fact that she soon slept with my dad and a romance was under way,this woman wanted to clean house despite the fact we were still very young in age,half cooked food,hardly ever allowed indoors even if the weather was cold,beatings with a belt across our legs when she needed to inflict pain,which reminds of a time at the age of 13 when i decided enough was enough for me while watching my sisters get their legs beat until they turned red,i stood up to her and dared her to ever hit my sisters again,we were victims of child abuse and it was getting to where someone had to do something,so i did,complaints by us to our dad went unanswered,in my heart as a boy i knew that he was well aware of what was happening,here i was,a young boy standing up to a grown woman with some fight of his own after several years of this abuse,and needless to say the abuse aided in my decision to run away from home,i had to run,i was very unhappy,i did not belong here,and a short time after it happened
The Exchange
Boy do i remember this very part oh so well,here i was standing outside what was to no longer be my home and there was my dad at the door yelling you are going to have to take orders from someone,and it hit me,he had not yet spoke a word about why was i leaving,it was more or less lashings out at me,as if i was the one that was wrong,i turned away without any words of my own,i knew why i was leaving,i had no hope the abuse would stop,my dad refusing to love his kids hurt most as i disappeared
The Separation
Im not sure i can explain this in real words but i shall try,the abuse i was feeling as i grew into a teenager was wrong and i knew it,it scarred me and at times scared me and i just ran with the thoughts i was feeling as a kid with all of this,i ran away from that home,at the age of 14,leaving behind my two sisters and fearful thoughts now without them surfaced as i wondered what they might be going through,sure i worried about them,they were still with the situation i was running from,we were involved in this togeather,i dearly missed them,but in my heart i knew i would never go back to the home i once knew,i had lost those moments of seeing my brother and my sisters growing up as i began to endure hard times of my own,now without a home and a school,i found my life sleeping in areas that presented fear and darkness,farm barns farm houses,behind buildings,in cars,and their were many moments i went hungry,no source for food,
First Night Alone
One of the strongest memories i have of my life as a boy,i chose an old farm house out in the middle of open farm land that i had wandered upon,miles from what use to be home to me,strange surroundings,the old farm house had broken windows and no doors,boards out of place,faded paint,and where the living room use to be was an old weather beat couch,it would be ok tonight i thought and under the stars their i was with the one thing i had taken with me as i left home,a hand sized radio,it comforted me to hear voices,it was then that my love for AM radio became part of my life,baseball games and talk shows galore came through that little speaker as i lay in the night alone,life wasnt so bad after all i thought,with god watching over me i closed my eyes and went to sleep trusting that i would be ok,i woke to cows standing all around me in this house,they had entered through the open areas,it spooked me,they seem so much bigger than i
Priceless Gift
It happened the summer of 1971,few years before leaving home,a voice so powerful came over my little radio,woo woo shes a lady was the song i suddenly treasured,but that wasnt enough as i soon discovered,i needed more,at the age of 11 i remind you,i actually was a few years behind the man and his music as i soon would find out,tom jones was now a big part of my life and i had discovered it as a boy,his raw talent was explosive,lol i was hooked,the next 30 some years of my life found me blessed as i followed his love for music which he simply refused to give up,saddened that most folks only know of him,his early hits seem to lead them,when truth be said this voice did it all,pop gospel ballads,country,blues and duets,he became a friend that never knew me,
Troubled Teenager
Here i was a runaway from not only abuse,but from my own home,still missing my mother after her passing,sleeping wherever i felt warm and safe,which was always outdoors,fighting hunger to the point i stole at every chance to survive,walking into stores and placing food items under my coat so i could eat,little did i know the art of stealing led to other things and soon i was knee deep in trouble with the law,drugs and booze came soon after,i was a kid without a family battling more problems than i had sense to control,the teen years of my life proved to play many factors in my life years after,failure to finish school being my biggest regret as i would later learn,because truth being told life never got much better entering my 20s and school was no longer a concern,i look back on my decision to runaway from home being the moment i got jumped on the wrong road in life,yet still today it is in my heart that at the time i had no other choice,
Should I Seek Help
I often pondered this after running away from home,because times were getting tough outdoors on my own,my head seemed so messed up and me left so confused by all this,but i chose to deal with it my way instead of seeking help through social services or the law for that matter,while knowing i was letting my dad and the baby sitter from hell off of what could have been child abuse charges,little did i know this would become a lifetime experience for me, flooded with so many bad memories,which has me today wishing i had at least sat down with someone whom was very understanding and togeather we could have attacked the issues i was dealing with,perhaps my start in life could have been some what better
