Ok, here you go:
The official Q&A page of Donger (D) & Phatman (P)...
(to return to the main page, click this)
August, 2002:
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Summer wonders if the boys can tell if the knoll is really grassy:
101. I hear you boys are smart. So, tell me, assuming I have not mowed recently, what color is my pubic hair?
D: Who cares, dude. The fact that you still have some after all our advice repulses me. This website is for advice, not predicting the ridiculous.
P: I'd have to say, brunette. Blonde and red pubic hair is recessive. Of the thousands of women I've been with, brunette is a dominant pubic hair trait. So I'm just using a 4th-Order Runge Kutta model to determine what your patch looks like. Who told you we were smart? Anyway, as always, submit a sample. If you haven't mowed in a LONG time...send a bigger sample. Has the growth reached your belly button? Is it travelling up your back?? Ohh my.
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The Drunk Cherokee is looking to focus harder for his oral exam:
100. Is it o.k. to have sex with the hot girls in your study group at school?
D: Donger finds no problem, but feels the need to explain the theory of "Classroom Attractiveness" at this point in time. Classroom Attractiveness, or "CLAT", is a disease that affects all post baccalaureate students. It goes like this: you walk into the classroom on the first day and naturally scan the room for someone attractive of the opposite sex, but can't find a one! Oh well, but your mind begins to play tricks on you because after a few days, the CLAT starts to kick in and you find yourself saying things like "She's not THAT bad. I'd do her if I was drunk." In another week or so, the symptoms kick in high gear as you find yourself flirting with the pre-CLAT pig. Some more time passes, and you find yourself referring to her to your external friends as "the hot chick in my class". Let Donger tell ya: that classroom is the ONLY place the chick is "hot". Donger does have one question in return: Why limit yourself to just the girls in your study group; what about the men?
P: Are you fucking kidding me? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is OK...here is the perfect logic: study groups last a semester. Memories last a lifetime. Mammories last about 35 years. Ram and cram it and jamb stinky stank; rub it and bump it on her little brown bank.
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Carrie is trying to figure out what type of meat she should have for dinner:
99. Using the following 2 links, I have a couple of questions:
http://www.photogregg.com/Models/Kali/imagepages/image10.htm
http://www.photogregg.com/Models/Kali/imagepages/image24.htm
a) Would you classify her private area as either ham or roast beef?
b) Have either of you ever encountered a female with so much skin down there?
D: Readers: out of our "no question goes unanswered" policy, the Donger is obligated to answer, but warns you before clicking on the links that there is nothing "sexy" in these photos.
a) Neither, it looks like a spoiled penis.
b) Negative, but Grandpa Bowers might think he's looking in the mirror.
P: a) Not even a doubt that it's roast beef, meat curtains, or beef drapes - whatever. If the labia minora is easily seen in massive quantities overcoming the labia majora as those girls...it's roast beef. A little L. minora is normal. Barely visible or not detectable is ham.
b) Not as much as those girls, but I've grabbed a handful of pink leather before. I always just think of it as a "pound of flesh".
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Scott is not just blowing smoke here:
98. How much weed would you have to smoke for your body to reach a Nero toxicity that would kill you?
D: Donger doesn't smoke weed, so the question is moot. He just sells it to high school kids and gets strippers stoned with it so he can take 'em home and "uuhhh", to da break, of dawn!
P: I think you would just need to worry about chronic toxicity. There is not enough weed on the planet for acute toxicity. Anyway, chronic toxicity may occur due to buildup of THC or some other chemical in weed. I'd say you may not see the toxic effects for 20 years of smoking plenty of bowls every day. I just disregarded "Nero" toxicity. That must be a West coast ghetto term. I'm East coast barrio.
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Trey is looking into some breeding prospects:
97. The Times of London reports that Japanese scientists are planning to clone a mammoth and display it at an Ice Age wildlife park in Siberia. They say however that it will take 50 years of breeding cloned mammoth-elephant hybrids to achieve a mammoth that is 88% genetically pure. I'm not sure I understand this whole cloning process, so my question is: why can't they just make a 100% mammoth now?
