Close Your Eyes Darling Death (Dissolve) By Cyrelia **Can you see me going down?** The sunlight streaming through the windows in small slits as they passed through the blinds slowly forces Trowa to blink his eyes open. He shakes his head clearing out the cobwebs from the night before looking around. /This... is reality. I think.../ He holds his hand up looking at it, making a study of every line, noting its opacity. He brings it down hard on the nightstand next to him not even wincing as a small wave of pain its him. Trowa sighs /I'm alive again.../ His eyes stings and he doesn't understand why. A palm raised to is face and he feels the wetness. /Tears? I don't cry... I don't understand./ He thinks back, recalling vivid images of the night before. /A dream...I see now/ He rises unsteadily swaying trying to regain his balance. /Quatre, I think sometimes I could hate you.../ He rubs at his eyes violently in denial of his body's reaction. A small flash blurs his vision. Looking ahead the room seems darker and more hateful. /They're closing in on me...the walls...Quatre... why are you?.../ As if his thoughts have been read the blond now across the room smiles walking towards him. Though his lips curve up at either end in what would seem a gesture of amusement it is somehow menacing. /Your eyes... I can't seem to.../ A pale hand lashes out catching him across the face the sheer force of it snapping his head to one side. He looks up abruptly eyes widening in shock "Quatre?..." /That smile again.../ CRACK /Another blow.../ A hand reaching out pushing him away again. /Another false kindness.../ Trowa crumples to the floor in a heap. /Do I?... Do I dare?../ He reaches out, long slender fingers tentatively grasping a finely knit pant leg. Quatre kicks him off and walks away without flinching, or a turn of even the slightest acknowledgement./I'm dead again/ A soft caress on his face. /Are you real?../ A hesitant pondering before he looks up "Duo?" Violet eyes meet his staring back smiling though it appears forced and drops off into a look of idle dispassion. "The door was unlocked so I..." "You weren't invited." "You wouldn't let me inside." "Where's your mask?" "I decided to check it at the door." Strong arms encircle him pulling him up by the waist./When did I fall?/ "You seem troubled." /That voice again...so warm/ "I'm fine." "No." Duo kneels down in front of him having already helped him sit on the edge of the bed. "You're not." "It's nothing." Trowa looks away protesting feebly. "Then what's this?" That same softness brushes against his cheek, a trickle of moisture running down that same palm. Trowa brings his own and up pulling Duo's away. /Not again...it isn't real./ "I don't feel it though." "Aa." Warm breath becomes closer to him as Duo leans over. His hands wander, arms snaking around Trowa's neck interlocking with a light yet firm pressure forcing his head to Duo's. Their eyes meet underneath a spiky fringe of bang carelessly pushed aside. /Your eyes Duo... so empty... maybe you really are death./ "Do you feel anything Trowa?" "No." Not a pause or single uncertainty. Duo's head tilts to the side as he draws Trowa closer. Soft pale lips warm and full graze his skin, a hot pink tongue darts out tasting him, trailing long wet kisses down his neck. "Nothing?" A gentle insistent nipping at the base of his throat. Trowa gasps. "N-no." Duo stops and laughs a chuckle rising up from his larynx growing louder, a low sensual sound as he leans over and whispers thickly in Trowa's ear, "You're lying..." "I said no!" Trowa forcefully shoves him off. Duo only laughs harder as he falls backwards onto the floor. He stands brushing himself off. "Don't be so shy Tro-chan." He starts towards the door. Trowa closes his eyes taking a deep breath "Oh and Trowa..." His eyes snap open alert whirling his head staring after Duo's retreating form. "I *will* be back." **I am screaming out loud** /Fade/ Shaking hands open a small medicine cabinet. He scans its contents searching. /There./ A bottle tumbles down seemingly of its own volition. /Need to sleep.. it hurts... so much.../ A few brightly colored pills spill out. He holds one up between his fingers eyes softening alight with a fervor which borders on the verge of lust. /Pretty... so pretty...the means to an end.../ He sings to himself quietly, voice unsure and wavering. "namida wo shitta doukeshi..." (1) He rolls around the small orbs before bringing them up in front of his mouth. He looks at them lovingly smiling. A clapping sounds coming from behind causes him to freeze. Not wishing to turn around he slowly shuts the medicine cabinet with his free hand peering into the mirror. "You came back." An observation, no question lying beneath. The braided boy leaning in the doorway starts towards him. Trowa doesn't move only continuing to observe the image. Duo watches the both of them arms winding around Trowa taking his hand. He squeezes hard, the knuckles cracking. Trowa bites hard on his lower lip fearing his bones