My Mother
My memories have become quite tainted through the years of my mother,whom i never once stopped loving,she is still today my biggest loss in life,none of her children would have ever been abused,i believe this,she made sure since their was four of us,that somehow we all got the equal amount of attention,like going to the grocery store she would take whom evers turn it was with her,she worked a job to help feed the family and was very involved in the life she had chosen,she lived to be 28 years old,what precious memories i do still have of her noone or nothing will ever take away,i loved my mother,she loved us,
First True Love
A Kid Is Born
My Dad
This is being said having spent my life without him,so the thoughts are always tough and of ill feelings,truth be spoken i do not love my father,through the years of throwing around this and that i hold one thought to mind,the man he wasnt when he allowed another woman to abuse his children,the man that escaped from even accepting that he had children and used excuses to keep from changing his life around,today now a grown man myself i accept what will always be a burden to me,i get no satisfaction out of saying i dont love my dad,it hurts to feel this way,but this is how it is,thrown in the fact that several times over the years his grown children has tried to reach out to him only to be rejected,
So no mom no dad,no down home love to speak of,leaves a soul feeling pretty empty as life continues to pass,these memories are like tatoos to the skin,
my dad failed in life,how can you love someone that wasnt their for you,so i know of him and wish no bad things on him in his final days here on earth,their wasnt a bond to seperate
My Lost Brother
The breakup of our family home as kids never saw me catching back up to my brother in the way you would expect brothers to be,weve seen one another a few times over the many years and reminded of how we were totally different from each other as well,he seem to somehow lay down all the bad things in our past and move on with his life,which he has done well for himself,often accused of perhaps seperating himself from the family that once was,a stranger caused by time regardless of the truth,and my strongest thoughts of him remain that of how strong a person he was in his younger days,you did not want to anger him,he carried a temper,as seperate as we really are i still accept that we will forever be my brother and i wish him a very happy ending to his life having accepted the closeness of brothers will never be,
Center Of My Soul
One day i stopped using accuses for my failures,i challenged myself to find something that would make me feel good in the center of my soul,what i could lay claim to,i chose to better me,i admitted my sins,i gave an honest evaluation of myself and it wasnt good,changes were needed,no more telling lies,no more stealing things that didnt belong to me,choosing my friends a little more carefully,keeping a job,respecting others before expecting the same,believing their is a god up there that loves us all,having the desire to assist others in their times of need,AND the proudness i have for me now,it is the ultimate reward,it allowed me to find peace at last
The Ending
Ive come to accept i probably wont ever escape the shadows of yesterday,kinda scarred for life in more ways than one i reckon,but has since moved back into the area where my sisters are and have reunited with both,me and my two sisters share the same kind of story in life,our bond is unbreakable,regained a sense of fatherhood in my soul by reuniting with my daughter again and wasting no time telling her i love her and how important she is to me,although her mind at the age of 20 is more on the boys,lol,
Closing Thoughts
If you are a troubled person with thoughts of suicide because life isnt good for you and youve read this story about my life experience,what would be the words you would choose to say,better yet what words would i like to leave you with,
Start loving yourself,for all that you are is you,you are special,special just like everyone born into this life,if you dont love yourself my friend then you are over looking your purpose here on earth,
If i can overcome all that life poured down on me and yes still want to live my life here happily,you yourself can as well,
It takes strength to fight through bad times,a show of courage that everyone of us has within,grasp it and use it against those hard trying times we all have at some point in our lives,all those wonderful things youve heard of or read about,are out there,notice i said "out there",which in truth means the faster you go find them the happier you will be in your life,
I could have gave up along time ago,but i didnt,i learned my happiness was out there also,i had to go get it,i had to be the one that made it happen,for it was i that wanted such,
Always love yourself,stop the thoughts of causing harm to whom you are,seperate yourself from all negatives that just pull you down and do this for me.....put your best foot forward and i do mean best,and put some effort into finding happiness,and it is on my promise,that you too will have many reasons to seek tomorrow!
BE BLESSED BY THE GIVING OF BLESSINGS