| written Feb 17, 2003 The stars seem empty But I am whole I took all my rage And buried it far below For once I am happy For once I can see What a sad sight I used to be |
| written Feb 17, 2003 Doors opened at 7 My house party had started 2 to 3 hundred people at least Drunk and stumbling Filled with fear All hit the floor When a po entered the door |
| written Feb 17, 2003 When you asked me to be your Valentine I was so scared and unprepared Nervous as hell and about to yell Hapiness spilling out of my ears I said yes and I swear to god I heard wedding bells |
| written Feb 17, 2003 a faceless painting might as well be me because when people look at me that is all they see they don't care that i'm abused they don't care i'm so confused fuck this life i'd rather be a faceless painting |
| written in 6th grade I watched through the bedroom window Abruptly the ambulance arrived The men jumped out Carrying their bags to my grandparents door Waiting for the news I sat alone My grandma watched the men Then sat with me Teary-eyed she told me it was going to be alright News came We wept together while we watched the men Carrying my grandpa Return to the ambulance and leave Though I felt his presence I pretend he's not there |
| written in the 6th grade Walking down the street I see a young girl with my image Pass me by She looks cheerful but shy Alone and afraid The girl was moving slowly As if there was no rush She smiles at me and says hello The hello was friendly And the smile so sweet The girl who passed me by Was just past 5 feet She has brown hair And blue lingering eyes She is looking deserted As if lost in time But I shouldn't be rude To the girl I might like Who just walked by me At an hour past nine |
| written in the 6th grade Sitting alone in a hospital lobby Brought in by a small child Munching on the leaves of a spicy herb dish So many children touching, Dropping, and annoying me today Oh boy! If only I had long, sharp teeth to eat much more And of course, Occasionally giving the children a light little pinch But only when they are suffocating me Between their sweaty, hot hands I wish I could just be alone But I guess being touched Is just another bad part Of living a caterpillar's life One day I want to be locked up In a room filled with the worlds most delectable plants And where no one else can touch me! And that is how I want to be Just the plants and me. But no, not this time Because a nurse just brought me outside And said, "Goodbye." |
| written in 6th grade Do you think of me? Do you remember how we laughed togther? Do you know how happy I was? I think of you with only a faint memory You left us all with pain and sorrow But I think I was hurt the most I remember how we played jokes ANd how you'd wake up early Every Sunday morning Just so we could play games and dance around It is just three yours since you passed way But I still feel the pain deep inside my heart Everyone remembers how close we were And we will always remember your deep brown eyes Your loving heart.... and your glowing smile |
| written in 6th grade Walking along main street With my mother by my side Eating a cherry popsicle Watching cars drive I remember my stuffed dog that mother carried at her side the sounds of moving vehicles that made me lose my mind the way that she looked into my eyes that almost made me cry the bitter sweet crys of lonly birds on that hot summer day when i was three |
| Febuary 20th, 2003. 2am 2 My Boo! I love you baby! There you are laying right next to me But I can't touch you. I can't move paralyzed at the sight of your beauty long brown hair covoring long lashes your shirt off and all i can think about is kissing you but scared it will shattter your dream and wake you from your sleep for now i'll just look and think how lucky i am to have a love like this. |
| Feb 21, 2003 I tell you that I love you Believe me that its true I would do anything humanly possible To bring happiness to you Any time of day Any hour of the night Even if you can't fully trust me I'll try with all my might Because even thinking of losing you Is somthing that brings me fright |
| Febuary 22, 2003 Tear filled lingering eyes I had lost my love No going back No changing my actions I've lost a piece of my heart You gave me your undivided attention And I took it for granted But truth be told I'll forever love you |
| Febuary 23, 2003 To be with you for one last night Glasses of wine and a fire with moonlight Wishing you'd be mine forever and ever Gazing up at the star filled sky I would have never noticed you had another And we have just had our last kiss You break it to me gently But my tears rush out ravishly You tell me your sorry And I run to my car Never to hear from you again |
| febuary 24, 2003 The first time I layed eyes on you I knew that you were mine 10 weeks 2 days later Our love is so divine Knowing no one can break our bond Provides a feeling so pure If someone asked me just how I felt I wouldn't know how to respond My feelings for you go deeper than words Its not childish or fake I'm really in love No matter what happens These feelings will stay I just hope we never part ways |
