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I suppose I'm one of the few people out there that can say I have a wonderful friendship with my ex! It took years, a lot of sadness, and most importantly, having a relationship with God to get to this point.
Justin was my first love; we dated for 3.5 years. After we graduated, he decided that he wanted to pursue a career in wrestling (laugh now, I did, but now he's doing quite well at it!). I was also much too possessive with him. I literally made him my God, since I wasn't saved at the time.
It took us over three years to have the great friendship we do now. In this time, I became saved, and saw that I was using relationships as a crutch. Chances are, if you break up, God saw that there was something amiss. If the two people in the relationship can't be focused on Him first, He'll make you single so you can reflect on your duty to Him. Did I ever have reflecting time! It wasn't the best time of my life, but in the long run, it was so worthwhile.
Over this time, I saw that Justin and I made great friends, but weren't compatible as a couple. We have different beliefs when it comes to God and relationships. However, we had a great history and many things in common, so we forged a friendship. I decided that I just want him in my life, regardless if initially it wasn't the way that I wanted it to be.
Now if we hadn't broke up, I bet I wouldn't have been saved. I wouldn't have met Craig, and fell in love with a man that has everything I've ever desired.
I've heard over and over that you shouldn't be in a relationship unless you are "courting." Courting differs from dating in that it involves a much bigger commitment. If you're "courting" you are intending to marry that person, and you're taking the courtship period to further determine your compatibility. I totally agree with this now. If more people took this route, I think a lot of friendships would last, and a lot of broken hearts would be avoided.
If you want to have a friendship, you have to gradually let go of your romantic feelings. This is very hard-- especially if one progresses into another relationship before the other. It's just going to take time, but God will be there to help you cope! He'll also bring you the perfect person, when the time is right.
After all the years of sadness, Justin and I are both involved in great relationships-- with other people. We talk on the phone and email all the time, and yap about the people we love. I never expected things to be this way, but I am so glad that they are.
God bless!
Kristen
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