What Words Could Never Say
Part Two
By: Kitty E.
NOTE: I'm posting the last paragraph from Part One since the break
between the two wasn't intended.
(�*Now* Heero's eyes narrowed in a menacing way, and he relented,
kissing Heero deeply. His hand slid out from under the sheets to
reposition Heero's head slightly, gently teasing Heero's mouth open.
He ended the kiss with an open mouthed sigh, feeling the usual flare
of excitement and supreme contentment, along with something
completely unexpected. It felt as though Heero was really and truly
open to him. How far will you let me go tonight, hmm? Heero, what
have you decided?)
Heero's mouth was still open slightly, and Quatre knew how to take
advantage of that. He took hold of Heero's chin and pulled it down,
making way for an even deeper kiss than before. He felt Heero move
closer, slipping one arm firmly around him. Quatre pondered that
action for a moment, wondering what Heero really meant to do tonight.
He decided to test his intentions, slipping his hand from Heero's
cheek to the collar of his pajamas. He slowly undid each button and
slipped his hand inside. Heero made no move to stop him as the tips
of his fingers searched, and then found Heero's nipple, rubbing over
it with a light, teasing touch. Heero broke the kiss, jerking away in
surprise but his body stayed close, arms pulling tighter.
Quatre smiled, pulling Heero's head back down for another kiss, and
tugging his shirt down his arms. He started a line of kisses down
Heero's neck, and across the sharply defined collarbone. How does
he manage to even taste metallic? The faint smell of gunpowder, the
tang of iron was fast becoming intoxicating, but he forced himself to
stop. His lips stilled over Heero's shoulder as he remembered that
this was reality, not a dream, not a fantasy. He realized he would
have to think clearly about this now before the morning brought
unpleasant revelations.
"Heero�" he asked, lips moving over the flesh of Heero's shoulder.
"Hn?" Heero eyes had been screwed shut, shut tight against the
unfamiliar sensations spreading throughout his body. He opened them
to see Quatre's face has suddenly become quite serious.
"What is this to you?" Quatre asked, looking back up to meet Heero's
cobalt stare. He recognized the confusion in Heero's eyes, and tried
to explain for him. "Is it just something physical? Something you
think I want?"
Heero's brow creased, and after some time he replied, "Isn't it?"
Quatre smiled shyly, "Well yes�" he sighed and searched for the
right words. "But I don't want it if it doesn't mean the same thing
to you as it does to me. I want this because of something I feel
inside, with all my being." It was hard to put an emotion like love
into sensible terms, but he knew he had to make it clear.
He slipped his arms around Heero's waist, pulling him into an almost
desperate embrace. There was a question he was terrified of, but
needed to ask. Before he made love to Heero he just had to be sure
that there was love there. "I want it to be something special between
you and I, and unless you feel it too, it'll be all wrong. Think
about it, Heero, when I hold you is there something pulling at your
heart?"
Heero closed his eyes again. I'm afraid to, but I don't know why.
Quatre, I want you to know, but I can't say�
Quatre shifted uncomfortably, the silence was killing him. If Heero
couldn't give him just this one thing he had no idea where he was to
go from there. He started as Heero moved forward, and their lips met
again. Is this an answer? Why can't he just *tell* me? Quatre
pulled away, and studied Heero's face carefully, coming to a decision
he was entirely sure was right. All right, Heero, I'll take it. If
this is all I can ever get from you, I'll take it. He would hate
himself for it tomorrow, but for now it was all he could do to forget
the growing tear in his heart.
Slowly, he reached forward and pushed Heero onto his back, half
covering him in the process. He laced his fingers in Heero's hair,
and captured his mouth again. He couldn't really tell, but he was
sure Heero's responses were better now, as though he'd been assured
somehow. The body pressed beneath his seemed softer under his hands,
and Heero's kisses felt even deeper. By the time he pulled his mouth
away, they were both gasping for breath.
He resumed his exploration of Heero's chest, running his fingers
down the flat stomach, and up the sides, delighting in the way Heero
moved beneath his touches, one moment rising to meet them, the next
shying when his senses were overwhelmed. Come on, koi, you're going
to have to lose control of your body sometime.
Quatre shifted to allow his kisses to move farther and farther down
Heero's stomach until at last he came down to Heero's pajama bottoms.
His hands followed the curve of Heero's thighs as he pulled them off,
underclothes and all. His own breathing was nearly as rapid as
Heero's as he took just he tip of Heero's erection into his mouth,
tongue swirling about the rim. Heero moaned softly as Quatre took in
more. Suddenly, he seemed to start, sitting up quickly and trying to
pull away, but Quatre caught him.
"Heero, it's all right," Quatre said soothingly, he tried to
persuade him to lie down again but Heero resisted. "Just let your
body go, don't try to control it." Quatre kissed him softly, and slid
his hand up Heero's inner thigh. "Pleasure's a foreign thing to you,
isn't it?" he asked, as he curled his fingers around Heero's shaft.
