July 28, 2003
      Hello once again, everybody. Well, Saturday I went to a Freeburg family reunion. My mom is a Freeburg, and she and my Uncle Carl were talking about something they like to call the Freeburg luck. Basically, the Freeburg luck is Murphy's Law. It's really bad luck. For instance, my mother goes into the shortest line in a grocery store and ends up there for hours because of price checks and unexpected things that occur like that due to the luck. Or my Uncle Carl perhaps gets pulled over for doing 45 mph at the end of a 35 mph zone heading into a 45 mph zone, while three cars ahead of him were doing 55 mph at the same spot. Those are examples of what I mean by the Freeburg luck. And I think I have it too when it comes to any band I'm in I guess. I'll let you know about that here in the update. It's been a while so I have a few things to update you on. Let's get to it.
      Well, first of all, I should explain who Different Situations really is now. I talked to Holly a while back, and she was the one that hooked us up with Frank and Matt. Well, Frank and Matt started some other band while DS was still doing nothing. So she talked to them and told me that Matt wasn't really interested in playing for us anymore. I sorta got that from talking to him. And she said Frank didn't know whether he was coming or going. So those two are out, which should leave our band fucked, right? Not so. Dwayne and Holly still seem pretty interested in playing for us. So I think Dwayne'll still be in on drums, and Holly's still in on vocals as of this moment. Maybe she'll get around to playing bass one day. That would be great 'cause I NEED a second guitarist (You'll hear more about that later in the update), and I have someone in mind that actually is playing bass at the moment. So maybe that will work out in the future. Right now, Holly's out at least until early or mid August, which is okay for right now. So that leaves me, Holly, Dwayne. A trio, right? Won't quite work if Holly can't play bass yet along with the fact that I NEED a second guitarist. Well, I told you about Mike Zickefoose having a band, right? Well, his bassist Casey Roberts might be able to side project along with Mike, and that would give us a bassist and that second drummer again. So that would make it me, Holly, Dwayne, Mike, and Casey. And don't forget Al Gore. So that should update you on what the new Different Situations should look like members wise. Which brings us to the last poll I had up.
      Alright, I don't know what I'm gonna do for the new poll as I'm writing this, but I'll make one up arbitrarily (big word, probably spelled wrong) that should now be posted. So check it out!!! As for the last poll, it asked "Who's your favorite DS member?" That might have been a repeat, but I tried it again with the so called "new members." Out of the 7 total votes, the winner was "Mike" with 5 (71%) of the votes. I would just like to thank Mike for visiting the site so many times to vote for himself. Ha, ha, ha! I don't know. It might not have been all him. Anyways, there was a tie for second with "Holly" receiving 1 (14%) of the votes and "I like them all." with 1 (14%) of the votes. Too bad that the person that voted for "I like them all." was voting for Matt and Frank too, who are now out. But hey, Holly's still there. :D So the ones that received no votes were "Dwayne," "Matt" and "Frank" (who both deserved no votes in the first place), "Jason," "Al Gore," "I hate them all.," and "I don't really care." So there you go. Too bad that this poll didn't really cover the current members.
