What You Want:
Part Three
By: Kitty E.
Heero heard the door open, tensing reflexively before he caught the reflection in his computer screen. He didn't turn as the intruder approached, didn't flinch as two hands slipped past his neck, but he sighed ever so imperceptibly as the arms curled around him, holding him tight.
"Quatre," he said softly as a chin was settled into his hair.
"Ohayo, Heero." He wasn't sure how, but he knew the blonde's eyes were closed. Quatre had a strange habit of losing himself almost completely in a moment before snapping back into reality and leaving it behind as if he hadn't even registered it. The arms around his shoulders were suddenly removed, and the warmth at his back left him.
Glancing away from the screen briefly, he saw that Quatre was alone. "Trowa?" he asked simply.
"On a mission," he huffed. "He won't be free for quite sometime," there was a vague hint of worry in his tone, but he was doing his best to seem unconcerned.
"Then we can talk," Heero said, swiveling his chair about.
Quatre blinked at him, then laughed, "I never thought I'd ever hear you say that. Yes, Heero, we can talk if you like." He motioned for Heero to sit beside him.
Heero realized how long he'd been working when he had to force himself out of the chair to walk over to the bed. He sat down next to Quatre, a small space between them. Quatre rolled his eyes, and scooted closer, slipping an arm around Heero's waist, "You never let me hold you as much as I'd like," he explained, leaning their bodies together.
Heero let himself relax into that embrace, still baffled that it was Quatre who endeavored to make him feel safe, and not the other way around. "You said you'd tell me why," he reminded.
Quatre nodded, "You want to be any more specific?"
Heero considered that for a moment, finally coming up with a direct enough question. "Why did you want me when you have Trowa?"
Quatre pressed his lips together, and let his eyes fall to the floor. "The absolute truth is... I was afraid to lose Trowa."
Heero's brow furrowed in confusion, but he said nothing. Quatre's reasoning was usually so sound, but he couldn't see how his troubles with Trowa could have been help by bringing him in to the fray.
"I know he loves me, it's not a question of that..." Quatre paused as he tried to put what he was thinking into clear terms. "But I also know, I always knew, that he feels something for you. The more time that went by the more it grew, and I became very, very paranoid that he would leave me... for you. The only solution I could think of, to keep him with me for as long as he wanted to stay, was to remove the choice. To give him what he wanted, which was both you... and I."
Heero digested this for a moment, turning it over in his mind. "So... this is all for Trowa?" he asked. He didn't know why that bothered him as much as it did.
Quatre sighed, "A lot of it was. I would never have considered it had it not been for him. But," he chided, moving his head to a position where he could meet Heero's eyes. "It wasn't any torture for me to make you our lover. I can't explain it, Heero, but what I once felt only for Trowa has spilled over. I don't ever want to be without him, and now you. Do you understand?"
Heero was silent, thinking it a rhetorical question and mulling over his own feelings, inexpertly trying to analyze them. He felt his chin being moved, head now tilted at the perfect angle to receive a kiss. Their lips met for a brief moment, Quatre's darting out for only a quick taste.
"If this doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to us, we'll need to reconsider it," he said gravely, studying Heero's face. "What do you feel, Heero? Do you want only Trowa? Only me?"
Heero knew his vague feelings for Trowa were long standing. He had always wanted the other boy, though it was only recently that he was able to define it. He supposed he could be happy with just Trowa to hold, but as he thought about it, though, new feelings arose. He couldn't even contemplate leaving Quatre behind. He'd been so distracted by wondering 'why,' he hadn't realized how important Quatre had become to him. The thought of losing the warmth and affection Quatre offered, the safety to let go of his control while in Quatre's arms, was just as inconceivable as saying good-bye to Trowa's quiet kindness and gentle charms. Lifting his blue gaze from the floor, he caught Quatre's eyes and shook his head.
Quatre rewarded him with one of his more genuine smiles. "So now that it's been explained, is there anything else you need to know?"
"Are there any rules?" he asked sensibly. He didn't know the first thing about average relationships, let alone anything like this.
Quatre laughed, letting the slender fingers of one hand slip through Heero's hair. "I don't really know. Everything from here on out is just a clumsy attempt for lasting happiness among us." He huffed, "I probably should have asked before dragging you into such a complicated relationship, ne? Especially considering..." he laughed uncomfortably. "This is your first relationship, isn't it?"
Heero nodded shallowly, mesmerized by the way Quatre's lips moved. Quatre leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Heero's. They met each other's gaze evenly for a moment before Quatre pressed their lips together softly.
"Gomen," he whispered as he moved in for a deeper kiss, but he was interrupted by Heero's next question.
"For what?"
Quatre blinked, momentarily mourning his lost kiss before shrugging. "For dumping all this on you. I know it's a lot to handle..." He finally decided Heero was only going to ask more questions that had no real answers. He stood up, and took Heero's shoulders, slowly pushing until Heero was stretched out on the bed.
"I haven't seen you for a month, Heero, haven't you missed me?" Quatre asked as he pulled Heero's tank top from the spandex waistband and worked his hands beneath it.
Heero's brow furrowed and he contemplated what Quatre really meant by the word 'missed,' "I've wanted you both."
Quatre fingers stopped their slow quest upwards along Heero's stomach. "You think Trowa should be here?" He bit his lip, "Hai, I suppose this isn't right."
Heero blinked as the warm hands under his top was removed, "Wait... Quatre?"
Quatre looked over, "Hai?"
"I..." Heero hesitated, not knowing if he should speak. He sat up a little, holding himself up on the heel of his hands. "I didn't mean for you to stop."
Quatre looked surprised for a moment, and then grinned impishly as he started anew. He pulled Heero's shirt off, and eased him back down on the bed. They kissed softly for a moment, before Quatre slowly slid his mouth down Heero's neck, across his collarbone, and finally to the first nipple he found, teasing it gently while his hand slipped down the firm plane of Heero's stomach.
The other boy let his eyes fall shut, losing himself in the sensation, groaning in anticipation as Quatre's lips began another journey downwards. Almost immediately, he opened them, it felt like... something was missing. He tried to put out of his mind as Quatre's fingers slipped beneath his waistband making slow sweeps downward, but again there was a feeling of emptiness. As he lifted his hips to let Quatre pull his shorts off, he knew. Soft lips, wandering fingers, like Quatre's but still different, shy yet demanding. //Trowa...//
He'd never been with just one of his lovers, not like this. Even as Quatre drove him out of his mind with just a few passes of a small, rough, tongue, he was aware of Trowa's absence. Through each peak Quatre took him to, he still noted how it should have been. Trowa's hair tickling his stomach on the decent down, Quatre's voice in his ear, Quatre's mouth, Trowa's fingers, he supposed it was selfish to want both, but at the same time it was all he'd had ever known.
That night, despite being unable to explain it, he understood what Quatre and Trowa meant to him. It wasn't simply that one came attached to the other, he wanted, needed, both of them. It had never occured to Heero that he could... care for two people almost equally. Vaguely, he wondered about the future, worrying that things couldn't stay this perfect, hoping with all of his being that they did. They all wanted this, so maybe, just maybe, they could make it work. He felt Quatre filling him, reveling in that feeling, but still longing for the sense of completion he knew he'd only feel with Trowa there with them.
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