June 29, 2003
      Hello, again. It's me. Is this annoying? Is this annoying? Is this annoying? Is this annoying? Is this annoying? Is this annoying?...Is this annoying? Nokay, I'm done with that. I just needed something to fill space up 'cause I don't really have much to update about. But what the heck, I'll just go ahead and make this somewhat brief for a change.
      Well, the band's still dormant, but I think I'm going to try to get something going this week or next because it's going to be July and I think that's when everyone's free. So I'll keep you informed if anything happens.
      On another note, the band is, in a way, preparing to get going. For instance, Mike's been playing with his other band, and Al Gore got a little exercise. What the hell am I talking about, you ask? Well, remember last week that I told you a little while back, my priest Father Ted was telling me about the first Wednesday Night Hangout for this year that a bunch of townies and me and whatnot always go to during the summers and that the first one was going to be at the old Costa's in Smethport on June 25th as a sort of a teen dance with bands for Sesquicenntenial week? Anyways, that's that show we couldn't play. But 3 bands showed up. One of them was Mike's band. I think they went with the name the Mika Sim's Band or something like that. I don't know if that's permanent or what. But that's what I meant when I said Mike played. And remember last week that I was telling you about how Al Gore got thrown in the trash. Well, I did a little searching on the internet and found the exact same mask. So I had to buy it. So Al Gore is now a permanent member of Different Situations for all eternity. Or until I lose the mask or it gets stupid or something. Anyways, Al arrived here on the 25th so he decided to get a little workout before DS gets going and decided to dance for Mike's band at the show. He was a big hit! People told me he made the show for Mike's band. He also did a little crowd teasing during Running Scared's set. But I'll just let him tell you more about that in the P.S.
      Well, I think that covers it for this time. I told you I didn't have much to say. I can be brief. When I want to. Anyways, I'll update again when something new happens. I'm just going to let the poll go for now. Keep voting, you know, I mean if you want to. Anyways, you know the drill. Until next time...

P.S.
      Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor! It's your pal Al here. So as Jason said before, I decided to dance for the show on the 25th to promote my favorite band, Different Situations. I handed out propagand...I mean "notes" to people to let them know about how cool I a...I mean about this site and Different Situations. I was a big hit I hear. I'm always awesome at dancing, but I was a little out of shape for that one. But I've been working out and making some readjustments so when DS goes on tour I'll be ready to go. I was especially great with the ladies. I even signed one girl's arm. And I danced with everyone. I think I even got a date with a 12-year-old that wanted me to smoke pot with her. But not to fear. I took Bill's advice, and I didn't inhale. Well, keep an eye out for me at the shows and stuff, friendidily endilies. Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor!
      Wow, I wish that I was as cool as Al Gore, Farmer...yea, but he's not as cool as I am...I do not know about that, Farmer...Mexicani, don't make me kick yer ass agin...okay, as long as you do not make me kick yours...fair enuff. So as ya alriddy know, our poll didn't do much good...yes, and that is why we are here again to ask more staff members...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
      Hockey? What de hell is dat? I don't know about dat either, mate. We don't have that there where I come from. I'm from Australia, mate. I'm just a veternairian. Me and me mate, Nine Finger Johnson. We got lots of dem stories to tell. But nothing about no hockey, mate. Like one time, we had a domestic disturbance call about some Kuwalas. And we get that kind of stuff all the time, mate. Pet Kuwalas goin' mean on their owners. Now, that's a particularly sticky situation 'cause those Kuwalas love to scratch people up. It threw me through a window and gave me this scar. I was knocked out for a while. But what happened to Nine Finger Johnson, well that's another story entirely, mate...
      They don't have hockey down in Australia?...so that is good. We might be getting closer to what it is...right, we know dat it ain't no thing Australians have...right, Farmer. Well, let us ask someone else and maybe we can finally figure it out...yea...