      So this brings me to more of Mike and Casey. Between about July 11 and 14, Different Situations was looking like bullshit for the summer, being that I failed to get everyone together again for another practice that weekend or the one before. And it was around that time that Holly told me about Frank and Matt being out. Well, that weekend, I talked to Casey over the phone. It seems that his and Mike's band were sorta fucked for this show on July 26th (changed later to July 25th). They agreed to play a show then but later found out that their guitarist Seth wasn't going to be around that weekend to play. So Casey and Mike thought they could teach me their songs, and I'd fill in for Seth. As the idea developed, they were going to do a split venture with Mike's band (still nameless) and Different Situations. They were going to teach me half a set list of their songs, and I was going to teach them half a set list of Different Situations songs. Well, the Freeburg luck kicked in again because they never got around to teaching me their songs so we decided to do an entire set list of Different Situations songs as DIFFERENT SITUATIONS!!! That's right. We had a show for you people that were unfortunate enough not to hear. (Or maybe it was fortunate.) Anyways, the Freeburg luck came into play big time for this semi-debut of Different Situations. Because of work for both Mike and I, family in the hospital, swim meets for Mike, the crazy storm on Monday that knocked out the power at my house from 3 on Monday to 8 at night on Wednesday, and so on, we only got to practice all together as a band three times before the show on the 25th, along with one practice with only Mike and I. And two of the practices were the week before the show, and the one was on the day of the show. Still, we felt pretty confident about playing. We were pretty excited. Mike and Casey have only played a couple shows so far, and this was my first in a real long time with a band. So we were all about playing. Well, the show was called Ted-Fest in honor of our super cool priest Father Ted. Father Ted sets up these non-affiliated hangouts at the church every Wednesday night during the summer from 7 to 10:30 in Smethport. And all sorts of kids come and hangout and play euchre and frisbee and all sorts of things 'cause there's not much to do on a Wednesday night in Smethport (or basically anywhere for that matter). So the proceeds from Ted-Fest were going to benefit the hangout. Ralph Brooks from Zero Point One set it up 'cause, as we all discovered, the Old Costa's in Smethport is a really cool place to play. So the bands for the show were (in this order): Different Situations, Running Scared, Red Shift (formerly and now again Heavy Depth Perception), Zero Point One, and Division 48. As you noticed, besides our pals Running Scared, we were the only punk band at the show. And the songs I had us learn were all pop-punk-ish because that's what Casey and Mike chose. The rest of the bands were hardcore. Well, it's the Freeburg luck again. Pop-punk to a hardcore crowd isn't exactly a happy scene. So most of the people watching us were more interested in eating shit if it was that or listening to us. And to add on top of that, we had some technical difficulties. Remember how I said I NEED a second guitarist? Well, the thing is is that most of my songs only sound really good with two guitars. So I have this Loop Station that records guitar parts and vocals and loops it if need be. Well, when you record it, you can't change the tempo or anything. So if we speed up or slow down at all at the shows, then we're fucked. So that means Mike needs to hear my amp so he can stay in tempo. Well, Mike couldn't hear shit because the amp I was using was a smaller one that was mic-ed. But the speakers were way in front of Mike, and the amp wasn't right next to him so he could hear it. So he had to guess most of the show. And he guessed wrong a bunch of times. Not his fault. Just that Freeburg luck again. And apparently, you couldn't hear my vocals. I don't know if that had to do with the sound guy, which was Ralph, or me or that they were unfamiliar with my vocals or the mic I was using or what, but I was told you couldn't hear them. Freeburg luck, and inexperience on our part as a band I guess. And talk about Freeburg luck, Casey had some problems with his bass so he decided to use our friend Greg Pierotti's bass (a.k.a. Sponge Bob). The problem with Sponge Bob is that it has a nine volt battery inside of it, and during the show, the battery was dying. So Casey was fucked there I guess. And one last incident of Freeburg luck. Al Gore must have had a cold or something because he totally sucked at that show. He didn't get the fans into it or do his dances or anything. He just seemed to run out of steam. But I'll let him tell you about that in the P.S. Anyways, so we basically had real bad luck and