The startled look on Heero's face was explanation enough as Quatre
slowly pumped his hand twice. "Just close your eyes and feel, Heero,"
he whispered into his ear. "If it's too much, tell me." He continued
his ministrations, watching Heero's face for any signs that he was
really pushing it. Heero's cheeks colored, and his irregular
breathing turned into pleasured gasps and groans.
Quatre's hands left him briefly to retrieve a small bottle he kept
hidden in his night stand. Heero watched detached curiosity as the
blonde oiled his fingers. Quatre pulled Heero close until the other
boy was kneeling over his lap. "Heero, this'll be a little odd, but
stick with me okay?"
Heero nodded as Quatre recaptured his mouth and set his fingers to
work. Heero went rigid, body swaying briefly as Quatre prepared him
for what was to come. He adjusted quickly, pain was familiar, the
thin he dealt with most easily. Nothing betrayed his discomfort
except his increasingly ragged breathing as Quatre slipped in another
finger.
"Quatre�" he paused as he tried to find words to match his demands,
but he could only form the word, "Now."
"Not yet," Quatre said, penetrating again with another finger, and
feeling Heero tense sharply.
How do I say it? he pleaded with himself. "Quatre, onegai, I
need you."
Quatre's eyes snapped open, and he was stunned to see Heero staring
levelly back at him. He ... he means it? Quatre's fingers were
abruptly removed, moving instead to rub still more oil over his own
erection. "Heero," the name came out as a sigh, as he repositioned
himself, and Heero to better guide himself to Heero's warmth.
Jaw clenching, Heero lowered himself until he had taken in Quatre's
full length. Quatre's blonde head lolled against the headboard as he
began thrust up into him eagerly. Heero cried out as Quatre's thrusts
found something inside him that sent him reeling. His body began to
meet Quatre, moving unknowingly towards release, each time being hit
with a stronger wave of pleasure. His own voice began to drown out
Quatre's moaning mantra of his name.
Quatre groaned, and switched their positions, trapping Heero between
himself and the bed. Movements becoming frenzied as he worked them
both to climax. Panting, Quatre sat back, watching Heero's contented,
if somewhat disconcerted features, wishing that they weren't so
quickly schooled back into their usual blank expression.
"You know," he said, when Heero's gaze returned to him. "This means
you have to be here tomorrow morning."
"I wasn't going to leave," Heero felt as though he were admitting a
weakness.
It wasn't the usual three word phrase, but it's enough, Heero.
"I love you," he said softly, not caring if it was said back because
he didn't think he would ever forget this moment. Heero said nothing,
but settled closer beside him, letting Quatre lay his blonde head on
his shoulder.
Heero looked out the open window, at the stars that filled the sky,
but only seeing navigational charts. He knew the sky by heart, both
the northern and southern hemisphere's constellations, but only for
their uses in navigation, he barely registered their aesthetic value.
'I love you.' They mean a lot to him, those words. I couldn't say
it back, couldn't *force* the words out, but it's not because I
don't. Quatre, what I feel is more than words could ever say. You
know that, right?
Quatre sighed, almost as if in response. Heero closed his eyes and
intended to let sleep take him as it had his lover, but in a place
between conscious thought and dreams, the fear that kept him from
speaking his feelings was named. Does love last forever?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Part Three Teaser ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quatre and Heero lay in a state of sated passions, Quatre's fingers
were playing with Heero's hair, taking each lock of hair, and curling
about his slender fingers. Heero stared across the room unseeing,
thinking of times in his past where he had felt something akin to the
mood of this moment. "Quatre?"
"Hm?" he asked, blinking opening his eyes.
"This is happiness, right?" He supposed it wasn't a very clear
question, but it was everything he needed to know.
"What? You mean right now?" Quatre asked, confused.
"Hai."
Quatre smiled when at last he thought he understood, "Well, let me
see� I have you here in my arms, and tomorrow morning you'll still be
there because they'll be no reason to check for new missions since
the war is over. I think that if this isn't happiness, it's about as
close as we'll ever get." Quatre tilted Heero's head for a gentle
kiss. "Guess what that means?"
"What?" Heero asked, wondering if there was some facet to the
emotion he'd missed in his brief association with it before.
"Being happy means you have to smile for me now, and laugh. That now
keeping you happy is what's most important to me. It means now I can
take you to meet my family. Hmm, you know I still haven't told them.
I should, maybe at the celebration this weekend�"
Heero nodded absently, Sweet promises. I wish� his brow creased
as he tried to identify what he wanted. It was as if he were being
pulled in opposite directions, the wrenching feeling shattered the
happiness he felt. I *want* to stay, but I just *can't.* I'm
thankful, though. This moment of happiness was more than I ever asked
for. You'll hate me for leaving, for ruining your plans of our
future, but that'll make things easier.
Quatre was used to Heero's warmth leaving him in the middle of the
nights, he barely stirred at the loss any more. Morning came and he
found Heero gone, a small note of explanation placed beneath his
outstretched hand.
`Everything comes to an end.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part Three