      Oi, like me mate, Ugly Bastard Jones, said before, we don't have hockey down in the Land Down Under. Ya wanna know why dey call it de Land Down Under? It's always 'cause we're always down under the kangaroos. Yeah, me and me mate, Ugly Bastard Jones, we get all kinds of calls to neuter kangaroos. Now, dem kangaroos, dey kick a lot. So when we go down under to "snippidy snip" we usually get kicked in the face. That's why Ugly Bastard Jones is so goddamn ugly, mate. Now me, they call me Nine Finger Johnson 'cause I got one of my fingers bit off when I was pulling a bad tooth on a croc. There was blood and stuff everywhere. Then the damn thing rammed head first into me, and I was knocked out for hours. Now, what happened to Ugly Bastard, that's another story entirely, mate...
      Mexicani, ya idiot! You ast Nine Finger Johnson....yeah, so?...So he's from Australia too, ya dumbass. He won't know wat hockey is edder...oh, I am sorry, Farmer...yer askin' fur it, Mexicani. Don't screw up agin today or yer gonna get a beatin'...fine. Let us ask one more...
      Hi, boys. How're you doing this week? Looks like you're doing fine. I'm doing fine too. They pumped me with happy drugs. Ha, ha, ha! You want to know what hockey is. Hockey is BAD! NO! IT'S WEARING OFF! WHERE'S MY PILL!?!?! PPPPPIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
      Gol dern it! Dat's it, Mexicani! I'm gonna beat yer ass!...Farmer, I did not do that. He answers the last one every week...Grr! Yer lucky, Mexicani. I felt like beatin' ya too...Do not even try, Farmer. I am tired of all your shit...save it. We really gotta talk ta de boss agin about him answerin' last...yes, but for now, we have to leave and ask if anyone out there knows...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
(From the ever-growing DS Staff Members: Jason, Al, Little Timmy, Old Man, Grandma, Dubois, Insane Man from North Warren, Mr. Hand, Steve Gimpson, Reverend Joe, Cock-Eyed the Pirate, Buddy Lee, Apeman, the Mexican and the Farmer, Ralph Wigum, Dick Jizzum, Harry Pothead, Dr. Weng Wonge, Coolman and Tim, Mr. Antiques, the Stressed Men, Ugly Bastard Jones, Nine Finger Johnson, Captain Dameninski, Lieutenant Burtov, Hotler and Stilin, Nippy Spanyolia, F and Q, Swish from Sweden, Chunky Monkey, News from the Source, Possessed Boy, and the Dink Dinks)

June 17, 2003
      Well, well, well. Long time, no update. It's been a month since I've updated this damn thing, and you probably don't care anymore. But I finally had just a little bit of band news to update you on so I figured it was about time. I have a number of topics to cover so I think I'll just get right to it.
