For a friend...

    Where do you possibly start to describe the best thing that has happened in your life... is there possibly a way to begin with words that can aptly describe the deepest gratitude, for the one sure-fire thing in your life. I am not the best with words, certainly I am no Shakespeare , nor even Byron...but I shall try.

    The only thing that I have found to be worth living for in my life, for quite sometime now, is my one true friend. I know that before I never understood any of this, I never understood how one single person could affect another so profoundly, but now I do understand. Even though friendship is quite a peculiar thing, and just as much as it is peculiar it is hard to describe. I did not think that it was humanly possible to care about one thing as much as I do now. I had always had this theory about my interactions with humans, in my mind the best relationship was one that was detached, so far, so distant that it was almost fake. For a long time I fooled myself into believing that that was as far as friendship went, a person, slightly more than a nameless face, that wanted to talk to you rather than run away...and that worked for a while. Maybe this is only so profound for me, because it never happened to me before. All I knew about life was detached from everything else. Maybe you will not understand anything I am saying, because it has never happened to you before.

    Having a friend like this, it is having someone around that whenever something happens to you no matter how stupid or how pointless it is you just want to run home and tell them about it, and you know that when you tell them they care and that they are actually listening to you instead of waiting for their turn to speak.

    And sometimes you would kill to hear the music that is the sound of their voice.

    Having a friend like this, will make you want to do anything for them at any time. It makes you want to kill everything that has ever hurt them, it makes you want to find all the good things in the world for them and gather them up into one spot and give it to them. It will make you stay up all night to find an answer to their problems.

    Having a friend like this means they won't bail on you, even after you have done something totally and utterly stupid. they won't leave you. I know I have done stupid things, but somehow it just doesn't seem to matter.

    Having a friend like this is so painful when you don't see them for a while, but so powerful that it almost makes you die of utter happiness when you see them again. It is an energy so powerful it almost knocks you over where you are standing, you have to stop and brace yourself so you don't fall.

    Having a friend like this suddenly gives everything else around you a purpose. There is an energy about them that seems to paint your entire cold and grey world with the most vibrant colors.

    For some reason you can almost always read what they are thinking, no matter how painful it is, and the most painful part is knowing that there isn't much you can do to fix any of it.

    And you don't just know what they are thinking, you feel it somewhere, deeper than you have ever bothered to go before.

    They carry an energy with them, that they are oblivious to, that seems to make everything around you brighter.

    You would think that if you were capable of any human emotion at all, you might in some way be able to show them that there are humans out there in the world that aren't completely stupid and demented.

   You would do almost any act of random stupidity to see them laugh or smile, and for some reason it just doesn't matter to you as long as they are happy.

    You would sit outside and watch the world and it only seems to make sense if you can somehow tie it back to them.

    You spend nights, and most of your days, wondering how long something this good could last, especially when nothing of this importance has ever happened to you before.

    You also spend those nights thinking that this is pointless, because you know how it is going to end anyway. Time moves on and friends grow apart. You hope that you could possibly defy the odds, just this one time. YOU WANT TO KILL TIME. YOU HATE TIME, and you can feel it exploding within you each time you see it pass you by.

    And for some reason it doesn't matter to them that you are cheesy, even though sometimes you fear that they might, but then most of times you can remember that they aren't like other people, other people who would belittle you for things like this page. You keep thinking that all of this emotion is a bad thing, that people see you as vulnerable, or weak, but someday things will click, and then it just doesn't matter anymore. Then you realize that sometimes you just have to trust yourself, you have to stick your neck out on the line, and that you finally have to stand up for all of things that you are thinking. You realize that you are going to fail, you are going to fall flat on your face, and everything is going to suck, but then you realize that there isn't any possible way to fuck up the one thing that you have now. You realize that they will always be there, to pick you up. Somehow this gives you a strength, that you might not have realized that has been there the whole time. You realize this is life, and you have to live it, instead of worrying about living it. Then you realize, you never, ever would have realized this had it not been for them.