| STAIN CLINIC ARCHIVE |
| FOR MUCKY PUPS + MURDERERS #1: Beers, Ales + Stouts - For washable items sponge with water then treat stain with white distilled vinegar solution (1 part vinegar : 5 parts water). Do NOT use this on acetate fabrics. Rinse, soak in biological detergent, rinse again. If the stain is still there try a solution of 1 part 20 vol. hydrogen peroxide (perhaps hair bleach?) to 6 parts water but test it out first in case it fucks up the colour. Old stains can sometimes be removed with meths. Finally wash the thing at the highest temperature it can take. For non-washable items do the vinegar thing. Try this also for furnishings, carpets. Another good carpet one is a syphon of soda followed by carpet shampoo with a wee bit of vinegar added. #2: Blood - Soak washable items immediately in strong salty water. Keep changing salt water until it runs clear. Rub leftover marks with a 'salt paste' (don't think that means spunk). If the stain is an obstinate bugger try spit or meat tenderizer on cotton wool. Then soak in biological detergent + when you're sure all the stain has gone, wash in the normal way. For old stains leave overnight in a solution of biological detergent. For wool run the item under the cold tap for a bit coz it goes a bit wierd if you rub it so this might help. A good solution for persistent stains is 2 teaspoons of household ammonia + 1 pint of water + a few drops of hydrogen peroxide. Put water + few drops of ammonia on non-washable items, then take em to the dry cleaners. Blood stains on sofas etc. can be got rid of with a paste of cornflour + salt. Brush it off when it's dry + after a few treatments the blood goes with it. Blankets are the same as washable items above. Carpets can be cleaned with cold water first then shampoo. If you get blood stains on your mattress then sorry, you're fucked. #3: Hair Dye - Try to get these stains while they're wet coz they won't come out if they're dry. Washable items should be soaked in cold water then rub them in liquid detergent then white vinegar. If stain doesn't come out soak in bio. detergent. Henna comes off with neat ammonia or stubborn bastards can be got rid of with meths. For non-washable items rub with liquid detergent, rinse. If this don't work take em to the dry cleaners. For carpets + sofas put cold water on then liquid detergent. If the stain still hasn't gone the book reckons you should 'seek professional aid' but I reckon thats a load of crap, I'd just leave it + forget about it, if I were you. #4: Lipstick - For washable items scrape off the excess then rub vaseline on stain (or meths for nylon). If it hasn't gone use a Stain Devil or something, then wash. Non-washable items, er, take em to the dry cleaners. Carpets + sofas can be treated with dry cleaning solvent then shampooed with carpetty/sofa shampoo stuff. #5: Mascara - Rub washable items in neat washing up liquid, then wash as normal. If this doesn't shift the fucker, treat with a dry cleaning fluid. For non-washable things + carpets etc. treat with meths. Blot colourfast fabrics with 1 pt ammonia : 3 pts cold water. Rinse! #6: Medicine - Soak yer washable items immediately in cold water. If the stain's still there, reach for the meths. Take non-washable items to the launderette. Carpets + sofas - keep blotting the stain with wet kitchen paper + then shampoo it (if ya can be arsed). #7: Vomit - A useful tip, this, for any self-respecting wasted degenerate. Washable stuff: get off as much as possible wiv a spoon. Rinse under cold tap, then soak in bio detergent (+ optional disinfectant). Then wash as normal. Get rid of any leftover stain (if the fabric can take it) by soaking in a mixture of 1 pt hydrogen peroxide : 6 pts water. First scrape non-washable items then sponge with a bit of ammonia in warm water. If this doesn't work take it to the dry cleaner. If you inadvertantly puke on someone's sofa, scrape it off then sponge with warm water/detegent + disinfectant. Carpets should be sprayed with a soda syphon first (pinch one from the pub?) then treated with carpet shampoo. Mattresses need sponging with warm water + detergent, then rinsing with cold water + disinfectant. Still to cum: Piss, Curry, Glue, Shit, Scorch Marks |
 |
 |
 |