| March 3, 2003 you ignored me all weekend and you don't even care you made a new friend and left me in dispair so don't think its the same don't think were cool cuz i'll get you back & girl... it'll be good |
| March ?, 2003 I told you that I loved you Doubting you thought it was true But no matter what you think..... I'd give my life for you |
| May 18, 2003 You keep telling me you love me Fuck you, I know its not true The sex, the kisses, the hugs and the cuddles All fake, somthin you blew You drink, and I know you cheat Don't lie bitch, don't chew what you cant eat After all of this, and knowing I'm here You can fuck Ashley and Sara without a care Remeber that I'll never take you back What you did , I'll never forget I'll laugh when your new love cheats And if I see those girls, It'll be their ass I beat |
| You called me disrespectful for someone elses words i thought i fell in love with you though it sounds absurd I sometimes wish we wouldn't have met i liked you from the start we got drunk and we made out last time to see you in weeks we meet again, and oh my friend you couldn't have treated me any worse |
| sex, greed, and hate their tatt'd on my arm its all because of guys, family , and lies they all look with their eyes never with their heart this girl needs some help and these carvings are only the start |
| Where is the love hundreds of miles away Mine reaches you but you dont see it All u see is past problems but not future resolutions this could be a perfect relationship but you gave me up for a past love whos already taken and sadly i won't have u back when you realize love travels miles if its real like mine |
| I wish there was a wishing well to wish away this evil spell losing you has torn my heart i wish this didn't have to start i wonder what has changed your mind I think about this all the time I hope one day that you'll discover I'm there for you more than ur mother If only I didn't have to cheat I guess I really didn't see Just how much you mean to me I think of marraige and a baby carraige thats wha ti wanted to happen with you and me but your gone now so i wish you well |
| how could i feel this way about someone i don't know i asked you for your number and you thought it was a joke i prance and skip at your work all day we wave and say hello i finally worked up a nerve i asked you to join my friends on our night out you said yes and my heart skipped a beat so we picked you up fro mwork we went drinking and we made out everyone had a blast you stayed the night you were late to work now i'm on the bus to get my card to see you one more time CMD |
| we meet in a bar and u walked me to my car sweet talkin all the way i provided a place to stay and to my drunken dismay i was raped today |
| Intamacy Its better if your together Makes it less regretful treating yourself disrespectful with any guy that acts like hes true |
| June 11, 03 Your gone And i feel like i am to no one to hug no one to kiss if you were here i'd have no one to miss you make me complete without you i'm sad so until i can see you until we can kiss i'll tell you i love you and i guess i'm on a waiting list |
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| amidst sanctuaries quiet in the wet city silence roars while locked away in dreams all splashed on memories as they seep into an unforgettable briliance |
| i carefully give you loving feeling your touch alone is worth the earth i know when words turn to cries i will say as i honestly feel our love is forever |
| bright sun clear blue skies two bodies laying on the beachside embracing one another in their arms taking in the warmth of teh sand while looking in anothers eyes and holding eachothers hand |
| now as you walk to those heavenly gates i guess it is time to say .. that i knew our love was golden instantly my eyes are clear i'll say to you now like i haven't before i love you dear boy and for you... i'd give the world |
| nobody knows how i feel you all think i'm so happy but the anger is real i'm hiding from you all the hate i place inside but soon the curtain will fall and there won't be a place for me to hide yes, you will all see the person i call me |
| you told me it would all be fine you said forever you'd be mine i should have known it the first i saw you in the corner talking to her, i ignored your hand high on her leg the sexy smiles you passed all between each kiss i really wish i missed all that so i'd be in the blue and happy with you |
| sweet as candie soft as rain my cheerfull kisses no longer remain the hand i had held is no longer there the smile i saw has turned to a glare the loce that we shared no one could compare but you left me for some girl and now i'm so cold and oh-so alone |
| i remember him its as if his clear green eyes were embedded into my soul and i was in agony to think of his soft sweet lips kissing any others than mine but i remember him |
| listen to my voice honest never simple silence all words spewing care and love till the day you decieved me and left me in dispair |
