This night actually took place about six months ago back in my old house. Yes, six months ago I was Pagan, and many would be surprised to know that six months before that I was as well. Most of the people who know me wouldn't have known this, and so I'd like to share with them, and with the world the journey of my search for religion. You may consider this article as my coming out party as a Wiccan. As a witch. I am aware that judgements will be passed, but first, please, let me tell my story.

When I was in eleventh grade I checked a book out from the Peter White Public Library entitled Soul Searching by Alloy Books. Inside this book were biographies and questionnaires filled out by teenagers of many different religions. The book was meant to educate teens about different religions, and it sure educated me. There were two religions in that book that got me to thinking. One was Buddhism, and the other was Wicca. Now, I didn't know very much about either of these religions, but I did know some of the bad myths and stories associated with Wicca, which worried me, so I decided to study Buddhism. I checked out books on it, even bought one, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Buddhism. I'm a big Complete Idiot�s fan. So I studied it. The more I read the more I liked Buddhism. Self actualisation. Enlightenment. Love. I started bringing the books I was reading to school, and people questioned me about it. I told them I was Buddhist. I told everybody I was Buddhist. Everyone was very cool about it too, which only fuelled my Buddhist flame. Researching and being a student of Buddhism makes people think that you are smart for some reason. I suppose Buddhist do look pretty self assured in their long flowing robes. Its funny how that works though. I say Buddhist and everyone sees a smart old oriental man sitting in meditation. Islam brings to mind the image of a man in a white turban, or a woman completely covered in clothes. Christianity brings to mind the image of an average American. What does Wicca bring to mind? For me, the image of myself appears, but for others the image may be drastically different. Wicca seems to work like that, but I digress...

Anyhow, school ended that year with me still proclaiming my Buddhism to the world. In truth though, I hadn't finished my Idiot's Guide and I hadn't meditated once. Throughout that summer I found myself getting bored while my Buddhist books droned on and on about different styles Buddhism, felt guilty about not feeling like meditating, and started to question my originally strong beliefs. One night I had an epiphany. I smacked a mosquito because the damn thing was irritating me and because I knew in my heart of hearts that it was a worthless bug, not a potential Buddha.

It wasn't much later that I went into another bookstore and walked out with the Complete Idiot's Guide to Paganism tucked securely in my bag. I felt a strong pull towards Paganism (Of which Wicca is a certain type, like how Catholics are Christians) that grew stronger as my connection to Buddhism grew weaker. I at first felt reluctant to give in to the idea that I could be Pagan, but the more I read, the more I felt that hesitation melt away. I began to feel a personal connection with Paganism and by the time I finished that book the beliefs and traditions seemed beautiful and powerful to me. And by the way, I finished that book within a week or two of buying it.

I performed a small ritual late that summer that formalized to Spirit and to myself my beginning on the Pagan path. In case you're worried, the ritual (like most Pagan/Wiccan rituals) involved a simple lighting of a candle, a stick of incense, and some meditation. In fact, this was a very humorous ritual in a way. I wanted to do it outside at night and I kept trying to find places to do it, but the problem was that I was scared to go too far away from my house in the dark. I was worried about bears and things like that. I eventually just ended up doing it in the tall grass next to my driveway. I could see the lights from my house so I was ok, the only problem would have been if a car had driven by. Thankfully none did, and I was left to enjoy my first real ritual to myself. I remember it so vividly too, it doesn't seem like it took place almost a year and a half ago. I also remember that the ground was wet that night and when I stood up after finishing the butt of my jeans was totally soaked. Strange. I can still remember the exact clothes I wore that night.