semi-sucked, but look at the bright side, it wasn't bad for three practices, right? Anyways, we'll get 'em next time. With Wasting Time, it was always a super awesome show followed by the worst show ever and repeat. I have a feeling that it may work that way with us too. But maybe not. We might just have to get our feet under us first. Anyways, I'd like to thank all the bands at Ted-Fest. They rocked, and we did not. Running Scared was as good as always. Red Shift or I mean HDP was realy cool 'cause they even ask the crowd to give it up for our band. What were they smoking? :D No, that was really cool of them. Zero Point One kicked it! They even had our good buddy Father Ted in the mosh pit. How wrong is that? And of course, Ralph is really cool 'cause none of it would have happened without him. By the way, they have ex-Frazzle guitarist Nick Freer. And if Nick was smart, he'd never admit that he was ever in a band named Frazzle. Ah, crap. I keep forgetting that Fr---le is vulgarity. You CANNOT use that word. Anyways, and Division 48 were super cool, all the way from Salamanca. Ha, ha, ha! I loved their one sound guy 'cause he reminded me of Fat Mike from NOFX so much! He was awesome! So I'm the envy of all my friends because I played Ted-Fest! It was awesome, and thanks to all the bands that put up with us sucking. And sorry I didn't advertise the show on the site beforehand, but the power was out and then I was at Mike's practicing so I couldn't have done it. It was impossible. I think that's it for the show. Oh yeah, our set list went as such: 1. Love Is Dead 2. I Wanna Screw a Sheep in the Butt 3. Will to Live 4. Bye Bye Heather 5. Penis (It's About Vaginas) 6. The Straight Song 7. Fa Cough 8. Catch Her in the Rye. Thanks for anybody that came out to see us! I hope you didn't hate it too bad. And maybe we'll be playing again sometime soon. I'm working on a song that will be a masterpiece. Mike and Casey absolutely love it. It's called "One Sided Love," and it's dedicated to my friend Elise Morrison. Oh fuck, I forgot. It's Elise Elderkin now. Sorry. Anyways, maybe you'll get to hear it sometime. It's about a quarter of the way done. The problem with a masterpiece is that you can't rush it. I'm sorta at a point in the song where I'm stuck. So if I rush it, it'll sound like shit from there on. So I'm gonna wait it out until it comes to me. And then VOILA!!! Most of you kids, but mostly the musicians or composers out there, should like it.
      Well, I think I caught everyone up to date. I think. If I forgot anything, I'll paste it on here with the next update, whenever that may be. If you have any questions or anything, drop me an email or leave me something on the messageboard. And if you saw us on Friday and thought we sucked ass, please leave a bunch of those messages on the messageboard. I ALWAYS love to hear how much we suck and how much we "fuck our mothers" or whatever you crazy kids come up with. I always love to hear new and creative things. So yeah. Anyways, I'll update again when something new happens, and I'll update stuff like history and bios and pictures and stuff when I know for sure what the make-up of the band members is actually going to be and stuff. Keep voting! (Oh, I just thought of the poll I'm gonna use! Yes, this one should be fun.) Anyways, you know the drill. Until next time...

P.S.
      Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor! It's your pal Al here. Jason told you about my cold, right? I sucked ass at Ted-Fest. My God, did I suck! I didn't even get to hand out all of my propag...um, "notes" this time. I wasn't even in the mood to dance. I just kinda stood there and played with my testicles 'cause it made me feel better. I did so much better one month ago at the same place. I can't believe that those shows were exactly a month apart. Anyways, I kicked ass at the one a month ago, but my favorite band Different Situations wasn't even playing. So that sucks!!! Hopefully, I'll do a lot better next DS show, friendidily endilies. I guess I should have done more getting in shape 'cause I made those readjustments, but I sucked more then. I guess I should cut back on the potato chips and beard growing and do like my old friend Bill did and get in shape by jogging from McDonald's to McDonald's and having lots of sex with interns or something. I was so sick that night last show that when Pat from Running Scared was talking about how I invented the internet, I was outside puking my guts out. I decided to bite the bull that bit me and just go home and get drunk. Again. I guess that's not a good idea before the shows. I should have listen to Jason's warning about some Dessert Theatre Show that was some sorta treat, but I was too drunk so all I heard was blah blah blah, bring on the booze. Anyways, we just need to work on a few things before next show. It'll work out okay next time I hope. Punkley Dunkley, Neighbor!