will break before the pills, but Duo lets up surprisingly and instead begins to soothe the aching appendage. Trowa sighs in relief until a harsh jolt of fire rips up his arm. He opens his eyes looking forward at the shattered glass embedded in his skin for a brief time before falling away to shatter on the floor. He eyes it unfeeling, shutting down again. /Why.../ Duo kisses his neck hard teeth marking the delicate flesh surrounding his jugular. "My poor broken doll... I can fix you flaws..." /Promises promises you make... then show me the lies you've told in your heart.../ "Perfect... just... ." "Why should I listen? Take away this pain!" "...sacrifice.." /I don't... I can't.../ "This imperfection... could you truly mold this?..." "You desire more- I can see it when I look at you." /Surely there are those more worthy.../ "Not like It matters anymore. I can't feel anything anymore." "Look at me." Quiet, deadly calm. Trowa defiantly refuses. A painful grip on his jaw wrenching his neck around. /Nothing. Why... his smiling eyes.... so dead.../ "Tell me you want the perfection and the pain that accompanies it." Trowa flinches. "Oh yes, it is painful. Being perfect. But those not prepared are undeserving... you want to be worthy... of *him* don't you?" /Quatre... my angel... Why I then give in to this agony ...This hell... this sweet catharsis?... For you .../ "I...accept..." Duo licks his lips eyes gleaming. He surprises Trowa with the intensity of his look. /Is this... really you?../ His lips are captured, roughly plundered by Duo's tongue roaming, tasting every inch of his mouth. Never asking, only taking, bruising Trowa's lips with the force of his kiss. Trowa feels dizzy, weak, sinking into a bottomless abyss surrendering completely to the void engulfing him. Duo pulls back leaving him rather breathless, his mind hazy. "Now then... for my...payment" He throws Trowa to the floor, his hands instinctively thrust forward to steady himself landing on the broken shards. He inhales sharply in pain looking up at his would be savior. /That smile again.../ "I think you know what to do Tro-chan." Trowa nods, unzipping black pants which slide easily of slender hips pooling around Duo's ankles. He steps out of them, boots crackling glass as they hit the floor. Trowa takes a deep breath pausing a fraction to marvel at Duo's size before his stained hands wrap around Duo's hard arousal. /this...excites him?../His tongue flickers out out lapping experimentally at the head the metallic taste of blood intermingling with Duo's own musk. A moan from above allows him to relax slightly realizing he's doing everything right. /Just this... then... he'll help me.../ **And the fear of God is in me now Dissolve** /Fade/ Duo strokes his hair lovingly in a mocking gesture. "You're so beautiful Tro-chan" He lightly kisses Trowa's cheek, a feather of a touch as he lays beside him in the darkness. "Like when I.../ A cold touch of Duo's skin against the small of his back. /When you hurt me.../ "So am I?.." "You're whatever I want you to be." "I'm not yours." "You are now." A finger icy like the touch of death itself glides down sliding inside of him. A small whimper escapes him, passage still tender from Duo's earlier penetration. "I'm still here.. always." "You said I'd be..." "Perfect? But you are... you're mine" He inserts a second finger carefully probing for that one spot... the key to Trowa's surrender. "I'm not...Aaah" Duo brushes against that small area mercilessly exploiting the jolt of pleasure racing through Trowa's lithe form as he clenches the pillow tightly. "Duo...stop..." "I don't think you really want me too... see Tro-chan you're mine now." He speeds up fingers going in and out milking that gland with every opportunity. Trowa can't stifle the gaps and pants which escape him, hips pumping feeling his imminent release. "Can anyone else do that to you?" "n-no... duo... I can't..." "Then get on your hands and knees now" Duo says raggedly. Trowa struggles to comply, knees threatening to give way. He feels Duo come up behind him and push inside with a fluid motion. Trowa cries out fists gripping the already soiled bedding. Slowly, with a agonizing pace meant to be torturous Duo pumps in and out of him each time never failing to directly hit his prostate. /Why is he... I don't want this... so why am I?.../ He begins pushing back against Duo's throbbing length forcing the boy behind him to speed up his pace, pistoning into him hard and fast. "H-harder..." Trowa begs. /Then I won't have to think... only feel...no guilt... no regrets... and I'm not dirty.../Duo answers his request with another thrust moving himself faster, not caring about Trowa's pleasure any longer, only the writhing moaning body beneath him. /I need this... just a bit more... and it'll be over...no more false promises... and he'll leave.../ With a small groan, Duo comes releasing into him for a second time that night, only seeming to remember Trowa at the last minute hands grasping his aching