PTERODACTYLMAN'S HAIKU PAGE

..."THE HAIKU PAGE"...why not write a haiku too?...+ "THE ORIGIN OF PTERODACTYLMAN" SCREENPLAY ...

Pterodactylman recommends
THIS weird music today...

pterodactylman�s
haiku are like one liners
only there are three

in the knitting room
old folks are sharing needles
never hearing aids

Walt Disney once said
it�s a small world after all
now HE�S in a fridge

I lift up your head
and you respond with sweetness
my pez dispenser

under starry skies
forever�s not hard to see
look at the black bits

went to a drag race
wearing women�s clothes got booked
negligee driving

caf� with duel themes
The Beatles... and bush tucker
sign says�Yabbi Road�

3am again
craving for a piece of cheese
beats just lying there

am I still dreaming
of wanting to be stolen?
somebody..pinch me

formed a self-help group
for people that can't shut up
on an'on anon

in car rear windows
little dogs with nodding heads
fREAk OuT-on speed humps

nearly legless now
men in strange Hawaiian shirts
cook spit-on a pig

giraffe-necked women
preparing for a blind date
with the plate-lipped men

all those dead boring
subtle necrophiliacs
just flirting with death

quick meditation
hurry up and relax
then slow down and fast

the 'tunnel Of love'
leads to 'the funnel of flesh'
then ~ ' oven of bun '

swapping grunts and moans
philosophical lovers
wonder who came first

drivers swear and curse
at not-so-merry-go-rounds
near not-so-free-ways

raiding the chookshed
the cunning little vixen
gets egg on her face

misplaced chocolates
melting into comfy chairs
destined for white clothes

don't procrastinate
stuff a lipstick in your ear
and make-up your mind

insurance sales reps
teaching old dogs new tricks
with rollover funds

Sally Boyden songs
sometimes remind me of you
lucky I'm deaf now

the force of nature
bamboo shoots ask no questions
shh-hear panda-moan-yum

Charlz Schulz when he died
guaranteed no cartoonist
would work for Peanuts

Jerusalem News
just discovered The Dog Shroud
Of Turintintin

oil burner flickers
as mandarin steam rises
the chihuahua snores

shh!- did you hear that?
-sounds like air escaping - SHH!!
there it is again

went to the fish shop
where they serve the battered wives
with chicken assault

liquid warble of
blackbird bursting under-wheel
of semi-trailer

On hot summer nights
insomniacs flip pillows
onto their cool sides

bathing in baked beans
he subs-tit-utes cheese for soap
Raj adultery

(The Who?)

blood-curdling yelps
as the male great dane impales
chihuahuas on heat

everything in
moderation including
the moderation

everything in
moderation including
chihuahuas on heat

blind children eating
spotty broth using fingers
braille alphabet soup

wet tyre sounds outside
on a cold rainy morning
whisper "should...sleep...in..."

cartoon the full moon
especially in late june
�round about midnight

thin thoughts of China
drawn from a fat memory
of blurry visions

drinking cool water
trying not to think
fish fuck in this stuff

internet lounges
use virtual furniture
in web of d`seat

visually challenged
foot fetishists getting off
on wrong foot again

burnt my bra today
and my only regret is
I was wearing it

the circus vampire
works fast-doesn't clown around
goes for the juggler

mobile phones on trains
getting smaller all the time
I shove them up bums

brave polystyrene
relaxing on a beanbag
takes a lot of balls

hairs are antenni
attracting cosmic thought rays
AND BRAIN ENERGY!

integrate the true
delineate the divine
seperate the front bottom

PTERODACTYLMAN�S K-TIKU:

wooden buddha mask
smiles down from a pale blue wall
kookaburras laugh

in k-ti's guest room
laughter and sunlight merge with
my afternoon dreams

under mermaid's cave
a symphony of water
played on rocks and ferns

A slow shooting star
swallowed quickly by the night
silently I wish

red rose-candle burns
the only sound ~ her breathing
as tall shadows dance

pork bun for breakfast
chip butties in the evening
with love-in between

~written @ K-ti's Guest House
Mt Victoria N.S.W.
in Sept'99

PTERODACTYLMAN'S SPRINGWOODKU:

Norm Lyndsay's backyard
stone tits , bums and bellies
squirt water at ducks

the sound of crickets
gets drowned by the cicadas
in The Sea Of Scickkkkkkkk

vague profanities
heard from a distant gum tree
escaped cockatoo

PTERODACTYLMAN'S SPAMKU:

windchime made of Spam
hanging outside my window
plip� plip-plip� plip�plip

Hamlet's dilemna:
two Spam or not two Spam -
- that is digestion

cut slot in top
suck out meat- fill up with coins
D.I.Y. Spam bank

turned the tinned meat key
suddenly lost interest
short attention spam

PTERODACTYLMAN'S CATKU:

feeling serena
when I give a cat massage
on sunlit back porch

cat gives shiatsu
whilst enjoying a backrub
acupuncture claws

hid cat in full bin
to protect her from cousins
next day-gasping cat

over furniture
he circled the loungeroom
marijuana cat

...and on a considerably less
aesthetically pleasing note...

PTERODACTYLMAN�S FARTKU:

Brittney Spears farts
so close to my eyes they smart
Yet- I- still- - love- - her

spurious fragrance
a repugnant bean perfume
pull my winged-finger

"Better than a thousand useless haiku �
�is a single haiku which brings peace."
-Pterodactylman
-with inspiration from �The Dharmapada�

...............................................

BIZARRE CULT COMIC BOOK CHARACTER
PTERODACTYLMAN'S
LONG AWAITED
MOTION PICTURE SCRIPT!!!

The Origin
Of
PTERODACTYLMAN

THE SCREENPLAY:

SCENE # 1 / SHOT # 1 NIGHT TIME / INTERIOR (large concert hall)

shot opens with fade up from black ;footage of Pterodactylman performing live to a transfixed audience of devotees with an uncannily spooky theramin soundtrack that ascends progressively through shot in volume - guitar-keyboards-stylophone- psychedelic swirling oil patterned lighting-smoke etc with PterodactylMan�s recitations of haiku as titles roll ( B-grade horror font - �melting green goo� ) �this is to be a single shot sequence with steadicam float to glide the viewer gently into the realm of PterodactylMan�

SHOT FADES OUT TO BLACK AS THE SOUNDTRACK INCREASES WITH ITS REVERBOSITY AS IT SEGUES INTO PTERODACTYLMAN SURF GUITAR BALLAD (SCRATCHYRECORDQUALITY)

SCENE # 2 / SHOT # 1 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

scene fades up to shot of lone hiker at the treacherous slopes of Mt Fuji ( aerial shot ) coming slowly up behind hiker and zooming over his head ,we can see that the hiker is carrying a portable reel to reel tape recorder that is playing the same song that is on the soundtrack.

Superimpose titles : Mt FUJI , JAPAN , 1963

SCENE # 2 / SHOT # 2 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

lone hiker from up above on the track leading up Mt Fuji , as he stops , turns off the tape recorder, (which had been sounding like it had needed new batteries -music slowing , warping) takes off his haversack and sits down , getting a small notebook out. he begins staring across at the majestic vista before him.

SCENE # 2 / SHOT # 3 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

pan of majestic vista ,the view from Mt Fuji. shot starts from behind hiker�s head ,floats up , pans across and down to cloudy valleys below.

SCENE # 2/ SHOT # 4 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

footage of snow geese flying up out of cloud surfaces , then submerging .

SCENE # 2 / SHOT # 5 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

close-up of hiker writing haiku in notebook , seen from over hiker�s shoulder.

" clouds in the valley-

snow geese appear to disappear ;

-scene from Mt Fuji "

SCENE # 2 / SHOT #6 DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

hiker puts notebook back into haversack , puts haversack back on , then wearily trudges on up the mountain.