      Yeah, Farmer. Al Gore and the band sucked at the show on Friday...how de ya know, Mexicani? Ya wernt even dere...yes, Farmer. But it is not Mexican music so it sucks...ye idiot! Yer gonna git us fired. And country is a lot better dan dat stupid Mexicani crap...oh, that is it, Farmer! I am going to seek comfort from the donkey! You can do this P.S. by yourself. You see how you like it!!!...fine. I don't need ya to figure out...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
      Hail to the Ruskis! The Ruskis are your friendskis! I am Captain Dameninski. You pathetic rural American. The Russians invented hockey. We will tell you what our beloved invention is in exchange for American secrets. Or better yet, you deliver us a blueprint of the Pentagon. Yes. Or better yet, you take me to your leaders. I will not harm them because the Ruskis are your friendskis. What do you say?
      Uh, dat sounds good dat you cin tell me what hockey is, but I don't wanna do none of dose things because I hate de Communists. I think I'm a gonna ast someone else dat might know...
      The Ruskis are your friendskis! This is Lieutenant Burtov. Second in command to Captain Dameninski. I can tell you what you want to know. It seems like you are a hard bargainer, shall we say. I know how to deal with hard bargainers. Dose Vadania, bveetch! Ha, ha, ha! I kid. Maybe. You will tell us what we want to know. Here, we give you small information on hockey in good faith, then you give us what we want, huh? Okay, hockey involves people. There, we held up our end, so you tell us now. No? We have ways to break you. Ha, ha, ha! I kid again. Not really. So how about we throw in some vodka? That will change your mind, ah?
      Dat sure did change my mind. I'm a taking what I know alriddy and gitting outta ere. Vodka? It's all beer for me. The Mexicani likes to perswade me wit dat dere Tequilla o' his, but I don't fall for none of dat crap. See dere, I found out a lot more about dat dere hockey wit out dat dumb Mexicani. I'm better off wit out 'im. Although, I sure do miss 'im...
      Aaaahhhh, Farmer. I heard that. YOU FUCKING GAY SON OF A BITCH!!! I KNEW YOU TWO BASTARDS WERE FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE DAMN ASS EACH TIME YOU DID THIS SHIT!!! YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME!!! YOU MAY FOOL THE OTHERS, BUT NOT ME!!! AND THAT PINK RABBIT, PURPLE WALRUS, AND BLUE PENIS BETTER STOP STARING AT ME OR I SWEAR I'M GONNA FREAKIN' KILL THEM!!! NURSE!!! NURSE!!! WHERE'S MY PILL!?!?!?! PPPPPIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
      Gol dern it! Dat damn Insane Man from North Warren was back agin. Man, if de Mexicani was ere, we'd laugh about dat like we always do. And talk about how we need ta git de boss to fix dat...Farmer?...Mexicani!!!...I cannot stay mad at you...I know, Mexicani. I missed ya...what did we find out?...just dat hockey involves people...Wow, Farmer! We are really on to something now!...yea, but it just wernt de same wit out ya...I know, Farmer. And having sex with the donkey was not the same without you yelling at me in the background...ah! You stupid Mexicani! I told you to stop having sex wit dat donkey...oh, you better not start with me, Farmer!...we'll settle dis later. As fur now, we have ta end wit our favorite part...ah, yes. We want to know if anybody out there can tell us...WHAT'S HOCKEY?
(From the ever-growing DS Staff Members: Jason, Al, Little Timmy, Old Man, Grandma, Dubois, Insane Man from North Warren, Mr. Hand, Steve Gimpson, Reverend Joe, Cock-Eyed the Pirate, Buddy Lee, Apeman, the Mexican and the Farmer, Ralph Wigum, Dick Jizzum, Harry Pothead, Dr. Weng Wonge, Coolman and Tim, Mr. Antiques, the Stressed Men, Ugly Bastard Jones, Nine Finger Johnson, Captain Dameninski, Lieutenant Burtov, Hotler and Stilin, Nippy Spanyolia, F and Q, Swish from Sweden, Chunky Monkey, News from the Source, Possessed Boy, and the Dink Dinks)