121301

Hey, I know i havent written in a long time but I wanted to say hey to all you people out there! I g2g i will write more when i come back from school.
OK im back. so today was cool, except that when i got home my sister had used my really good really EXPENSIVE perfume and now im steaming mad! I hate her i hate her i hater her i hate her! eeeeerrrrrrggggg! anyway, I have a crush! i have a crush! and im not telling, well since i have like no chance in hell with him anyway, i will tell u cuz everyone knows already! Alright stop yelling at me! hehe..Grayson. I know right? He will pobably know when i go to the chorus concert tonight cuz prob. one of his friends will accidently stumble upon here and see this and call him up and say hey grayson, guess what loser likes you! and he will say me and grayson will laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and whipe the tears from his eyes from laughing so hard and come up to me and say, "eww u like me? omg! u r such a loser and im waaaaaayyyyyy too good for you! that is exactly what he will say. thats what the rest say. WEll not in those words but they are something like, "I want us to be friends, I dont know u well enough, uh I dont date, " they are all a bunch of crap! I hate guys! i guess the world thinks i am not worthy of a boyfriend or to be loved. You know, Im in such a make out mood. i know i sound slutty but not being kissed or sum1 telling you they love you in a year will make you that way. im serious, right now, I probably would consider anyone! Just like in the movies, if someone asked me i would say hell ya! But since i am uderly disgusting to the opposite sex, I guess im gonna have to kiss myself and tell me that i love me because I wanna make out and no one will make out with me!!!!!!!! I am so sad! PLease sum1 make out with me! eek! Sorry got a little carried away. oh ya, ive decided to go to scotland in the summer two years from now. I have about ten dollars so far and i found a quarter today! hooray! Im going to Glasgow, scotland and im gonna meet sean biggerstaff!!! i love him he is so freaking hot! woowoo! baby! but i might run away there. anne is coming with me but i might never come back! i will write kate every day and call her long distance because she is the only one who will miss me if i leave! because everyone in school hates me. seriously, im not joking. corey parker was asking everyone in the hall if they had a pencil and he turned to me and then said nevermind and walked away! what the hell did i do to all these people? I dont hate anyone, im always as sweet as i possibly can be and i think im nice. All my friends say im this awsome person to be around but why dosent anyone else see that? Anywayz, im goin to scotland and running away. i havent told anne, but im going to scotland and im never coming back! im going to pack up my clothes when i get enough money to eat and get a plane ticket Hopefully, I will have a thousand dollars and that will be enough top get me on my feet for a while.
I hate this place. its too hot and i want to leave. i cant wait for college. Its not soon enough to im transfering to scotland. no one knows except you diary and anne will help me get set up before she leaves to come back home. of course i joke with my friends saying i will marry sean and when he sees me he will fall madly in love, but what am i kidding, if i cant get the love of Bobby (last year long story but to summerize it-three month crush, bobby, said he wanted to be friends, broke my heart, went suicidal, hate the world now and he hasnt spoken to me in two weeks)then how am i gonna get sean? thats pretty much it and he passes me in the hall everyday without saying a word, i dont know if hes mad or what but im moving to scotland and i dont care, dad told us we might move to NY but we never did, unfortunitly, I wanted to leave so bad. I hate it here. Mostly because of Bobby. It would help if he wasnt so damn popular now. I claimed him 1st! i was friends with him before all these popular people and now they have stole him! I dont care they can have him! His stupid, sparkiling eyes and dazing smile, his stupid way he can make me laugh and the worst part of how everyone talks about him, the little slut! Im not going there seeing how i am the good person here and speak to all my friends! thats more then i can say 4 him. anywayz, ill write more i have to go change for the chorus concert. be right back!
Ok i just got back! He Knows! OMG! ok i was sitting in the house (audience) waiting for everyone to show up and was talking to Lydia, well, if you know me i kinda stare into space sometimes and my eyes wonder without my knowledge of where i am glancing. So im kinda listening and spacing when i see motion in front of my eyes. I was totally staring at him! And he was waving at me! so i kinda smiled and waved back and started to talk to Lydia again. He knows he knows he knows he knows! So now im going to have to face him tomorrow and hes not gonna ask me out because I have no luck whatsoever with the opposite sex. I havent had that many boyfriends and Im only friends with one of them! Kind of friends. well ya friends. I HATE THE WORLD! he isnt going to ask me out! because the world has deprived me from love and I have the chorus field trip tomorrow and I can see us holding hands and him speaking to me and I kinda have backwords ESP where if i can see something it wont come true and if say something is going to happen, it wont. Its really weird but its totally true. Long story but i can see us holding hands and him asking me out so i know that he wont! Im so sad! eerrrrg!