SCENE # 3 / SHOT # 1 LATE DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

it is later in the day and getting colder , darker . hiker looks around for shelter , shivering�sees a partially concealed opening in the mountain. SCENE # 3 / SHOT #2 LATE DAYTIME /EXTERIOR (Mt Fuji,Japan)

hiker heads toward small cave opening -stops - looks inside - gets flashlight out of haversack�drags in sticks and branches to make a fire .

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 1 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

hiker winding his way through a labyrinth of tunnels and cavernous undulations / flashlight shining his way , still dragging his firewood.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 2 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

hiker comes to larger part of cavern and sees evidence of ancient inhabitants /cave drawings of pterodactyls�(hiker looks around..up..down..bemused)

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 3 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

camera pans around cavern illuminated by torch,stopping briefly at numerous pterodactyl cave paintings, many depicting a half man-half pterodactyl creature.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 4 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

the hiker starts to make a fire to warm up a bit and after a few unlucky attempts at lighting the fire by rubbing two sticks together decides to use his packet of waterproof camping matches and finally succeeds.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 5 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

the hiker looks around the cavern floor and spots something-

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 6 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

what the hiker sees- a pile of what appears to be round rocks against the cavern walls.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 7 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

close up of hiker�s hands grabbing armfuls of the �rocks�

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 8 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

shots of hiker going back to the fire with armfuls of rocks and placing them in a circular fashion around it.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 9 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

close up of hiker�s hands grabbing armfuls of the �rocks� again. . .

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 10 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

shots of hiker going back to the fire with armfuls of rocks and placing them in a circular fashion around it - again !.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 11 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

hiker rolling out sleeping bag , then getting his notebook out again to write something...

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 12 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

close-up of hiker writing haiku in notebook , seen from over hiker�s shoulder.

" smoke in the cavern-

tickling the nostril hairs ;

-inside Mt Fuji "

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 13 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

fade to shot of fire showing the rocks surrounding it �

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 14 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

close-up of hiker�s eyes with reflections of the fire in them , as he drifts off to sleep .

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 15 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

crackling sounds as we show medium range shot of cavern with the hiker and the fire.

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 16 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

tension in music builds as we slow zoom into the "rocks" used to surround the fire

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 17 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

one of the ROCKS cracks OPEN showing a fossilised pterodactylchick which steams up and starts to exude "WEIRD VAPOURS", followed by another rock, and another , and��.another!

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 18 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

shot zooms slowly into the hiker�s nostril as he inhales WEIRD VAPOURS

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 19 interior of NASAL PASSAGE

(fleshy tube set)

shot FOLLOWS WEIRD VAPOURS AS THEY HURTLE up the hiker�s nasal passages

(insert THERAMIN theme here)

FADE TO BLACK

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 20 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

FADE BACK INTO SCENE

the fire by this stage has resolved into coals�.the hiker wakes suddenly as though from a bad dream and lights the fire again by throwing the last of his firewood on �as the fire increases in its luminosity we can see that the hiker has broken out in lizard -like- red -latex- lesions on his limbs!

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 21 NIGHTTIME /INTERIOR (Cave Set)

the hiker lays back down and attempts to go back to sleep, but first he scratches then picks his nose with his hand , which by now has manifested itself into a pterodactyl winged finger ! The hiker keeps his eyes closed for about five seconds before the realisation registers , then...

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 22 EARLY DAYTIME /EXTERIOR

(Mt Fuji,Japan/cave entrance)

BLOOD CURDLING scream is heard outside Mt Fuji� faintly echoeing up the cave entrance .

SCENE # 4 / SHOT # 23 EARLY DAYTIME /EXTERIOR

(Mt Fuji,Japan/cave entrance)

"UNSTEADICAM" FOLLOWS FRANTIC FREEEEKIN' OUT MUTATED HIKER as he exits cavern running through tunnel and as he bursts into broad daylight�. The screams are more like a pterodactyl�s by now and the hiker has totally transformed into Pterodactylman - but is NOT wearing ANY UNDERPANTS !!!

FADE TO BLACK

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT ?

(Go on ...YES... YOU! INSERT YOUR alternative ending NOW!)
simply EMAIL PTERODACTYLMAN...
"All ideas will be shown BELOW!"

[email protected]

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