shaft bringing him to climax. He collapses onto the mattress wincing and rolling off of the wet spot. Duo shifts behind him leaving the bed completely. "Poor Trowa... the flesh is weak isn't it?' A hand rubs his cheek then slaps him. "I don't understand you Duo..." "Good." Another false smile. "I hope you thank me." "For what?" Comes the bitter question. "Quatre won't want you. So now you *know* it's useless. You should be happy you have no false hope anymore. No more delusions." /So that's.. I already knew that...Duo.../ "Get out" He sits up eyes red and strangely crystal clear bathed in the moonlight. "I said get out!" "so only now you show you're really alive... I've always wondered." "I thought you were death, not me." "I may be death, but I'm not dead. See, I'm real. You're not." "You're an illusion." "I'm your illusion, everyone's. You wanted to see a smiling happy boy. You got it. You wanted a savior, I gave you that too." "And if I wanted God?" A challenge issued through the oppressive silence. Duo pauses before coming to the doorway. "Then I'd tell you there is none." **In the moonshine I leave no trace** "Heero..." The sleeping form stirs, slowly waking. "Catch me. I'm gonna..." Instantly awake, Heero springs from the bed catching the naked boy who falls into his arms. "Duo, what have you done?" "I had to..." The once still boy begins sobbing and shuddering violently "I couldn't stop it. Heero I'm so..." "It's alright." "Please... don't be angry, don't hate me" "Duo.. "I'm not a bad person" A shaky childlike voice, and large liquid violet eyes long for understanding. Heero pulls him closer back onto their bed. "I know. You never need to feel sorry." "I can't keep it up forever. I can't always be happy. It's not me dammit it's not me!" He buries his head in Heero's shoulder, soft hiccuping whines still coming through though fewer since Heero's arms encircled him. "H- Heero?" A gentle kiss, warm lips against is forehead soothing murmurs and sweet nothings whispered in stark contrast to the cold soldier by day. "I'm here Duo." Fingers intertwine in soft chestnut locks and Heero wipes away tears trickling down Duo's fair flawless alabaster visage. "Mmm you're so warm Heero. I feel ... safe... loved. I love you so much y'know" Another kiss. "I love you too. Now go to sleep Duo. Things will be better in the morning." Silence reigns for but a brief period. "Heero?" "Nani?" "Tell me... Who am I?" The question hangs in the air and Duo fears Heero may have fallen asleep until he answers simply "You're my Darling Death." **And my visions have gone Away from this place** /Fade/ Delicate hands still faintly caked with dried blood grip the porcelain rim of a toilet bowl shaking. Trowa leans over, everything in his stomach still remaining emptying out leaving a sick bitter aftertaste. A sweat runs down his forehead. leaving a trickling trail of moisture beads along his face. Raising a hand he wipes it off, sweat intermingling with blood. His knees ache from kneeling on the fragments of glass still carelessly left on the floor. /Dirty...so...dirty... I think I'm gonna.../ Another heave, this time dry nothing remaining to purge save the fluids flowing through his body. /Why... how could I let him.../ Trowa shudders, cold still feeling icy fingers of death all over his body, touching, caressing, claiming. /I'm not... no... never his... only... Quatre/ Feeling dizzy, weak, another empty retching leaving him drained and tired. /Please... forgive me... for my weaknesses/ Two figures sit at a table, each slowly picking at burnt scrambled eggs with disinterest. Duo looks up suddenly, eyes predatory as he reaches behind him, feigning a stretch, grabbing a still mostly fresh banana and bringing it back around in front of him peeling it slowly eyes never leaving the silent figure sitting across from him. He slowly takes it into his mouth, a gentle sucking evident, lips wrapped reverently around the fruit, as he bites down tranquilly, eyes heavy lidded still observing. He watches across the table at his stoic partner's discomfort squirming. He sets the fruit back onto the table, licking each of his fingers off seductively wiping the remaining wetness from his mouth off on his shirt. The loose fabric slides carelessly off one shoulder and he leans forward a wicked smile curving his sensual lips. His hand deftly snaps the elastic band binding raven locks together. Wufei still doesn't move away, looking down, trying to ignore the braided boy toying with him. He shifts in discomfort when Duo strokes is hair but continues to ignore him. Duo's look changes in an instant, from coy and inviting to a dark overcast shadow. "I guess it's only enjoyable with a dead woman ne Wu-chan?" Glittering black eyes bore into his, and a hard fist catches him on the side of the face knocking him onto the floor. Wufei stands glaring icy dagger at him. "You're sick Maxwell." He walks off still hearing Death's maniacal mocking shrieks of laughter behind him. **They've dissolved** /Fade/ Heero shakes Duo, wanting to wake him up but he does not twitch or stir a muscle. He begins to worry fearing something is amiss. "Duo wake up this isn't funny" It never occurs to him to check his pulse not in such a frenzy. "Don't do this to me again, I hate when you do this it fucks up my head so badly." He shakes Duo harder, watching his head snap back and forth like a rag doll, a small smile on his lips. /I know he's only toying with me now but I'm never sure,I know he's the type to greet even death itself with a smile. But why, with me... after all we've been through/ "Stop it! This isn't play dead anymore Duo! This is for real wake up! Wake up damn you!" His eyes stay shut, and Heero feels a wetness forming, /Tears...I don't care that I'm crying now...I know it's what he wants I can hear his laughter within the recesses of my mind mocking me driving me to break, to lose myself completely...Duo.../ He lets him go now, Duo's still warm and Heero knows he's alive but his mind can't reconcile it as he simply wilts beneath his unyielding will only able to hoarsely choke out a small plea of "Please don't leave me. Please wake up I love you..." /My eyes hurt but they can still see him sit up smiling brightly as if nothing happened, looking for all the world like he feels nothing...That bruise...I know his games don't work on Wufei... Why... Duo... I know you can feel, you did... last night... or was that another act?...Is it all just an act?.../ Duo looks at him smiling too brightly again. "Why are you crying Heero?" He leans forward making as if to offer comfort, the expression that's entirely too happy never leaving. Duo laughs then slaps him hard laughing even harder his deep sultry voice filled with wild bliss. "You're so silly Hee-chan" He rises and turns his back without so much as offering a hand humming to himself a light bounce to his step. **Can you see me going down? I am screaming out loud** /Fade/ /I can't breath I'm suffocating again... I need to../ Heero wakes up surrounded by darkness. /Nothing.../ He calms /Only.../ a soft hand roughly grips his shoulder. /No.../ "Duo-" "shuttup." "Don't." Eyes close, a sweet mercy not to see hot burning violet glass. "You hurt me before Duo." "I didn't mean to." "You *never* mean to." The powerful hold tightens, bruising well muscled flesh. A soft keening whimper, subdued, stifled by another hand against his mouth. "Then you must know I don't mean to now." The hand moves away only to be replaced by full crushing lips, nipping none too gently, lapping at the flow of blood forcing Heero's mouth to yield allowing his tongue entrance. A small seed of rebellion planted urges Heero to resist, and he bites Duo's tongue only to be met with a harsh slap which rocks his head violently. "Little bitch.' he says disdainfully wiping at his mouth. "It doesn't have to be this rough Duo." comes a quiet whisper. "Yes," arms pinned above his head by an almost inhuman unnatural force, "It does." "Why?" "Because." A savage tug tearing the fabric of his shirt from his body. "Death is never gentle. And death doesn't ask. I take." /I could stop him... So why don't I?... Why can't I?.../ "and death is never taken." A small snickering at his own joke. /I'm sorry Duo.../ Heero knee drives into Duo's midsection knocking his breath out leaving him wheezing. He rolls over, gasping for breath caught unprepared when Heero shoves him face down on the bed. The icy confidence melt, and Duo thrashes about wildly trying to get away. "Heero get off me. Don't fool around like this..." "I'm not" he answers grimly then returns the favor Duo had done him by ripping of the short T-shirt, the only clothing worn by his partner and lover. A panic grips the other boy. "Heero Stop it! Let me go!" His eyes widen considerably unable to free himself from the knee in the small of his back holding him down. "Heero stop! Please!!!" A brief letting up giving a small hope of freedom until Heero simply turns him onto his back, looking heatedly into his eyes. "You weren't going to stop were you Duo?" "Get off! Damn you! Let me go." "No.." The simple answer. /Please forgive me Duo... but I think this is the only way now.../ Grimly, he shoves a dry finger into Duo's tense body, ignoring the cries and pleas for release, the wails of pain. Positioning himself at Duo's entrance, he lets go completely consciousness fading away to nothing but an outlet, as Duo's judge, his executioner. "Look into my eyes Duo. I want you to see me. See all of me." He slams into him. Duo's eyes widen to impossible saucers, large limpid pools of agony as his mouth opens in a silent scream. **And the fear of God is in me now** "Duo?" A soft touch. /I'm so sorry.../ "You know I never meant it Heero." "I know. Close your eyes my Darling Death, and may your sleep be filled with the happiness I can never give you." A sound. A small something echoing through the dead silence of the room. "Duo... are you crying?" Growing louder, Heero's unsure of the exact emotion underlying. "Duo