| a tear is a token of emotion it slides down your cheek reflecting our feelings in a quiet and releasing way it falls and shatters into a million pieces of hurt never to be felt again |
| i missed you it hurt so bad that cold stare burning into my empty heart i'm sorry for the things i've done i don't trust and i can't ever love i'm filled with thoughts of you so trapped in a mist of confusion i want to be with you holding onto every moment for what its worth i miss your words the sweet things you used to say lying is a sin but missing you is forever |
| tears are on my pillowcase flowers have withered from their blue vase a note from you in my hand as i read it, my heart turns to sand you say you still want to be friends but i'll tell you sweet boy, i just don't understand yesterday you confessed your love to me now you want to set me free i should have known this would happen to me i can't trust a boy thinking he'll do this to me |
| i try to smile i try to wave but everything turns out the same a blur a slur a silent stare to much pressure from you i cant hardly bare without you my tears are torn without a single one reborn just the same shadowy stare often turned to a glare because the fires gone |
| lost in a hidden black forest with blood like ice my dark grieving soul made my hispers wail echoing cryptic tears along torn bitter skin fearful of what will come next ........... my death |
| crazy wishes and tainted kisses dreams of laughter with hungry desires sweaty palms along icy lips teary eyes by a frosty mist open hearts with lonely thoughts craving the unknown while loving in vain |
| you kick me when i'm down and i can't get up again i'm abused and theres no excuse because i hate it and i don't want it but i do tolerate it i would trade it |
| i thought you were the one that there would be no other i thought that we were meant to always be with eachother i guess that i was wrong because we are still apart in a way this is good because you can't break my heart |
| i want to kill myself i feel shame why the hell don't you say the same my life is ruined my world is none all i want to do is shoot myself with a gun |
| everything was so unexpected everything was so right you were holding me close i was holding you tight we just sat down looked up and the sky and when i looked at you i saw me in your eyes i held your hand never wanting to let go and this feeling inside only seems to grow and as me said goodbye i kissed your lips and held you tight how i wish i could spend another nigh |
| you told me you love me but i guess its not true my life is shattered to pieces all because of you i don't know what to do i don't know what to say but i know deep inside in my heart you stay how can you do this to me am i not human to you you make me feel i am nothing to you i'm hurt, i can't take it anymore i don't know what i'm living for and its you that i adore now, what will i do? must i die? must i fall? you make me feel nothing at all |
| feeling the pain within me i just want to leave reality my life is useless i feel so low do i have a reason to live? i still don't know i really need help i need someone to talk to someone who is understanding caring and true i feel unloved i just want to die believe me this is no lie now is the time i have to go will i live? its for me to know |
| hold me close don't let go touch me, heal me, let me grow i just don't understand will i ever do? when will i mean 'something' to you |
| why are you so cruel do you think i'm a fool kill me now for the hurt is so damn bad when will you understand when will you make me glad i'm so helpless, i'm so dead if you want to kill me , go ahead i am nothing to you you don't even care all i want is you... and not just in my head |
| do you love me? i really need to know you told me you love me but i guess its easier to say then show why is love so hard to explain why does it always lead to pain so tell me, show me now, do you love me? so i would know somehow i just want you to know that i really care and if you need someone i'll be there |
| its hard to express its hard to do to explain love i need you it only has four letters but the meaning is so deep love is a word that could make you weep they say love is blind for me tis not true because when i fall in love i always see you |
| March 17, 04 its the only way, you say to make this pain go away you hate the living, you hate the dead please get these evil thoughts out of my head rusty blades on your pulsating wrist you hear the ripping, you see the blood that lost feeling you'll always love once virgin wrists, now scarred with deciet (not finished ^) |
| March 17, 04. True Love/ True Deciet you think your love is oh-so-true in the end you'll be all sad and blue truth you find is nothing but lies lies can make the happiest girl cry he says he didn't want to hurt you but there was nothing else that he could do you wonder all day and night what did you do wrong? giving your heart and your body whats wrong with that through all the rumors you kept faith that your love would las tto the grave but proven wrong, you move on for another guy to tear you down |