May Journal
2003
Thursday, 22........................ Ok so today went relativley well. Made plans to go with Nicole, and Abby to the mall to meet Daniel again. The day went slow before the mall, I was bored off my ass. Couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about Adam. This is getting really annoying. Anyways. Me and Nicole took the bus to the mall and Abby got dropped off by her mom. Met Abby in the food court then went and did her hair and makeup in the bathroom. She was wearing a tube top and low rise jeans so we kept pulling her thong straps up so we could show off her lil body. lol. Walked around with Daniel, his friend and friends gf. Boring. LIke a half hour later his friends were leaving, so he left with them. Abby kept kissin up on him it was sick. But he did look pretty spiffy. He told me yesterday he was going to bring me a poem and a note, but he forgot them. After they left, me and Abby tried on dresses for Nicole's pleasure at Mariposa. Both dresses, which looked kinda funny at first, I fell in love with. Cept the prettiest one was white and you could see my blue panties. lol. sillyness. Went into tilt and I spent like two bucks trying to get a damn Carebear out of that one thing. GOt sum candy and then went to wait for the bus. All got off and went to Nicoles for a lil bit, then Abby and I wanted to leave so we were headed toward her place but I decided to turn around and go home because it was starting to rain out. Came home and talked to Daniel, and Abby. Got in a fight with Abby over Adam, and her bf Kevin. Adam called me from jail when I was talking to Daniel. When I heard the recording say ' you have recieved a collect call from *adam* .. blah blah blah. MY heart started racing. I didn't know what I was going to talk to him about, or if he'd be mad at me or sumthing. He told me why he got arrested, said he wrote me a letter, wants me to write him, said i could go to his court thing to see what was going on if i wanted, I had already planned on going whether he liked it or not, he asked if i was mad at him, and stuff like that. and told me he loved me three times before we hung up. He said he was going to be locked up for 12 to 35 weeks or sumthin like that and a year or so in an institution in Eastern WA, or Oregon. I was talking to Nicoel about how I'm going to start bawling both when I see him come out in shackles and handcuffs, and when the judge sentences him. Nicole said she was going to start crying too cuz her damn baby is due in a week. I have to spend all next wednesday in Bham, cuz I have to catch the bus at 6:45 in the morning with Nicole, and his court hearing thing is at 8:45 am, and then have to chill all mother fucking day till my D+A class at 4 in the afternoon. Damn you know what, I'm goin home after that dammit. lol . thats horrible. anywaysDaniel keeps asking me out but I dont know what to say to him. I'm always going to be thinking about Adam, I'm always going to love him. It seems like I can't like anyone else the way I want to because of Adam. Feliciano called me today, and said he wants to get to know me because his cousin Jessica said that we'd be a good couple, so hes taking me to the movies tomorrow. Even though I know we aren't going to hook up. No way. Mike wants me to go hang out with him tomorrow. But its kinda weird bein alone with him so I don't think I'm going to. Abby called here and apologized.. well told my mom that at least. Like 10 mins after me and Abby got in a fight, Nicole called and said that Abby wanted her to bring her a cigarette, but then Nicole asked if I wanted to go on a walk to Jessi and Cassandra's with her. So I went up there, and we watched American Pie. Left at like 11:10, and talked to Nicole at the end of my driveway for like 10 mins. Now I'm goin to sleep ~ 12:28PM~
Friday, 23......................... Had a bad nights sleep again. Adam called at 9:30am, to just see how I was doing. I was sleeping so he said he'd call me latas when I was awake and i could talk to him. Fell back asleep and woke up at 1:15. Thought I was late cuz 1- i have a date with Feliciano, 2- Ditching him to go chill with Daniel for a lil bit. .... Missed the bus, and walked to Nicole's to use her phone. Saw Adam Humphrey on the way over there. Lol. good times. Um, Couldn't get a ride from Nicoles mom. So I walked up to the library and used my calling card and, my aunt wouldn't take me, cuz she was already at the mall, and Nana was heading the opposite direction. So I walked ho me, had a cigarette, and called Daniel, he said instead of going up to his house, he'd meet me at the parade tomorrow. I got off the phone with Feliciano after that, and my aunt called and said that yeah she would take me. So I sat around for a while , and she came and picked me up. On the way there my lil cousin Mikey tore the head off his plastic lizard, and swallowed it. lol. it was funny but he almost puked a bunch. Got there and walked around with my cousin cuz I didn't want to get stuck with a nasty mexi nugget. Saw a bunch of hot Mexi's, but when I tried to call his cell phone, it was off. So we decided to go to Sunset Square, and we saw Anger Managment. Got home, and Adam called like 6 times :-( I wanted to talk to him so much. Talked to Feliciano for a hella long time. Wrote Adam a letter, and went to sleep at like 2am.