      Well, a little while back, my priest Father Ted was telling me about the first Wednesday Night Hangout for this year that a bunch of townies and me and whatnot always go to during the summers. So the first one was going to be at the old Costa's in Smethport as a sort of a teen dance for Susquacentenial week or however you spell it. But he also wanted a couple bands to play there too. So he asked me. I figured that this is what we needed to get motivated to get something going. Well, it sorta worked. Or maybe half worked is more like it. See, I called Holly up to see if we could get some practices under our belt. And she called me back and told me that she was booked all the way up to the 25th of this month (when the show is). But she hooked me up with Matt Morgan (his number and all) because that's who she found to play bass temporarily for us. He recently broke up from his band and had a place for us to practice in Kane. He also has a former bandmate that was interested in doing something like this I guess. His name is Frank, and he sings and plays guitar (could fill that "2nd Guitarist" spot in the Bios section). So about a couple days went by after that, and I was trying to set up a practice because Mike (who's other band is playing at that show) called me to tell me that Father Ted needed to know by a certain date of who was playing or not. Anyways, I called Matt, and he told me that he couldn't do it because he works during the week anyways and stuff like that. But he also told me that he'd be more free during July and to call Frank about the place to practice. Well, I called Frank, but he was in Pittsburgh. So we were screwed for the show being that 3 possible or permanent members were out. (By the way, still check out the show. I'll be there, and I hear 3 bands are playing at least, being Running Scared, Mike's band, and some band I forget the name with like Cody Housler, Bill Null, Danny Lawrence, and somebody else I think.) So I called up Mike and Dwayne and we decided to jam at Mike's place. During which time, it was obvious that I'd probably need to work with the drummers a lot more before we really get going. Anyways, Holly and I had a brilliant idea in the end sorta. We've decided to keep both Dwayne and Mike for drums and rotate them or have each learn half or have them both play for a couple songs or something. Neat, huh? Well, if you know how to do math (another words, you didn't go to Smethport High School), you should have added up 6, count them, 6 members possibly for Different Situations. That's Mike, Dwayne, Holly, Matt, Frank, and yours truly, Jason. That's more members than Bad Religion. I don't know if it'll stay that way or what, but I'll let you know if anything changes. And I'll try to update things like Bios and History and Pictures and whatnot if I can, but it'll take me a while to get some of those things. Right now, I think we're just gonna try to get going with practices (at least some of us) and when we're working like a real band, then I'll probably do all that updating. For now, just stay tuned. We'll probably really get going in July. By the way, I think I missed a member. The infamous Al Gore would make 7, but I heard from my friend, who had the mask, that his mom threw it out. But not to fear. Al Gore may in fact return very soon. Who knew that Al Gore only costs $17.95 on a certain internet site? So look out soon for more of our pal. He may soon return.
      I said last time that I had an idea for the new poll, but it sucked. I was thinking of a poll that went something like "How can I add more cheese and porn to this site?" because the one poll concluded that to lure more people to this site I'll need to put some porn and cheese on this site. But instead I went with something somewhat cooler for the new poll. Check it out! And if you want to let me know "How I can add more cheese and porn to this site" just leave me a message on the messageboard. Thanks! I was thinking of making a cartoon or a nude picture of either Nurse Satan, me, or Al Gore with cheese or a woman doing "weird" stuff with cheese or a new DS symbol with both porn and cheese in it. But I don't know. Anyways, The Mexican and the Farmer were really excited about the last poll. So maybe they know now "What's hockey?" This is what you told them. Out of the six votes, the number one vote getter was "A German word" with 2 (33%) of the votes. Hmm, I was not aware of that. "Shut up, ya stupid Mexicani," "You shut up, Farmer," "I don't know," and "Who cares?" all got 1 (16%) of the votes each. I'm pretty sure that three of those votes were just the Mexican and Farmer arguing between each other, though. So it's definitely not the other choices that didn't get any of the votes, which were "A sexual act," "Sticks and phucks?," "A sport played on ice," "A type of country music," and "Something Millencolin likes." Great job, guys! Keep up the good voting!
      Anyways, I added some Rufio banners all over the site for their new CD that's coming out today. Check it out! I got mine already because I was one of the first 1,000 to preorder it so I got a free pin with it. (Not as cool as the last preorder deal where you could get autographed copies of their EP, but it's still cool.) Anyways, that sucked for one of the pages 'cause the internet was being stupid or something. I don't know. If you want to search that out and find where it messed up, suit yourself, but it's not worth the time really.
      Well, I think that covers it for now. I think. I don't know. I'll update again when something new happens. I don't know if I'll keep up with the polls, but I'll try. Keep voting 'cause it's fun when you're bored. Anyways, you know the drill. Until next time...

P.S.
      Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor! It's your pal Al here. So as you probably heard, I've been spending some time here in the trash, and I've decided that I'll stick to my "save the environment" ways because it's really poopy around here, friendidly endilies. If there wasn't so much trash around me now, I'd be having a punkley dunkley time, but it's not so great when I'm in the trash. So I hope Jason saves me soon and buys me on the internet for $17.95. By the way, did you know I invented the internet. That's right. Anyways, it sucks in the trash. Almost as much as losing (not really) the presidential election to a fucking idiot. So hopefully, I'll be back on my feet again and spreading my propaganda for my next political move at the soon coming Different Situations shows. Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor!