D: They CAN, they just choose not to. They figure if they rush now and produce, say 35% mammoths, every kid will want one for Christmas. Then, over the next few years, they can saturate the market with an increase in percentage of "pure" mammoth. It's simple economics of limiting supply to an increasing demand. Look at the past history of products introduced to the market similarly for the proof: pet rocks, PlayStations, Cabbage Patch kids, Talking Elmos, and Traci Lords underage porn videos.
P: Its just through all my studies of Gregor Mendel that I understand this process. I'm not a geneticist. I am just a normal man. Anyway, to put it in your terms, TREY; it's like cutting a rum and Coke with more rum. Or spiking a regular cigarette with more opiates. In other words...you just can't have a wooly mammoth right out of the box. It takes time and effort. You have to grow a hybrid and then grow another hybrid using old DNA in a special host species. When they reach maturity they mate and make an impure offspring. They need to mate again and maybe make a 30% pure mammoth. This whole process takes 50 years because wooly mammoths are large creatures and large creatures have long gestation periods and don't reach sexual maturity until later in the life cycle. Wooly mammoths may live to be 120 years old if where to extrapolate between whales and elephants. Sexual maturity may take 16-22 years. Gestation is prob 18 months. To get to 88% pure you have gone through two or three generations of mammoths. You have to make about 56 wooly mammoths to have 1 that's the purest at 88%. The rest should be destroyed. You could get to 100% but it would probably take 500 years.
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Admiral Carr needs our boys to cure his curiosity:
96. I seem to have stumbled up on the cure for "The West Nile Virus". My dilemma is this.. Since it cost me money to find this cure, should I sell it to drug companies for millions, or should I just give it to the world as a humanitarian gift?? Just wondering. Also, I think I am close to a cure for cancer, what about that too??
D: The economy sucks, the world can end tomorrow from World War III, and disease is nature's way of invoking "survival of the fittest"-- sell the secret recipe to the highest bidder and throw a party. "Greed is good".
P: Give away the West Nile cure, but charge money for cancer cure. There are far more people prone to get cancer than West Nile. This way you just look like a level headed humanitarian and not a money grubbing fat cat or a dumb ass tree hugger.
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I suspect that there is nothing usual about Kiley's question:
95. What is the greatest trick the devil ever pulled?
D: "convincing the world he didn't exist".... Can't you at least dig for a movie quote that half the readers won't know? The greatest trick Donger thinks the devil ever pulled was letting New England win the Superbowl in 2002.
P: He convinced everyone he didn't exist and then he hid in MRS. JONES.....MARTHA FOCKER!!!!!!!
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Jon gives us 5 on the fly (or, of the fly) here:
94. If you see your buddy's psycho ex-girl friend around town, is it cool to pick her up??
D: Why not? Everyone else is.
P: Of course. One man's swimming pool is another man's sewer. Well, if she is a psycho...what do you want with her? She may tear the windshield wipers off your car.
93. What is the deal with "The Wizard of Oz", and "Dark Side of the Moon"? Is it true they match up??
D: "Haven't you heard? It's a battle of words", the poster bearer cried. One of Ted Turner's stations matched it up a few years back and it worked. Pink Floyd members deny it, but they were probably too stoned to remember either way.
P: They do match up. Start the CD on the third roar of the MGM lion. Everything falls into place. Anyway, even if it didn't, there is nothing better than listening to that masterpiece three times in a row.
92. What happened to "The Gold Club" in Atlanta? Is it still open?? How about "The Crystal Palace"??
D: Gold Club was overrated, but the girls that worked there were fun to date! Probably the most normal chicks in Atlanta. Too bad..... The Donger doesn't know much about the Crystal Palace, but recommends the Buford Highway Equestrian Club (aka- The Pink Pony) and the Spring Street Ballet (aka- The Cheetah). If you're short on cash and just want to see some decent ass, hit Mako's in Buckhead on a Friday or Saturday and get a "swing dance".