Saturday, 24......................... Woke up at 5am, too cold. Woke up at 7:30am, Adam called. He said... "Woudl you wait 15-36 weeks for me?" I said yeah and he said "well will you go out with me?" i said i don't know and he said "but you would wait for me?" I say yes, and he asks me to call his mom and leave a message saying that if his mom doesn't bail him out she'll be paying 2500$ a month while hes in there. I do so and then go to sleep. His mom calls at 9:30am, and tells me that hes a dumbass, and must want to be locked up because ... get this... He was arrested and his mom bailed him out earlier this week for stealing and crashing 3 cars. ANd then he got arrested for the warrent, beating the hell of of sum guy, and having 2 joints on him. That pisses me off cuz he only told me about the joint, warrent, and fighting. If he wants me to go out with him I need the whole truth. But I think he's just asking me to be his so while hes gone i'm not pimpin myslef out. grr what the hell. Supposedly he was also going out with Sarah Keen, and they were up in juvy together. Dumb kids. Anways, If i get ahold of Daniel I'm going to that gay Ski 2 Sea parade. Woohoo. Every time I go past Juvy I just wish that somehow Adam would be walking out those doors. That would be the shit, but also I can become stressed out again. No good. okay so Daniel called me at like 12:15, and I caught the bus to meet him and his friend at the bus station at 12:45. Got to the station and couldn't find them. Walked around for like 45 minutes and the parade was over lol. So I walked around looking for a cigarette, and when we got by the the little Depot Service thing, I saw him and his friend. After we met up with them, we decided to walk to Daniel's house by Broadway Park * + the hospital*, chilled there for a lil bit, listened to music, and then Daneil was getting kinda perverted and horndogish, so we went to the bus stop, and David gave a hug and a kiss to Daniel's step sister Erin.blah blah blah. Talked to Nicole for a little while.her water broke so Baby anytime now :) Adam called me. I don't know why, but I've never felt so close to him. He told me that after he got off the phone with me, after me saying that after all thats happened , I'm still going to wait for him, he went to his cell and cried. and after he told me that , he was quiet for a while, he started crying. He told me that he knew he was stupid for not listening to me about 1. getting the car, 2. not staying with me so i could keep him out of trouble, and 3. drinking, cuz he wouldn't be there if he hadn't been drunk and shot the lil russian kid with a paintball gun. ALso that he was reading a book, and couldnt finish it because near the end of it, some guy had to leave his wife for months and months, and he started crying cuz it reminded him of our situation. He said he gets shit about crying from everyone, even the staff. He mentioned that the first time I actually used his nickname (Boo) when I said I loved him was this morning. And it meant alot to him. He said he wouldn't be able to call me until the day after tomorrow because hes been like stretchin it, callin me every day. Anyways after i got off the phone with him his mom called and said (hehe i wrote it down) Basically the worst thing she said was " i came up here to rent Adam a place, and to help him out, but he fucked up, he fucked up big time. Tell him hes cut off, hes on his own, best of luck paying child support, i'm not helping, i'm not bailing you out, and that his friends must not care about him because they let him get in this much trouble." So damn I must care about him because I diverted any bad situation with adam in it to sumthing else to keep him away from trouble , he is always telling me how i'm there more for him more than any of his ex's or him mom even. Anyways, After all this I talked to Feliciano for a lil bit, and then Nicole stopped by, and we walked up to Jessi's and watched sum cool druggie movie, kind of freaky though. And I went home at 10. woohoo. its 11:30 so goodnight ~~ Chandra came over, and we went out by the river and got drunk with Matt
Sunday, 25........................... walked around town all day, almost kicked chandra's ass, went to claire's , got drunk, puked, shit stolen from me, went and saw Nicole at the hospital went home fell asleep
Monday, 26................................ took topless pics of chandra for vampyrefreaks.com . got dressed, got flowers, picked up Steve and Daniel, went to the hospital and saw Nicole and her beautiful baby boy. 8lb's, 21 1/2 inches long, born 2:53am, has adam's long eyelashes. OMG, this is the cutest baby imaginable. I'm so proud of Nicole. after we took bunch of pictures, we walked to Daniel's house. Me and Steve were helly bored up in dan's room while him chandra and his bro were getting stoned. We walked to Broadway park for a lil bit, then back to Daniels, chandra was annoyed so we rolled out. Walked to Cornwall park walked the trials for a long time. Then walked up to the mall. It was closing so we walked for a long time looking for his uncle's house. got there and he wasn't home. decided to walk to his other friends house to call Mike to see what was up and if we could get a ride home. But when we were by the college he drove by and picked us up. Went home, ate a bunch, and went to sleep.