what's wrong?" "Nothing. Nothing's wrong?" Those same sounds again half laughter half hysterical sobbing. "Can't you hear me laughing?" Quatre creaks open the door to his room, seeing nothing but the faint silhouette reflected by the pale moonlight in his window. Still struggling to see, pupils dilated, he steps forward trying to make you what linger in the darkness, hiding in the shadows form obscured. Trowa remains where he stands, watching Quatre, with a nervous roiling in his stomach, though his outward appearance reflecting only a coolness and slight modesty. "Trowa... why are you here?" Trowa looks away in embarrassment suddenly feeling foolish for daring such a venture. /But it's the only way... my angel will make me clean... pure again... like I could never be... not with Duo.../ The name threatens to send him spiraling out into a harsh panic, but he reigns in the errant emotions schooling an impassiveness that only comes with years of long and gruesome supression of dark vivid nightmares. /Maybe Duo was right... maybe I am truly dead.... but I feel, though I rarely acknowledge it.../ The question goes unanswered verbally, Trowa simply standing there in nothing but a pale translucent blanket wrapped loosely around his slender frame. His head tilts upwards, no longer looking down, to the side, and off in the distance. "Quatre..." the name like a soft prayer dies on his lips, and he can no longer speak, only act upon the few rampant emotions which fill him, overwhelming his senses making him dizzy with their sheer weight. /I've been out of this world... this...felling... for too long an interval./ No more words uttered than that simple vociferation, as he allows the sheet to fall away revealing his pale slender nakedness for Quatre's eyes. "Trowa." A gentle admonishment, nothing hard or apathetic, the soul of... pity. /Why... he shouldn't... I shouldn't even be here.../ That warm hands, soft supple skin touching his bare arm. "Go back to your room Trowa." "Please Quatre..." /Please stop this pain, please fix me, don't let Duo be right, I couldn't bear it./ "I love you." The phrase escapes him of its own volition, flying away, fading into the air, though as if it is the only sound, Quatre hears with clarity and shakes his head in regret. "Don't delude yourself Trowa. Don't play with me. It's an act of innocence, but it still hurts." "Quatre you don't-" "Please. Make it easy for the both of us." "But don't you?.." "It doesn't matter." "Why not?.." His voice threatens to give way, choking, faltering. "Because..." "Because I'm dirty... I... understand." "No! Trowa." Quatre hears a faint hastily murmured apology as he tries and fails to stop the retreating boy. "Where are you going?!" "It doesn't matter Quatre... I don't think it ever did..." **Dissolve** /Fade/ The large man rolls over with a grunt and onto the dingy carpet of the small motel room. A wad of small bills passes onto the nightstand in front of where a small head rests on a stained mattress. Large feet pad back and forth gathering various items of scattered clothing. He shuts his eyes feigning sleep until his "guest" leaves without so much as an acknowledgement. One emerald eye blinking awake again, /So easy... just one night... 24 hours, and I'm nothing but this... it's just so.../ He begins a soft giggle, threatening to break into something more. The door opens again. /I doubt he wants to leave a tip.../ Trowa prepares to go through the motions again. /This is it... the rest of my life... damn you Duo.../ "Trowa?" Someone different. Kinder, gentler... /Maybe it's not too late.../ "Come back Trowa... this isn't you. You don't belong here." "Don't I? What good am I? I'm damaged...broken... empty..." "No you're not. I can still see you. In your eyes, they're alive vibrant, radiant. They used to shine for me Trowa. I miss seeing your real eyes." Trowa shakes him off rising pulling open the drawer to the night stand. "See these?! I hurt inside. Do you know what's it's like?" "Trowa..." "You never will either... What's ever been done to you? You're not this shell.... this empty rotting hunk of wood inside and out left for the maggots to fed on. You have a future. You're something, *someone*... I'm nothing!" /Pain... again in my head.... just need it too../ Shaking hands fumble with a childproof cap. Quatre lunges before Trowa does anything drastic, body resting atop the others, container rolling off onto the floor. "Get off me." A plea for what? Salvation? Understanding... a wish for death? "No." Quatre stares him down unrelenting. Trowa meets him back, eyes devoid of life, hollow, glassy orbs, The eyes of death. "Then at least pay me my money." Quatre looks down at him face a complete mask. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. He sets it on the table. /Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep and if I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take./ ~owari~ (1) A clown who knew what it meant to cry (From Trowa's image song "Clown")