P: I think they both went the way of the Dodo bird and American Common Sense. When you deal in the dark side, you can expect a lot of turnover.
91. Should we revere Bill Clinton as the biggest stud President we ever had?? (I am sure no other President can say he did the things Bill did in that office) Or, should we feel sorry for him?
D: How could you forget JFK?!? The man boned more ass than any other President AND his term was shortened!!! As far as sexual escapades go, comparing banging the crap out of Marilyn Monroe versus a hummer from a fat Jewish chick is like watching Manute Bol box William "The Refrigerator" Perry.... wait a second, that wasn't a bad dream? Anywho, Slick Willie got away with lying under oath (a crime called perjury), cheating on his wife (a moral sin called adultery) and that whole Whitewater mess (a crafty business transaction known as insider trading). Feel sorry for him? Nah. He's living the American dream.
P: I see him as a stud AND I feel sorry for him. I personally can't stand the man's politics, but he was able to bag a nasty looking intern...bid deal. Paula Jones was a better conquest. Judging a man based on who he has laid pipe to is not always the best measure of a man's character. For this poor sap...him choosing Al Gore as a running mate says everything I need to know about him. I feel sorry for him. But still, a bit of a stud.
90. If a buddy leaves a used tampon on your sofa, "as a joke", What lengths can you go to get him back?? Any revenge ideas??
D: Whoa nelly! Is this buddy a dude or a chick? Either way, that's some sick stuff. The Donger went through a phase in college when he and a neighbor (who has since been deported out of the country) played tricks on each other. It all started when Donger went to take a leak and found his toilet bowl covered in Saran Wrap. It ended when Donger's roommates decided to pour tuna fish juice inside said neighbor's air vents on his car. The best stunt was performed by The Donger, when he entered the enemy's kitchen armed with only a stetco knife, and like a skilled surgeon, removed the labels from EVERY can in sight. The poor neighbor spent the rest of his nights guessing what his dinner would be.
P: That sounds like an innocent prank. Me thinks the tampon was doctored with red marker. I can't tell you what the mixed scent of flowers and copper is. I just let this one go. Are you still mad about that? Next time I'll leave an upper decker shit in your toilet. That's a bit malicious and deserves revenge. A little tampon trick never hurt anyone.
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Joy just wants to get along:
89. Ok boyz, which do guys prefer, blow jobs or sex? And why? I want a detailed explanation.
D: Guys prefer sex so they can brag about getting laid, but the Donger swears that a great blow job far exceeds great sex... and that's all the explanation you're going to get. It's MY fucking website; don't tell me how to answer!
P: I prefer sex. No doubt. It feels better...it is better. Even the best BJ cannot match the sights and sounds of a girl desperately crying for help while you are pounding the pink like a native Indian on a European settler's 16 year old daughter. I hope that's enough detail (imagery).
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Dan wants to make sure he avoids some snowballing:
88. If after your girlfriend orally services you, she keeps the change, but, then wants to kiss you, how do you tell her you will not kiss her until she washes her mouth?
D: Try this approach: "If you really love me, you'll understand that my seed was a gift to you. I'm not gay, so go brush your teeth and gargle with mouthwash. No backsies, and lock the door quietly behind you when you leave! Don't forget my warm wet washcloth."