      Hey, dere again. It's de Farmer and Mexican ere....Yes, and we are glad that we finally got our poll up...Yep, he was right 'cause three of dose votes were us and de udder one was for "Who cares?...so that means that the real answer must be "A German word." Alright, but if it is a German word, what does it mean?...uh, yea, ya got a point dere, Mexicani...ah, man. We are still confused. We still do not really know what hockey is....ya know wat dat means, Mexicani...yes, Farmer, we must go back to asking more staff members...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
      Hockey, yes, well hockey dates back to the third century A.D. when the Russians learned lacrosse from Native Americans. They took it back to their country and put it on ice to form hockey. This piece is worth anywhere between 5 bucks and 75 bucks depending on who's playing and the circumstances. Watch out for this piece because it, it tends to send pucks, which are these little hard rubbery thingies, flying in the air. And if you were hit by one, you you may in fact be injured pricing anywhere between 10 dollars and like 1,000 dollars.
      What de hell was dat?...I do not know, Farmer, but it sounds like hockey is very valuable according to Mr. Antiques....yea? Well, maybe we should git us one of dem hockeys, huh?...I do not know, Farmer. I do not even know what it is or what it looks like yet. Let us ask someone else to be sure...yea...
      Hockey? What the hell kind of question is that at a time like this? My wife just left me, my dog died, and I have a report due tomorrow! What's hockey?!?! Eeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... *BOOM!* .....Man, what was that guy's problem? What? Are you asking me that stupid question again. IfIknewwhathockeywas don'tyouthinkI'dhavetoldyoubynow!!! God,IhateyoustupidMexicanandFarmer alwaysaskingdumbquestionsabouthockey. Whydon'tyouasksomeoneelsethatknows..... Hmph. Knew you'd listen to reason.
      Man, I do not think we should ask the Stressed Men what hockey is again, Farmer...I think you are right dere, Mexicani. The one's head always blows up 'fore we cin git an answer outta 'im. And I can't understand dat udder one 'cause he always talks too fast...right, Farmer. Well, now we are even more confused. Let us ask one more...
      Ha, ha, ha! Didn't I tell you they wouldn't really tell you what hockey is?!? You never listen to me, and I'm always right. Ha, ha, ha! These padded walls can't hold me forever. And then I will rule the world with my extremely powerful brain!!! Ha, ha, ha!!! WHERE'S MY PILL!?!?! PIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!
      What de heck? I thought you ast de boss ta stop lettin' Insane Man from North Warren answer our questions...No, Farmer, I thought you did that...You stupid, Mexicani! I told ya ta do it...No, you did not, Farmer. I told you to do it!...That's it, ya stupid Mexicani! I'm gonna kick yer ass!...Just try me, Farmer! But first, since we did not really get an answer yet, we should leave it off with the question...oh yeah, so what we wanna know from all of ya is...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
(From the ever-growing DS Staff Members: Jason, Al, Little Timmy, Old Man, Grandma, Dubois, Insane Man from North Warren, Mr. Hand, Steve Gimpson, Reverend Joe, Cock-Eyed the Pirate, Buddy Lee, Apeman, the Mexican and the Farmer, Ralph Wigum, Dick Jizzum, Harry Pothead, Dr. Weng Wonge, Coolman and Tim, Mr. Antiques, the Stressed Men, Ugly Bastard Jones, Nine Finger Johnson, Captain Dameninski, Lieutenant Burtov, Hotler and Stilin, Nippy Spanyolia, F and Q, Swish from Sweden, Chunky Monkey, News from the Source, Possessed Boy, and the Dink Dinks)