Tuesday, 27....................... supposed to meet Feliciano at the mall, and go to Mikes at 4. Adam called me this morning at 9am. He is mad at me.! Can u fucking believe it? He asked me why the hell I told his mom that he just wanted to be bailed out so he could run. Excuse me you bitch for liking your son. I can't believe her , shes the one that mentioned that he only wanted to run! Why the hell would I say that about someone I care about and don't want them to get in any more trouble. ? THat is fucked. He'll get over this I hope. I sent him a letter today with a bunch of pics of his baby, me, and drunken me. lol. ~~~ walked around with Chandra and Steve. smoked weed, played monopoly. woohoo. lol. waiting for Adam to call me, He better not be mad at me tomorrow. I'm going to his court thing. Leaving at 6:45 in the morning. Probably the last time I see him for the next 8 months but I have to go. I don't care if he even told me not to go because he hated my skank ass....... yeah i'd still go. Abby told me today that Steve likes me. lol. thats silly. I dont know if I'm going to sleep tonight or not... but whatever, tty ppl lataz
Wednesday, 28............. Woke up at 5am. Left at 6:40. Got to the Bham depot and walked to the courthouse. Walked around for like 45 minutes. Went and sat in the room for like 10 minutes next to this kewl sexy chica , think her name was like.... I donno, started with a C. but yeah, then I heard this key,and this guy walked out and behind him was Adam, and 3 other guys. He didn't see me, until the first guy said for them to sit in the first three seats. I got the biggest smile when I saw him. After like 5 minutes of us smiling at eachother and mouthing 'i love you' He was first one up, and woah damn, then his mom walked up and sat next to him. He started talking to his attorny and pointing at me, then he pointed me out to his mom. AH! He was up for like 5 minutes, then sat back down again. Started talking to the guy that led them out, and pointing at me a bunch. Adam is so gorgeous. He looks better than he did last time I saw him :) even though hes in juvy scrubs. lol. I love him so much. After the juvy ppl got called up, they had to go back to their cells :( and I almost started crying. After they called up the next dude I left, and started havin tears roll down my cheek. Went to the Bham depot, and waited 45 minutes. All the cute guys were smiling at me. lol. Went home, .... Its 11:50, andi just have to wait for 2:30 to roll around so I can go BACK into bellingham, for drug and alchy class. All I could think about while i was walking to the bus depot, waiting for the bus, and the ride home, .... was Adam. His smile was so cute. I wish I could have gotten a hug or a kiss. I really needed one. But then definetly I would freakin burst into tears. Ok I'm outie :) I miss him already :(
Thursday, 29..................... Woke up at like 1 I suppose. Cleaned up my room a bit, sent a letter to Adam. Did my makeup. And sat around watching tv till like 4. When I caught the bus up to Chandra's cuz David 'perv' was up there and she didn't want to be alone. Went out with him and Chandra so they could smoke a bowl. Got dropped off at Steves. Went and got a cigarette. Walked around , then went back up to Steves to play video games. their little brother kept dragging me around n Chandra was all 'God Mandi I told you you were good with kids, they all flock to you' it was great fun. I miss adam so much. I went home and ate, and right after that my dad went to bed and Adam called me. He told me that when he gets out hes gonna be all spiffed up to see me :) Hes gonna look great no matter what though. He kept telling me not to cry when I wasnt even crying. But him saying that made me so close to it. Mike told me that I wasn't going to last 8 months. But me and Adam already talked about it. He 'wants me' to date, and keep going on with my life, and if I have a bf when he gets out, not to dump the guy for Adam. But I told him, if I had a bf then, I wasn't going to tell him about it, I'd just break up with the guy and get my life started back up again with adam. He promised me on his son that he wouldn't get in fights, drink or smoke weed. I told him I didn't believe him, , for one reason being when we were still going out I told him if he drank , it was basically over between us, and he said, ok. But then got drunk, and wrecked his car, then lied about being drunk, and confessed to it after we broke up. and he said 'thats ok, you don't have to, i'm just telling you now so you know.". he said hes going to sleep with my picture i sent him, but it doesn't help cuz he can't put his arm around it withouht wrinkling it. Hurry up and get out baby. I miss you, and love you so much!