P: When you say keeps the change...do you mean she puts it in her pocket or puts it in the piggy bank. I'm talking does she hold the change in her mouth like the cuddlefish does with its young...or does she swallow it?? Either way, if you don't like kissing after the payload is delivered...bury your face in the pillow, get out of bed, yawn and roll over...do whatever. Its a chance for you both to save face if its never verbalized. If you say, "Baby, I don't want that stuff dribbling around on my lips"....you are running the risk of a possible COI (Conflict of Interest). If its good enough for her you better indulge in a little yourself. If you don't, you offend the TYM and she wont do the favor again....most girls that swallow do it because they want to please the man. Some may do it for the taste, but that's not very common and a bit strange. Another method: Reciprocate. Bury your face in that worn out catchers mitt....coming up for air only if absolutely required...Get that heavenly wetness all over your face-ear to ear...Then plant a big sloppy on her..tongue style. See what she does. She may escalate the battle by jamming a thumb in your bum with a tug on your mullet...so be careful.
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David just needs to take a long look @ himself in the mirror:
87. I have been accused of being homosexual because I'm handsome, bald with a goatee (just like you Donger), keep in good physical shape, anally neat around my house, and not afraid to point out a good looking guy when I see one. My question is, how do I know if I'm gay?
D: The following should be used to determine if you are gay:
a- If you get someone else's sperm on you, you're gay.
b- If you get hard while sucking another guy's dick, you're gay.
c- If you don't get hard while sucking another guy's dick, you're straight UNLESS he gets sperm on you.
d- If Michael Stipe is in the room with you and you're having sex with a woman, you're bisexual.
e- If you're at a bar and talk to a another guy longer than you talk to a girl, you're gay.
f- If you discuss art for more than 45 minutes, you're gay.
g- If you've ever worn a beret, you're gay.
h- If you kiss a guy and he has a hard-on, you're NOT gay UNLESS you have a hard-on too.
i- If you're only purpose in life is to get girls pregnant so they can have more girls to have lesbian sex together, you're gay.
j- If you jack off and get cum on yourself, you're gay.
k- If you get a boner watching Gilligan's Island, you're gay.
l- If your name is Richard and you go by "Dick", you're gay.
m- If you're friends with a model, you're gay.
n- If you do anything spiritual, you're gay.
o- If you fuck a pregnant girl and she's carrying a boy, you're gay. (If you get sperm on the amniotic sac, the baby will grow up to be gay.)
p- If you've ever talked about or owned a crystal, you're gay.
q- If you've ever put Band Aids on your nipples, you're gay.
r- If you've ever spent more than 1 week on South Beach, you're gay.
s- If you're NOT thinking about tits right now, you're gay.
t- If you still like Judas Priest after you found out Rob Halford was gay, you're gay.
u- If you get a hard-on while taking a shit, you're gay.
v- If you know what sperm tastes like (especially your own), you're gay.
w- If you kiss girl with tongue after she's swallowed your cum, you're gay.
x- If you're a clothing designer or a male model, you're gay.
y- If you get choked up listening to "Boys Don't Cry" by The Cure, you're gay.
z- If you get hard while reading this, you're gay.
All of the above rules were taken from Marilyn Manson's autobiography, "The Long Hard Road Out of Hell", pp 134-35.
P: David, if you even have to question if you are gay one time...you are gay. Actually, I think everyone is on a Breeder-Family Continuum. Nobody is either 100% Family or 100% Breeder. The pure-fire-never-fail test to know if your gay is to pound a guy from the rear...while you do that and you have the urge to give the fellow a "reach around"...you are gay. If you don't...then you just might be gay. Either way...he is gay. If you know what a Spode candy dish is or you know what style of drapes you have in your house or if you wear a scarf or listen to Enya....you are gay.
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Ben is going old school here (you just had to be @ UT back in 'the day'), yet he brings up a good point nonetheless:
86. What does Oooh mean to you and how do you strive to make it relevant in your everyday life?
D: "Ooooohhh" means the same thing to the Donger that it does to everyone else; an interjection the Donger uses to express pleasure, satisfaction, surprise, or great joy. The Donger invokes such in everyday life depending upon the situation. For instance, when being orally serviced pleasurably, the Donger will utter a prolonged guttural "ooooohhh", along with a complementary hair pull. When the mission is complete, a loud terse "ooooohhh" will exit the Donger's satiated mouth, as something else enters the other's mouth. Upon realizing the servicer was a man dressed as a woman, the Donger will shriek a harrowing "ooooohhh" as he surprisingly grabs his clothing and runs out of the bathroom at Backstreets. And finally, the Donger will sigh a joyful "ooooohhh" when he sobers up and cleans up in the shower.
P: The only way to really describe it is you either have it or you don't. You can't manufacture it. By this hypothesis, everything I do, say, breathe is Oooh. It goes deeper than religion. It's deeper than race. It's more on the same plane as being a human or even an Earthling. Very deep.
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Daniel wants to be on top of things:
85. Why is it that some women can only cum if they are riding on top?
D: "This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top"
P: These girls need the combo of deep vaginal penetration plus clit stimulation. These girls are quite rare. They are very hard to please. You may need the help of a clit vibrator that she controls. You do the ramming. You better have a 6" plus pecker with considerable girth. Anyway, riding on top gives them both actions. The entry angle of the vaginal cavity is remarkably different in every woman. Some are close to the butt while some are close to the belly button. This angle plays an important role in determining if the girl needs to be on top. Nonetheless, have fun with your challenge.
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Lorraine wants to (a) comfirm the rumor before she starts sucking and (b) make sure men only want her for her mind:
84. How many licks does it take to get to the soft, delicious center of a Tootsie-Pop?
D: If you ask Mr. Owl, he'll tell you 3, but it depends on how many times you can bob your head up and down in 30 minutes. Review question # 71.
P: A one - a twooo - a threee -- CHOMP. THREE.
83. I have gigantic breasts and they have attracted a lot of unwanted attention from men. When I meet a guy I really like I have a hard time getting close to him because chances are he is just after my huge rack. How I can I tell if a guy likes me or if he is only interested in my boobs?
D: [hooters, hooters, hooters!] I'm sorry, did you have a question???
DONGER'S FUN FACT #2- Having guy problems, ladies? The Donger is all ears...and part penis.
P: Poor poor girl. You have the same problem that I do, but mine is about money and cock size. I have twice the troubles as you, but I don't let it bother me. I suggest you just date or marry a guy that is an ass guy or a leg guy...but not a boob guy. Not all guys care about a huge rack. If all the guy does is talk about them as though he is fixated...you may have a problem. If he is drunk one night and asks to leave your boobs at home you have a problem. If he tries to separate you from your kids (boobs)...like he says, "i like your boobs but I don't like you" for example - he's got problems. It should be obvious...just like your boobs. Send a picture (of your boobs).
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Trey is back, back again:
82. If your girlfriend cancels a date with you to go to Mary's in East Atlanta with her "girlfriends", should you be worried?
D: Not at all! You should be home getting drunk and popping some Viagra because it could be a long night ahead of you, depending on how cool your girlfriend is.
P: Worried about what? Will she be gang raped with a 40 horsepower vibrator/anal probe?? Will she suffer heart failure and die from this wicked and irresponsible use of hydroelectric power?? Well, I'd be worried about that...but I would not be worried that she will order a basket of fries for some hardbody brunette at the end of the bar and go back to the brunettes place and chew up some rug / bump some tacos / share a double headed vibrator. If "girlfriends" means gay guys...then you might be worried...because one or more of them might be faking it. They may not be gay but enjoy the efforts of some women to change them. I hope your lady doesn't get caught in this trap, otherwise...woooo wooo chuga chuga chuga wooo wooo. In all, I'd be worried.
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Jeff is looking to give his 'friend' a new nick-name:
81. Which is a better name for a gay man: "Sphincter Viking" or "Ass Annihilator"?
D: Looks like someone wants their own website, eh Jeff? While your suggestions are humorous, I think the best gay names for men that I have heard are "Frankie Nation", "Casey Brown" and "Trey Little".
P: Sphincter Viking (Warlord of the Rear end).
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Lori is worried about her man dreaming into action:
80. What might it mean if the man you are dating talks in his sleep about a male bald friend and explains in full detail his genitals and orifices. Is this a latent desire, or a fulfilled desire reminisced in dreamland???
D: WHAT IF the bald friend is going through the same turmoil at night, talking about your man? The Donger suggests getting your boyfriend and the distinguished bald gentleman you refer to sit down together and discuss these issues. A good meeting point would be the Buford Highway Equestrian Club (aka- Pink Pony), and make sure you give your male friend about $500 in ones and fives.
P: I submit that it could be a not-yet-fulfilled desire. Dreams always have some relevance to the real world. Keep an eye on your man if he starts to shave his pubic region and speak about "very handsome men". You may have gotten a hold of a latent "Family". You need to swap him in for a "Breeder".
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Steve needs to quit buttering up his nuts:
79. I need help! How does someone overcome an addiction? I'm having a problem with a certain snack cookie and I fear that I will soon lose the ability to lift myself off the couch. Please help, quickly!
D: First off, my little girl BEST not be eating all of Donger's Nutter Butters or she will not be allowed out this weekend! That said, the addiction to Nutter Butters, better known as "The reason why we donate blood" is an incurable disease. Donger, himself, was shy to admit his addiction, but now he's open to the public, hoping to make a difference. The symptoms of this disease include a peanut butter craving, the inability to eat less than one sleeve of Nutter Butters once the box is open, and waking up hungover in the mornings with crumbs all over your chest. A similar addiction has been reported with Girl Scout Thin Mints, and the remedy was the gov't restricting sales to one time per year. Hopefully the FDA will make a similar ruling, but until that time, the best advice Donger can give is to stay the F%*$ out of my Cookies!!!!
P: I've never had an addiction, but I've always felt cold turkey is the best way to shake one. So go buy a cold turkey instead of the cookies, lard ass.
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Adam misses the funny fallen star:
78. Why the hell did Phil Hartman's wife kill him?
D: She hated Captain Carl, too.
P: There is the timeless reason: Infidelity
There is the art nouveau reason: Just Because
There is the physiological reason: Woman's Moon Phase.
All of these probably were at play and any one of them are acceptable. In todays court system they would all be good reason. With feminism running rampant any woman would agree with me. The real answer is that we may never know...but you can look back in history and find the same thing happening over and over again. The affairs of the heart are easy to figure out. I think she was just mental.
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Zackious is being pretty anal here:
77. What is your opinion on taking shits at other people's houses? What about at some girl's house you just started dating? How long do you date a girl before you fart in front of her?
D: Funny you ask this question to the Donger: a man who, prior to college, could only take a shit in his own house. But that was then, and this is now. Shits at other people's houses are not only fair game, but great payback for someone who pissed you off at any point in your life. The sloppier and stinkier the better. (Caveat the "Howard Stern Rule", which dictates that if you have to wipe more than 3 times, you MUST shower.) For a great party trick, pull an "Upper Decker", which entails taking the top off of your buddy's toilet and taking a dump in the "clean" portion of the tank. It's the gift that truly keeps on giving! The second part of the question is a bit trickier. Donger would advise you NOT to take a dump in the home of someone you are dating, merely for embarrassment purposes. While you love and appreciate your slaughtered cow scented fragrance, she probably won't. If it's an emergency or you've been together for a while, by all means, drop off the Cleveland Browns at spring training. Same rules for if your new lady friend is over and you suddenly get the hershey squirts. The Donger ALWAYS keeps the vent on, a strategically placed radio in the bathroom blaring tunes, and a can of Vanilla spray next to the toilet. AND NEVER EVER let her take a shit in front of you! That's grounds for immediate dumpage (no pun intended)! As for the 3rd part, let Donger fill you in on a long kept secret trick of the trade on this one. Of all of the accomplishments in life, this discovery could be what the Donger is most proud of. After you've been dating someone for a good amount of time (say 3-4 weeks of serious dating) and the 2 of you have been out drinking and are in a car somewhere, let a real good one just rip right out of your ass, as if you were back in college hanging with the boys. This moment is the defining litmus test of the relationship; for you, my friend, have just opened Pandora's box! You will know in a few moments whether or not this is the girl for you. After you blow ass, act somewhat embarrassed, but laugh in a non-threatening manner as if to say "oops, I'm human, it happens." If she scowls at you and gets disgusted, well, it was going to end anyway, so why not let her be the punchline of the story when you tell it in the future. If she laughs, you're home free! She just waived any rights to say that farting is disgusting. At that moment, try again to fart, so the 2 of you can giggle about it even more. Make a funny remark before the 3rd one, like "Incoming!" or "Fire in the Hole!" Use your farting privileges wisely, so when you advance to the Dutch Oven stage of the relationship (that's when you pull the blanket up over her head, let a Chinese food smelling death cloud seep out of your sphincter, and don't let her come up for fresh air for a good 5 minutes) and the 2 of you can learn to enjoy the gas that comes from your ass.
DONGER'S FUN FACT #1- After the last puff of air escapes out of your ass, count to 10, then inhale deep, because that's when the smell kicks in!
P: Answer: Try to avoid taking shits at other peoples houses, if at all possible. Do not shit at a new girlfriend's house until youve had sex together. The sex breaks the intimacy wall and all things that have to do with the natural body functions fall below blowing a load in or on a girl. As for farting, it is never acceptable to fart audibly in the presence of anyone. If you do it silently it is always fun to see who gets blamed in a crowd. Don't be shy about pointing an accusatory finger at a stranger.
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Trey is looking for some Steak appeal:
76. Why does Steak insist on showing off his Blue Steel look in every picture he's been in all summer?
D: The reasoning behind Steak's purse-lipped Blue Steel looks are due to years of steroid use and it's side-effects. It's a scientific fact that your testes shrink as a direct result of anabolic steroids. Thus, the skin around his balls has tightened up, as can be compared with the plastic shrink wrap used by butchers in the meat market (Pun intended). Since Steak also enjoys sucking on testicles of his weight lifting brothers, the contagious skin tightening illness has spread to his lips.
P: Answer: Steak likes the play he gets from guys and dolls. Steak wants it so Steak gets it. Donger and Steak need to go out wearing a pair of International Male shirts and see what kind of wool they can pull.
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Oh Joy, she's back with a duo of dirty deeds:
75. What body piercing is most attractive on women?
D: Any body piercings BELOW the chest are hot for women, which includes belly rings (sooo hot!) and clit piercings. Nipple piercings give the Donger chills, and we could all do without the facial jewelry. "Which one's Trudi? The one with all the shit on her face?" "No, that's Jody. That's my wife"
P: The most attractive piercing is the area above the belly button. Although on a scale of sexiness, this ranks at about a 3. A lot of body ornamentation is just not the way to dress up the package. You cant put lipstick on a pig and make it look better. Women are just attractive or not. The piercings don't provide any boost in that area. If you are a stripper or a 'ho, well, you may get a few more dollars with some peircings and whatnot. But that's just simply Darwinism...like monkey with the most red ass.
74. Are tattoos attractive on women or not?
D: Per tattoos, Donger has always found them to be (when not gaudy) pretty hot. However, it seems to be too trendy in the past few years, as everyone under age 21 has one. All women should get tattoos of bullseyes on their lower back to give the Donger something to aim for.
P: Tattoos come under the same family as peircings. Subtle and discreet tattoos are acceptable and can be attractive. Tattoos that are obviously for the pure sake of attention are tacky and a bit trashy on women. On men, tattoos that are meant to boost machismo can have a negative effect. A rule of thumb is to stay away from tattoos until you are 25.
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